


Another Life

by bluefurcape (prettykid)



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Smut, and then it doesn't, pretty much follows canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2018-06-08 22:22:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 44,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6876283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettykid/pseuds/bluefurcape
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes you start wondering about what could have been...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There was an odd, recurring dream she had at least once a week. In these dreams, Sakura still looked like herself, still lived in the same home she shared with Sarada and her often absent husband. Actually, it was inaccurate to call it a ‘recurring’ dream because it was never the same thing twice. Rather, the dream showed her later points in time, as if things kept happening while she wasn’t there. She was having one of those dreams right now.

_“Got the eggplant.” Kakashi held up the plastic grocery bag that was suspiciously more full than it would have been with a single eggplant._

_Sakura stilled her hands over vegetables she had been chopping, her head jerking up at the sight of her former teacher just entering her house like he belong there._

_…Because he did belong there. In this dream._

_“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.” He chuckled, coming over and giving her a peck on the cheek._

_She suppressed the flinch that came to her instinctively._

_Kakashi’s grin beneath his mask faded. “What’s wrong?”_

_“N-nothing.” Sakura scanned the ingredients in front of her and the index card scrawled with her own handwriting of a recipe she’d copied down years ago from her mother. “Dinner will be ready soon.”_

_“It’s lunch…” He set down the grocery bag on the counter opposite from her then crossed his arms. “All right, who are you?”_

_Sakura whirled._

_“Don’t think I haven’t noticed. Every now and again you come in and impersonate my wife, but you are not her. I’ve kept quiet trying to see what you wanted, but I’m getting sick of you playing games like this. You’re usually only here for a short amount of time.” He tilted his head. “You better not have done something with Sakura.”_

_Her shoulders stiffened and she crossed her arms too. “I’m not your wife.” She didn’t know why she felt a stab of guilt when his brow creased at her declaration. “I’m Sasuke’s. This is a dream.”_

_All she did was describe the truth, but his eyes went dark with barely suppressed anger. He closed the gap between them in the small kitchen, caging her in with his arms on either side of her, hands clenched against the edge of the counter. “This is_ **not** _a dream. This is my life. Get out.”_

Sakura gasped, sitting up in the bed, shaking. She patted the spot next to her before remembering that Sasuke had left again two weeks ago. What a strange dream. However it seemed that her subconscious had grown guilty about her living a life with another man at last. Dream-Kakashi had never questioned her before. But he had been furious. Far angrier than she’d ever seen him in real life, battles included.

She sighed, rubbing her face. These dreams left her feeling more drained than she was before sleeping. She was afraid to close her eyes again, in case she slipped back. 5:40 AM. Sarada must still be asleep.

Sakura crept downstairs. She could use the time to surprise her daughter with a nice bento to take on her mission today. There would be, of course, the standard issued packaged meals provided to the chunin going out, but they certainly couldn’t compare to one prepared lovingly by a mother. She hummed to herself because that was the only way she could block out the dream.

It was so strange. It wasn’t like she wanted to be married to Kakashi. She’d never even given him a second thought as a romantic partner. The dream world was incredibly detailed and elaborate too. She was amazed her mind could come up with such a thing. In the dreams, she felt she had been married to Kakashi for quite some time. There were photos, honest to goodness memories, of trips taken, life events captured. Sakura tried to keep herself from glancing up at the only family photo she had of the people she considered the most precious to her.

Real. This was real. She repeated the mantra to herself as she washed vegetables in the sink, concentrating on the sensation of water running over her skin.

In those dreams, Sarada was not there. Couldn’t be there, because Sakura had never married Sasuke. That was something she could not accept.

Sarada later came downstairs, still in her pajamas. A stack of hotcakes greeted her, paired with butter and golden syrup. And some sausages. And scrambled eggs. “Mom how am I going to eat all this?” Sarada laughed as she sat down.

Sakura joined her daughter at the table with a plate of her own. “You’re going to need a lot of energy for your big mission today.”

Sarada grimaced. “It’s just an escort mission. They won’t let us go on anything really fun.”

“You’ll be getting the really hard missions soon enough, so enjoy these while they last.” Sakura’s heart panged, but she tried not to let it show, knowing how true her own words were.

 #

“Yo.”

Sakura sighed. “You’re a retired man—how do you get hurt so often?”

Kakashi lifted and dropped his shoulders.

“What was the bet this time?” she asked without looking up from his chart.

“Gai wanted to see who could hold wheelies the longest on a wheelchair. Then a cargo wagon appeared out of no where.” Kakashi widened his eyes. “Truly, the driver knew a very strong genjutsu.”

Sakura kept her face blank.

He didn’t say anything more.

She narrowed her glare, pinning him with it.

He tilted his head like a puppy wondering what was going on.

Finally, she snorted. “Stupid.”

“I never claimed to be anything but what I am.” He chuckled.

The quiet laughter faded and Sakura began to sterilize the scrapes running down his arm. The dream occurred to her again. Kakashi as her husband. What would he be like? At the moment, all she had to go on was her own experiences and the few glimpses from her dreams. In real life, he was generally so withholding and secretive.

“How come you never got married, sensei?”

“Hmm?”

“Was there nobody special in your life?” She finished healing the scrapes on his arm and the slight sprain in his wrist. She pointed to his knee as the next target.

“Ah. Well, I did almost get married once.” Kakashi obediently stuck out his leg and rolled up the ragged cloth so that she could inspect properly.

Oh? He’d never mentioned that before.

He continued, “But it didn’t end well because on the day of the wedding he found out I was a man infiltrating his family to steal valuable secrets.”

Typical.

“I bet you were a beautiful bride,” Sakura commented lightly.

“He will always remember me as the one that got away.”

She shook her head ruefully at herself. Even if it were a possibility, Kakashi would be exactly like himself as a husband. Misleading as hell and tight lipped to a fault.

Why was she even thinking about it? She was a married woman for goodness sake. Damn her errant curiosity.

“Do I get a lollipop?” he asked hopefully when she was done.

She sighed, reaching into her coat pocket and pulling out a brightly green piece of candy on a stick. Just as he reached for it, she snatched it back, tearing off the plastic and sticking it into her own mouth.

He pouted. “That was mine.”

She removed it with a loud smack, resting the candy against her lips. “Still want it?”

His brows lowered. His gaze lingered on the sugary treat before he dragged his eyes away, coughing. “It’s got your cooties.”

“Hmph.”

#

_“Happy birthday.”_

_Sakura jerked, trailing earrings jostling against her head. She looked down at her hands, beautifully manicured with a gradient of shimmering gold. Her image in the red wine sitting in the glass reflected her impeccable makeup framed by a hairstyle that must have taken an hour at least to complete. She picked at the folds of the red dress she wore. She’d never seen this thing in her closet in her entire life, but she had to admit that her dream self had good taste._

_“Sakura?” Kakashi spoke._

_She sat back in her seat, taking in her surroundings. It was the Orchid, the fanciest restaurant in Konoha with a waitlist months long for a reservation. Sasuke had taken her there once, long ago, for an anniversary dinner._

_“Ah. So it is you. I thought so,” he said, sighing. “Tonight is kind of an important night so if you don’t mind returning my wife…?”_

_“Look buddy, I can’t keep waking up earlier than my alarm clock. I had a really late shift at the hospital today and I would appreciate all the sleep I can get. If I can dream about eating at this place again, then I’m staying.” Sakura picked up her fork and stabbed the salad before her._

_“Sakura, I know you’re still there. Come back to me.”_

_“I am Sakura.”_

_“No. You’re not.” His jaw clenched._

_“Believe what you want.” She shrugged. “I know the real Kakashi would never take anybody out to a restaurant this nice and pay.”_

_“The real…excuse me, I am the real Kakashi.”_

_“Ha. Now you know how it feels.”_

_“Why won’t any of the tests tell us anything?” he mumbled to himself in frustration, running a hand through his hair. Then, to her, “Can you at least let her eat her dessert? She’s been looking forward to it for weeks.”_

_“Is it double chocolate mousse with raspberries?” She pouted. “But that’s my favorite dessert.”_

_“What is this? Are you secretly unhappy? Tell me what I can do—I’m begging you.” He reached across the table for her hand, but she wouldn’t let him take it._

_“I appreciate the nice date, but I’m married to Sasuke.”_

_“No, you are not. You are married to me.” He took back his spurned hand, curling it into a fist. The gold wedding band glinted in the candlelight._

_“Why in the world would I ever marry you? It makes absolutely no sense.” She looked at him with genuine curiosity._

_Kakashi flinched and she immediately regretted her bluntness. Rationally, she knew he wasn’t real, but she didn’t want to be cruel._

_“If this will make you come back, I’ll tell you.” His gaze lowered to the small candle sitting inside its glass jar. “It was five years ago. You made me chocolates for the Love Festival as a friend. I gave you flowers as thanks on White Day. I said I really liked the ones with nuts in it and you offered to show me how to make it. I burned that chocolate, but it was on purpose so that we could try again._

_After that, I couldn’t stay away from you. Any excuse I could come up with to spend more time with you was good enough. I thought you wouldn’t be ready to move on from Sasuke, but one day, caught in the rain, you kissed me first. It was the happiest day of my life—until the day we got married.”_

_Sakura’s fork had frozen midway to her mouth and she stared at him in shock. The lettuce dropped back onto the plate. “Did that really happen?”_

_“Yes. I won’t let anyone, not even you, deny that it did.”_

_“That’s actually…kind of sweet. So, are you two happy?”_

_“I’d like to believe so, although these strange episodes you’re causing her is really worrying.”_

_“In my life, I’m married to Sasuke.” She held up her hand when he tried to protest. “I have a daughter named Sarada. I only see you when you do something stupid and need some healing, but that’s it. These dreams are incredibly bizarre to me—I don’t want to be in them either.”_

_“What’s it like, being married to him instead of me?” He stirred his soup, now gone cold._

_“He’s kind to me.” She smiled, but the happiness of speaking about him dimmed slightly when she remembered how often he was away._

_“I hope that’s enough.”_

_#_

She woke up later than usual. Her dream reminded her that it was indeed her birthday and she’d forgotten about it. The last three of her birthdays had been spent with just her and Sarada. Maybe they could go out to eat somewhere tonight.

Not the Orchid though.

Obviously not—only in her dreams could she get a reservation there.


	2. Chapter 2

_“Let’s make a baby,” Sakura heard her own voice sigh. Her back arched as pleasure flooded her senses, rolling through her in waves with each his thrusts._

_Her arms went up, wrapping themselves around his torso and digging her nails into his powerful back. She thoroughly relished this moment of raw sensuality, their flesh sliding against each other. His breath fanned against her throat in rough pants. The bed frame shook. She reveled in the knowledge that she was his undoing. Her head fell back, eyes shut tight as she came, screaming his name._

_“What the fuck?” Kakashi swore, rolling off of her. He turned on the lamp and glared at her._

_“What the fuck!” Sakura shouted._

_“Sasuke? Are you fucking kidding me?”_

_“Were we having sex?” she demanded, snatching the sheets clutching them over her naked form._

_“I think that’s pretty obvious—oh fucking hell. Fucking. Hell. Other Sakura?” Kakashi covered his face with his hands. “Why did you have to—I was so close to finishing.”_

_“Ew!” She threw a pillow at him, which he caught._

_“Ew? You’re damn right this is ew! I just heard another man’s name come out of my wife’s mouth during her orgasm.”_

_“Oh no. Oh noooo—why are there no rules to this thing!” Sakura felt like clawing her eyes out. She couldn’t help but look at Kakashi’s erection, still standing despite his outrage. “Cover yourself!”_

_Kakashi dropped the pillow into his lap. “Don’t look then,” he hissed._

_“How are you still hard?”_

_“If you must know—it’s been a very tension filled night and we haven’t seen each other for weeks. Damn it, why am I explaining this to you?”_

_“How do I leave?” She pinched herself and that really hurt. “Ow!”_

_“Stop it—you’re going to leave a mark.”_

_“If she’s really me, then she can heal it, can’t she?” Sakura snarled._

_“How long are you staying? Fuck, I’m not even sure if I can continue after this.” He buried his hand in his hair. “You almost gave me a heart attack when you said his name.”_

_“Of course I said his name! I thought you were him.” She pulled up the sheets even further, covering half of her face. “He’s my husband—“_

_“Don’t,” Kakashi growled. “Don’t you dare say that while you’re in our bed.”_

_She stilled. “I’m sorry.”_

_He dragged out a breath. “It’s all right. Just…can you go now?”_

_“I tried.” She stuck out her arm, the spot where she pinched an angry red._

_He reached, taking her arm, examining the mark in worry. “They said we should start getting more concerned if you started hurting youself in this state.”_

_“It’s just a pinch.” She took her arm back, holding it against herself. Inadvertantly, she let the sheet drop and Kakashi’s gaze fell on her breasts. She shoved him back. “Pervert.”_

_He rolled his eyes, swinging his legs off the edge of the bed and picking up the discarded clothes on the floor. She’d been so shocked that it was only now that she realized he had been completely naked, without the mask and all. When he was clothed again, he hadn’t bothered to hide his face again or had forgotten. A straight, but angular nose. A sleek jawline. Pleasant lips perfectly balanced against the rest of his face. There had been a rather handsome face hiding beneath the cloth this entire time—or at least her mind had imagined it that way. She snorted at the beauty mark, though. What a weird detail._

_He handed her a clean shirt and some shorts because apparently he’d torn off her clothes before all of this. The remaining shreds of a lacy night gown was all the remained, strewn in pieces on the floor. She blushed just looking at it, the sheer carnality of it all. He turned away while she put on the clothes._

_The words she’d heard herself say at the beginning of the dream came back to her._

_“Were you two really trying for a baby?” she asked when she was covered. Some of the panic had faded._

_Kakashi, who was sitting with his back to her, glanced over his shoulder. “Yea.”_

_“I thought you didn’t like kids.”_

_“Well, I wanted some of my own. With my beautiful wife, who also agreed.”_

_She felt her cheeks glow. “You think I’m beautiful?”_

_Kakashi made a face as if he couldn’t believe she’d just asked such a stupid question. It was amazing how expressive one could be when a mask wasn’t covering one’s face._

_“How many do you want?” she pressed in curiosity._

_“Three. But she’s not sure she wants that many.”_

_“Eek. Three?” Her jaw dropped open. “One was enough.” She gathered her knees into her chest._

_“In that case, hopefully it’s triplets the first time.”_

_“Oh boy. If that happens, she will murder you. I would murder you, anyway.”_

_He laughed. “She would.” His laughter died, fading into a frown. “You are so similar to her that I don’t understand why there would be a switch in the first place. You’re not a separate personality. You are her—just different.”_

_“I bet that’s weird, talking to me.”_

_“You have no idea.”_

_“I don’t think you’re like the Kakashi I know at all.”_

_He raised a brow. “I can’t imagine I’m all that different. Your Kakashi might already be in love with you, for all you know.”_

_“Ha! You’re funny.”_

_“I’m serious.”_

_“Are you…are you playing wing man for yourself?”_

_“I suppose I am.”_

_“I’m married,” she said flatly._

_Kakashi made a noncommital noise. “Maybe these ‘dreams’ are so you can see something better.”_

_“You don’t know anything about me.”_

_He turned to her fully, a smile playing on his lips. “That’s where you’re wrong.”_

#

She loved her life.

Her life was perfect.

She had a beautiful daughter, she was married to her first love, and had an amazing job at the hospital saving lives everyday. She repeated this to herself, not paying attention to where she was going, trusting her instincts to take her home out of muscle memory. She ran face first into a solidly built chest.

“Distracted?” Kakashi caught her.

Her cheeks flooded with heat. Memories from the night before, the electricity in her body as he made passionate love to her, threatened to consume her merely at his touch. She disentangled herself immediately, jumping back. “Something like that.”

“What are those?” He nodded to the plastic bag at her side.

“Chocolate making stuff…for,” the next words out of her mouth were barely a whisper, “the Love Festival.”

“Ah. That is soon, isn’t it? You can make some for friends, can’t you?”

“Yes, but I’m terrible at making chocolates so you wouldn’t want one from me anyway.”

“It’s not really about how tasty they are…”

Her dream had been trying to tell her something. Do not make chocolates for Kakashi. Do not go down this path. Avoid this consequence at all costs.

“Oh, _sensei_ ,” she said, laughing a little too loudly. “I’m sure you’ll get plenty of chocolates, don’t worry.”

“You think?” Kakashi didn’t seem to particularly care. “It’d be nice to get one from you though.”

“W-we’ll see.” She then gave him a hasty excuse and fled.

#

_Sakura looked down at her swollen belly and screamed. She clutched the knitting needles in her hand, bending them in her panick induced strength. The door flew open and Kakashi rushed inside._

_“What is it? Is it the baby?” He knelt at her feet, taking her hand._

_“I-I’m pregnant!”_

_“Uh, yea. About four months now—oh it’s you.”_

_She slapped him. “How did this happen?”_

_“Well you see, when a man and woman love each other very—“_

_She slapped him again. “I can’t have a child with you!”_

_“Sweetie, it’s happening. Not really your decision, but my wife’s.”_

_Sakura began to rock in her seat—which made her realize she was sitting in a rocking chair. The room was painted a soothing shade of pale green, the color of new plant shoots in the spring. Her heart beat faster when her eyes landed on the crib in the corner. She wrapped her arms around herself._

_Then the baby kicked._

_“Holy crap.” She ran her hands on her stomach. “It kicked.”_

_“Please don’t call my unborn child an ‘it.’_ **_She_ ** _has been kicking for a while now.”_

_“I’m sorry, it’s just really jarring to suddenly find yourself heavily pregnant when you haven’t been for years.”_

_“Oh right, you said you already had a daughter. Your first child? Was it very difficult?” Kakashi glanced at her stomach, his hands opening and closing as if he itched to feel it._

_“She was a lovely baby…I don’t want another one though—why am I dreaming about this?”_

_“I’m telling you that this is quite real.”_

_“Yes, yes.” She waved his insistence away._

_“Can you maybe tell me some of the things you went through? Sakura’s been so anxious about all of this. I want to reassure her that it’s going to be all right, and if she’s somehow done this before, even if it’s not technically her—maybe it would make her feel better.”_

_The other Sakura wasn’t the only anxious one. Kakashi, too, had the panic of a new parent in his eyes. She remembered how scared she’d been, raising her first child, not knowing anything except for what she’d read in books. Sakura sighed. What could it hurt?_

_She naturally folded her hands on top of her belly.“Her cravings will not end until the baby is born—so stock up on ice cream and olives.”_

_“Those are her exact cravings. Incredible. Wait.” Kakashi stood up abruptly. “I’m going to take notes.”_

_After he came back, she settled comfortably into the rocking chair and began to speak her wisdom. The blankets and cushions lining the seat were particularly soft. Where had they found them?_

_“Foot massages are a must. Do not wake her up early in the morning for any reason less than the house is on fire. Under no circumstance are you allowed to say the words: fat, expand, or shoes.”_

_“Shoes?”_

_“If she’s anything like me, she’ll have read a very sad story about a—“ Her eyes began to well up with tears. “No shoes.”_

_“Right. No shoes.” He nodded, reaching over for a tissue and handing it to her._

_“Tell her she doesn’t have to worry about limiting her activity too much.” She laughed. “I traveled with Sasuke the whole time until I went into labor.”_

_“Uh…”_

_“I gave birth in a freaking cave. She’ll be fine.” She looked around in admiration. “This is a really nice nursery. I wish I could have gotten one half this nice ready for Sarada.”_

_“Sakura 2.”_

_“2? If anything, I’m Sakura 1.”_

_“Fine, let’s call you Sakura 1 and my Sakura will be Sakura A.”_

_“Hmph.”_

_“It’s concerning to me that Sasuke didn’t insist you come back to Konoha to give birth.”_

_Sakura frowned. “It was my decision.”_

_“If it were me, I would have kidnapped you back to the village.” Kakashi sat back, cross-legged, leaning on his hands. “A cave? Seriously?”_

_“Well, there’s the difference between you and Sasuke. He respects my choices,” she said haughtily._

_“What kind of partner wouldn’t care enough to challenge the other side when they are wrong?”_

_She clapped her hands over her ears. “Okay, that’s enough. I’d like to go back now. I don’t want to be pregnant anymore.”_

_Before she woke, she heard the remnants of Kakashi’s voice echo in her mind. “I’m so sorry.”_

_#_

Sakura leapt out of bed, pulled on a sweater and jeans, and ran out of the house. The pregnancy dream had been too much. Too real. She ran all the way to Kakashi’s apartment, just as the sun came up over the horizon. She knocked and continued knocking until he ripped open the door.

“Yes?” he demanded, his teeth set in irritation, hair sticking out more wildly than usual from sleep.

“Your face. Sensei, your face.” She seized his cheeks, covered by the mask.

His eyes widened and he pulled out of her grasp. “Have you gone insane?”

“Do you have a mole on the left side of your face?”

“What?”

“Mole. Left side?”

Kakashi glanced beyond her, as if he were expecting an enemy to jump through at any moment, then back to her. “How do you know that?” he asked quietly.

Sakura’s stomach dropped. “I saw it…in my dreams.”

He opened the door wider and ushered her inside onto his old, beat up couch. She sat there, staring blankly for who knows how long until he pressed a mug of hot tea into her hands.

“Are you all right?” he asked, sitting next to her.

She scooted away. “I’m losing it. You were right, I’m going insane.”

“You said you saw my mole in a dream?”

“I saw—“ everything. She saw everything. “Yes, in the dream.”

“I mean, you probably caught a glimpse of it a long time ago and forgot. Or you didn’t recognize me without the mask.” He patted her hand.

“Oh. That would make sense…” Except did she see his penis somewhere before? She would have definitely remembered that.

“I’m going to eat. Scrambled eggs sound good to you?”

She nodded her head up and down. Vaguely, she heard the sound of egg hitting a hot pan and oil. She walked over the the kitchen when he called her name as if in a haze. Her senses came back to her when he lowered his mask to eat. He made some comment she barely registered about the fun being gone since she’d already seen his face.

His face. Her dream had gotten it exactly right. She _remembered_ the angular set of his nose, his lips, and his jaw. And there it was, in the exact spot she’d seen it in the dream. That damned beauty mark.

#

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't wait to upload this. Sorry, not sorry.


	3. Chapter 3

“Ino, you don’t understand. The dreams are so real.” Sakura curled further into herself.

“Did you get yourself checked out?”

“Of course. What kind of medic do you think I am?” Sakura snapped.

“Soooorryyyy.” Ino rolled her eyes, digging into the tub of ice cream.

“Anyway. Thanks for coming over. The house feels so empty without Sarada around.” Sakura rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling.

“Just Sarada?”

“Hm?”

“Nothing.”

“I just don’t understand what these dreams mean. I’m happy with my life. I love Sasuke and I definitely do not want to marry Kakashi—of all people.”

“Oh yea, of all people. Not like he’s a mysterious older man with a banging bod.” Ino shoveled ice cream into her mouth then pointed the spoon at Sakura in emphasis.

“He was my teacher.”

“That was over two decades ago.”

“I still call him sensei.”

“And that’s kind of weird at this point.”

“Ino!”

Ino lifted a shoulder. “All I’m saying is, maybe these dreams are not as weird as you think they are. Besides, why are you so freaked out if they are just dreams? I once dreamt that I had sex with Chouji, but that didn’t mean anything at all.”

“R-right? These dreams don’t mean anything.”

“Mhm. Now shut up and paint my toes.”

#

These dreams did not mean anything.

She glared at the box of chocolates wrapped in the plainest, most friends-only gift wrap she could find. Sky blue paper. Very neutral. She took off half a day of work so that she could track down Kakashi, who she found sleeping in a tree on the outskirts of the village.

“Wha—“ he snorted awake. “No peas.”

“Here.” She shoved the box into his hands. She’d made some for him, Naruto, Sai, and every male acquaintance or friend she knew. She made them with equal varieties, but _not_ with nuts. In fact, she just picked out this box randomly from the many others she’d prepared and brought it to him.

“Why Sakura, I’m touched. Happy Love Festival.”

“Happy Love Festival.”

“Is Sasuke coming back in time to take you?”

Sakura deflated, looking down at her hands. “There was no word from him about that.”

“Well.” Kakashi rubbed his chin, pretending to be in thought. “Maybe I can take you and Sarada.”

She froze. Oh no. Oh no, it was happening. Rejecting him now, when he had no idea why, because it was simply a friendly offer, would be so strange. She forced out a laugh. “Good idea! And maybe Naruto can come with us with his family!”

“I guess?”

The night of the Love Festival, Sakura’s choice of outfit was a lumpy sweater and jeans. She didn’t put on any makeup and pulled her hair into a ponytail. She went to Sarada’s room to help her daughter with the yukata. Sakura had worn the same yukata when she was Sarada’s age.

As Sakura finished up the obi and stood back, she clapped a hand over her mouth as tears filled her eyes. “Hold on, hold on. I need the camera.”

“Moooom.”

Sakura hurried back, camera in hand, snapping as many shots as she could from different angles.

Sarada giggled. “Save some film for the actual festival.”

“You look so beautiful. My sweet girl.” Sakura threw her arms around Sarada, squeezing tight.

Sarada blew out a breath, enduring the show of affection before pulling away. She frowned at her mother. “You’re not going to dress up?”

“Old ladies don’t need to look pretty.”

“But I thought you bought a sun dress for the festival.”

“It didn’t look so good when I put it on.” Sakura edged away.

“Well, let me see it.”

“Really, what I’m wearing is fine.”

“Pleeeeease?” Sarada pouted, slowly blinking her wide eyes.

Sakura felt the attack directly in her heart. So cute. She acquiesed, changing into the dress and coming back.

“I think you look great!” Sarada grinned. “Maybe if you let your hair down…and some mascara?”

Like a prisoner going to her execution, Sakura untied her hair, letting it fall loosely around her shoulders. She allowed, perhaps unwisely, Sarada to apply the makeup. Sakura looked the mirror at the result then back to her daughter suspiciously. “When did you learn how to put on makeup like this?”

“Maybe I practiced…” Sarada said in a sly tone. She grinned as she fussed with Sakura’s pink hair. A long time ago, she’d confessed to her mother that she was disappointed that she hadn’t inherited it from her. “I’m really glad the Rokudaime convinced you to go. You were being so stubborn about it just a week ago.”

As they were leaving the house, Sakura was surprised to find Kakashi waiting for them at the gate. “I thought we were going to meet you there.”

“Now what kind of date would that be?” He offered both of his arms to them.

Sarada made most of the conversation, talking about her last mission and what they did. They walked to the street where the festival was being held when Sarada stopped abruptly. Her cheeks were red as she said, “Um, so…Daichi said that he wanted to see the festival with me. I’ll meet you back at home after?”

“Wha—Sarada you never told me you had a date,” Sakura said. A date? But she was only thirteen!

“It’s not a big deal, mom,” Sarada responded, backing away.

“But—“

Kakashi interfered, “You shouldn’t keep your date waiting. Don’t worry, we’ll be fine.”

“Cool!” Sarada jumped at the chance, disappearing into the crowd.

Sakura glared at him. “Who said you could do that?”

“Young love can’t be stopped.”

“She is thirteen.”

“Hmm, I seem to recall when you were around that age, all you wanted to do was marry Sasuke. I think a little date is a few steps below that.”

Sakura frowned. Fair point, not that she was going to admit it. She tossed her hair, pivoting away from him and declaring, “I’m going to buy dango.”

She stomped off, but he followed closely. He eyed the paper box cradled in her hand after her purchase. “Not going to share?”

“Get your own.” She turned away, ripping off one of the dangos off the skewer with her teeth.

“Share the love. I thought this was the Love Festival.”

“Love is silent.”

“Love is giving.”

Naruto popped in, throwing his arm around the two. “Are you dorks reciting poetry at each other? Careful Sakura, I’ll tell Sasuke you’re flirting with our old teacher.”

Sakura stiffened in horror, but Naruto didn’t seem to notice as he stole a skewer of dangos. She didn’t even say anything when Kakashi did the same with the last remaining one.

“Where’s Hinata?” Kakashi asked, chewing a piece of dango.

“Boruto wanted to win her a doll.” In a conspiratorial tone, he added, “Hima is supposed to help him if he can’t hit anything. These games are crazy rigged. Shinobi-style.”

Sakura was half paying attention. She was as a good as an adulteror, having these dreams of a happy marriage with Kakashi and then to actually go on this…outing with him…It was not a real date. Naruto was here. If only Sarada had stayed. She chewed on the end of the bamboo skewer, all the dangos long since consumed or stolen.

“—kura?” Kakashi turned to her in question.

“Sorry did you say something?” She blinked. Naruto was walking away from them, shouting loud greetings at Lee. “Why is he leaving?”

“He wanted to make sure he saw everyone who came tonight. Said he rarely gets to see them anymore,” Kakashi explained. “It was the same when I had the job.”

Crap. So now it was just the two of them. This outing was starting to feel more like a date by the second. She had to put an end to it now. It was going too far. “Actually, I think I’m not feeling very well…I might head home.”

“Already? I was going to see if I could win that stuffed bear.” He pointed at the plushie which, while extremely cute, was most definitely not a bear.

“That’s a chipmunk.”

“No, I think it’s a bear.”

“The ears are pointed.”

“A rare cat-bear.”

She burst out in laughter. “Sensei, a chipmunk makes way more sense than a cat-bear.”

“We shall see when I win it, now won’t we?” Kakashi wounded up his arm, warming up.

The first few tries were less than spectacular. The goal was to throw the ping pong ball into one of the glass fish bowls, but there was some kind of anti-gravity forcefield surrounding them.

“Is that the best you can do?” the boothkeeper taunted.

“Give me a break Yoshi. Which one isn’t rigged?” Kakashi grumbled, aiming the plastic ball.

“The Rokudaime, laid low by a festival game.” Sakura clasped her hands to her chest dramatically.

He shushed her and tried again. The ball bounced off the lip of the glass and dropped like lead to the ground.

Yoshi bent over, picking it up, holding it back out. “Another go?”

Kakashi narrowed his eyes, slapping a few more coins on the counter. Sakura pressed a hand to her mouth, trying not to laugh too hard.

Then, at last, the ball landed neatly into a bowl. Kakashi raised both of his arms in silent triumph.

Yoshi’s jaw dropped. “I’ll be.”

Kakashi pointed to the doll they’d argued about earlier, receiving it and handing it over to Sakura.

“Are you kidding me?” She turned the doll over, revealing a bobbed bear tail. She tugged on the pointed ears. “So this is a cat-bear?”

“I’m not really sure what it’s supposed to be,” Yoshi admitted.

“A mistake.” Sakura squeezed the doll to herself, relishing its plush softness.

As they walked away from the booth, Kakashi asked, “Still not feeling well?”

A woman with a paper megaphone passed them, announcing that the fireworks would be starting shortly. Sakura felt a tinge wistful. She loved fireworks.

“I might stay and watch the show,” she said, thinking out loud.

“Hm, okay. Let’s find a good spot then.”

They headed to the grassy hill, finding a clear spot and sitting down. Sakura tilted her head up towards the stars and the crescent moon. A balmy breeze scented with early summer wrapped around her. She clutched the doll in her lap, resting her chin on its over stuffed head.

“You know, you really had me worried when you suddenly came knocking at my door at dawn, asking me about my mole.” Kakashi laid back, both hands supporting his head.

“Oh. I’m so sorry about that,” Sakura said, going red as she remembered how ridiculous she’d acted. “Is that why you came to the festival with me?”

“Hm. Partly.”

“What was the other part?”

“There was a legendary chipmunk-cat-bear doll that only a worth hero could—mmmph.” He was cut off when Sakura pretended to smother him with the doll.

She giggled, collapsing back onto the grass next to him, leaving the doll on his face.

His voice was muffled beneath the doll. “I knew I would be betrayed this way. Avenge me, mysterious plush animal.”

“Your death was foretold the moment you stole my dango.”

“Alas, I wrote my own doom. All for the sake of a sweet treat.”

“Many men have died for less.”

They laughed quietly together. Kakashi lowered the doll from his face, holding it against his chest. “You seem a little different these days,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“More like your old self.”

“I’ve always been myself.” Her expression pulled into a frown.

“Maybe it’s just that I haven’t seen much of you in a while.”

“Yea…Life got pretty busy.”

“No time for your poor sensei.”

“No time for anything.” She blew a piece of hair out of her face. She caught sight of the chipped nail polish on her hands and self-consciously hid them by curling her fingers into fists. “The house is a mess. I feel kind of guilty going out when there’s still so much to do.”

“It won’t get worse if you enjoy yourself a little.”

Sakura didn’t get the chance to answer. A blazing trail of light shot into the air, bursting open into a blossom of sparks against the inky darkness. The deep boom that followed rumbled through her chest. More fireworks went up, shattering bright and colorful. She “Ooo-ed” and “Aaah-ed” appropriately.

“Those are my favorite ones!” She reached over, tugging on his arm when the firework that crackled into golden sparkles like fairy dust went off. She turned her head to grin at him.

He already was looking at her, eyes crinkled in a tender smile at her joy. Her heart thumped. She felt caught in his gaze.

Dream-Kakashi’s words echoed back to her.

_Your Kakashi might already be in love with you, for all you know._

She sat up, scrambling back onto her feet. She’d let this go too far. Her curiosity had pushed her and she had to stop before the point of no return. “I have to go.”

“But the show’s not over—“

She mumbled a hasty goodbye and fled. The erratic pounding of the fireworks at her back emphasized the rhythm of the one word on repeat in her mind.

Guilty.

Guilty.

Guilty.

#

Sakura sipped her coffee. Black—no sugar or cream as she usually preferred. The flavor didn’t matter to her at the moment. It was her fifth one today in her struggle to stay awake. She glanced at the clock. Her shift was almost over. Her rounds were done. She was going to make it.

A medical text on muscle degeneration sat open in front of her. She’d been trying to understand the same page for the past twenty minutes now. A few knocks on her open office door brought to her attention someone was here to see her. She stiffened.

“Yo,” Kakasahi said. He held out the doll from the Love Festival. “You forgot this—although I have gotten pretty attached to him…”

“Thanks.” She took the doll, setting it down on her desk.

“Didn’t sleep well last night?”

She touched the dark circles under her eyes. She didn’t sleep at all. No more dreams. She didn’t want to see a different life—she wanted to live her own. “Insomnia, I guess. Thank you for making sure Sarada got back okay.”

“What happened?”

“I thought I left the stove on.”

“Sakura.” His voice was flat.

“It’s none of your business,” she snapped.

She immediately regretted her words, but what was done was done. Silence followed. She avoided meeting his eyes, her gaze landing on the medical text, the words blurring into incoherent lines.

“Ah.” He nodded. “I suppose it isn’t.”

When she looked up, he was no longer there. The only sign that she hadn’t imagined his visit was the doll, mocking her with its cheerful smile. She punched its nose.

After work, she headed straight home. Some of the other doctors and nurses invited her out for drinks, but she made up some excuse about needing to run some errands. The house was dark when she came in. Sarada was on a mission again.

Sakura went to the fridge, opened it, stared at its contents, then closed it. She left the kitchen and went into the living room, where she sat on the couch, not bothering to turn on the light. She got up, neatening the stack of books on the shelf beneath the coffee table. She sat down again, fussing with the cushions before messing up her work by collapsing onto them. Her eyes were so dry. She blinked rapidly, trying to ward off sleep.

#

_Sakura looked down at the slight weight in her arms. The warm bundle cooed, the infant’s face lifting up to greet her. A shock of white hair grew from her tiny head. Round green eyes that were exactly like Sakura’s blinked from recent sleep. Unconsciously, she clutched the baby tighter. She stood in front of the window of the nursery, looking out into the yard where the other Kakashi and Sakura had planted a vegetable garden that was now starting to come in. The yard in the real world was little more than a patch of grass in need of mowing._

_Strong arms enveloped her waist from behind. Kakashi pressed a kiss on her cheek, but she didn’t move. Didn’t correct him._

_“I love you,” he murmured. She leaned back into the warmth of his embrace, willing herself not to break into tears._

_She took a shaking breath. “The baby is so beautiful.”_

_“Takes after her mother.” He stroked his child’s downy face, smiling._

_She didn’t say anything else, letting the moment go on, an ache growing in her heart._

_#_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling generous because of the really really amazing response with the last chapter uploaded *u* Chapter 3 is being uploaded early because of those amazing ppl, so go ahead and thank them!! 
> 
> Also, I'm thinking about making the playlist for this fic public so...thoughts?


	4. Chapter 4

Sakura went to work in a daze, but once she was back at the hospital, she was able to forget her own issues and focus on what she needed to get done.

She greeted Gai in the examination room then told him, “We didn’t give you that extra wheelchair so that you could use it for your silly bets with Kakashi.”

Gai laughed. He was the kind of person who laughed with his whole body—head thrown back, shoulders shaking, voice booming. Sakura almost missed seeing the cheerful man striking his strange poses. He had been using a wheelchair for a few years now after the war and never let it show that it bothered him, despite the fact that she knew it must have been a hard adjustment for anyone, let alone a shinobi.

Someone had once asked him about it and he simply gave a thumbs up and a winning smile. “I am alive and that’s all that matters.”

“Well, I called you here because I wanted to let you know that shishou finished the trial runs and we’re ready to begin treatment.” Sakura brought out the insulated box filled with the tiny glass jars of chakra infused stem cells. “It’s still up to you, but the trial results were highly promising.”

Gai, for once, fell silent. He stared at the jars, reaching out to touch the top of one with a finger. He blinked back tears. “Do you truly think I may walk again?”

“You would be our first human test volunteer, but if it works—we could help a lot of people put out of commission in the line of duty.”

“I understand.” He slapped his cheeks. “All right. Better me than someone who could not handle it. Tell me what I have to do.”

After the first injection, they would wait to see if there was any response. Tsunade had said that there may not be any changes for up to a year, but with regular progress checks through a chakra probe to see if the myelin in the spinal chord was starting to respond. He would also have to come back for monthly chakra infusions that Tsunade herself would administer.

Sakura inserted the syringe into the jar and measured out the contents. “It could take years, even if worked, with rehabilitation and everything else. The injury is fairly old—ideally we think it had a higher chance if we had done it within a few months of when you got hurt, but we didn’t have it ready at the time.”

“There is nothing to lose by taking this chance,” he responded.

Afterwards, as she escorted him out of the hospital, she said, “And please tell Kakashi that the wheelchairs are for people who need it. You need to promise me to stop getting hurt from your silly antics.”

Gai looked at her straight-on, giving her a thumbs up. “I don’t make promises I can’t keep.”

#

For the rest of the month, she didn’t have any more of those dreams. She took it as a good sign. Her subconscience had just been speculating about a different life because she was stressed out in the real world. It wasn’t like being married to Kakashi would suddenly make everything perfect.

“And then, Konohamaru-sensei showed us the jutsu that Boruto’s dad—mom can I get these?” Sarada grabbed a box with a fox cartoon character chowing down on biscuits.

“Put them in the cart. How do you feel about eggplant miso soup for dinner?”

“Eggplant.” Sarada made a face.

“What’s wrong with eggplant?” Kakashi approached, a market basket dangling in one hand. They exchanged polite greetings.

Sakura had not seen him since she’d acted so rudely at her office. She gripped the handle of the cart, shame flooding her because she’d acted like a child. It must have seemed bizarre from his point of view. He had no idea why she was so tense around him and none of this was his fault.

“Eggplant is just so…tasteless and mushy.” Sarada stuck her tongue out.

“Well, not if you make it the right way,” Kakashi said.

“Is that a jab at my cooking?” Sakura narrowed her eyes.

“No,” Kakashi and Sarada replied at the same time.

“Hmph.”

“How come you’re only buying instant ramen?” Sarada peered into the basket. “You don’t cook?”

Kakashi shrugged. “It’s cheap, quick, and all I have to do is boil water.”

“Is it good?” Sarada picked up the shrink wrapped styrofoam, studying it like an artifact found at an archaeological dig. She was used to her mother making home-cooked meals for the majority of her life. Although Sakura was not one to cut out junk food entirely—she wasn’t a monster—she had never let Sarada even glance down the market aisle where the boxes of instant ramen were kept.

“The important thing is that I’m not hungry after I eat it.” Kakashi took back the ramen, replacing it in the basket.

Partly out of guilt for her earlier behavior and partly out of pity, Sakura offered, “Why don’t you come over for dinner and we can catch up?”

“It’s all right. Don’t want to intrude.” Kakashi waved her off politely.

Right, she’d made it pretty clear she wanted him to maintain his distance.

Sarada bounced on her toes, eyes shining. “After dinner, maybe you could show me a jutsu or two?”

“Well…” He hesitated.

“Please. I insist.” Sakura flashed him a smile.

They made their purchases and headed back to the house. The days were getting longer, the light remaining until late in the evening. It had been early spring when Sasuke had left on another mission. The entire time he was at home, he could not sit still, going out to train daily for hours, fixing things around the house, and going through reports he’d already gone through several times before.

As they walked past the front gate of her house, Sakura quickly checked her mailbox, not for the first time that day. She trailed after, apologizing for the mess inside as she took off her shoes in front of the door.

“Where do you want these?” Kakashi held up the grocery bags.

“On the kitchen counter. I’ll put them away in just a second.” Sakura rushed past him, sweeping through the living room and picking up the books left open, the medical reports she’d been writing, and old mail envelopes piled up because she’d been too busy to check.

“Um…”

Sakura whirled, hiding the stockings she’d been drying on the radiator behind her back. “You can just wait in the kitchen.”

“Relax. I’m not going to judge you because of your living room.” Kakashi held up his hands.

“I needed to clean up anyway—“

“I’m going to get started on the eggplant, if you want me to show you..?” He jabbed his thumb in the direction from where he came in.

Sakura nodded with false brightness, waiting until he turned away before stuffing the stockings between the couch cushions. She took one last look around. It still looked like a bomb had gone off, but less than it had before.

In the kitchen, Sarada was tying the smaller apron meant for her use like she was putting on armor.

Sakura hastily put on her own apron. “Sweetie, you can relax in your room. I can get dinner ready—“

“I want to help!” Sarada removed the eggplants from the bag, setting them on the counter. She bent her knees so that she was eye level with the vegetables, squinting at them.

“Hope you don’t mind me using this,” Kakashi said, putting on a frilly apron Sarada must have found for him. “Don’t want to get splash back on my clothes. Do I look cute?”

“So cute.” Sakura giggled.

He clapped and rubbed his hands together. “All right, now the secret of good eggplant is in the preparation.” He washed one eggplant and handed it to her. “Slice it up.”

“Why am I taking cooking advice from you? You bought enough instant ramen to last you a month.” Sakura pulled out knives from the drawer. “Sarada, do you want to get started on the rice?”

At that, Sarada disappeared into the pantry, returning with a precisely measured cup of rice she poured into the removable pot inside the cooker.

“Just because I’m lazy doesn’t mean I don’t know how to cook.” Kakashi placed the slices of eggplants in neat rows on an extra cutting board. “Where do you keep the salt?”

“The third cabinet to your right.”

He found the salt container, twirling it expertly in his hand. “Now the magic begins.”

“What are you doing? That’s way too much salt!” Sakura protested as he snowed it over the vegetables.

He raised a finger, wagging it. “That’s the secret. Now keep slicing.”

“Sarada and I are not eating that.”

“You will be eating your _words_.” He flipped the eggplants over and salted the other side.

Her lips puckered at the very sight of so much sodium. She hesitated giving him the last few slices, wondering if she could salvage this meal with a different pot of soup. When he was done ruining their dinner, he set down the salt, nodding at his work. “All right. Now we let it sit for thirty minutes.”

“Oooh, you can teach me in the backyard until then?” Sarada asked.

“What is letting it sit going to do other than let the salt penetrate and make it worse?” Sakura grumbled.

“To the backyard, young Sarada.” Kakashi pointed the way, striding forward with confidence.

Sakura shook her head. “The backyard is the other way.”

He pivoted, going where she directed. “I was just testing whether you knew your emergency exits.”

Kakashi may have had crazy ideas about eggplants and acceptable levels of salt, but Sakura trusted his skills as a shinobi. Retired or not, Kakashi would be a formidable warrior until the day he died.

“Anything in particular you’d like to learn?” he asked, stretching his arms.

Sarada blushed, looking at her feet. She pushed up her glasses because it had slipped down her nose. “Chidori,” she said quietly. “That’s what you taught my dad, isn’t it?”

Sakura’s stomach dropped. She met Kakashi’s gaze when he asked silently if this was okay.

Chidori. As a sharingan user, one of the last remaining, Sarada could learn to master the destructive technique. Sasuke had learned when he was about Sarada’s age from the same man. What happened after was filled with heartbreak and some of the most difficult decisions Sakura had ever made in her life. Learning chidori didn’t necessarily mean Sarada’s own life would be so dramatic, but Sakura couldn’t help but feel that it was a turning point of sorts, because of all of the history that came attached.

But those would be Sarada’s choices to make.

“Don’t worry about me,” Sakura murmured.

“I have a lightning affinity—just like my dad!” Sarada added eagerly.

Kakashi still hesitated. “I can teach you the theory behind it, but it’s not something I can really do anymore. I can do a variation of it that’s somewhat slowed down. Your father will have to help you if you want to perfect the real deal.”

“I think he would teach me…but I don’t even know when he’s coming back.” Sarada’s face fell.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Have you two heard from him lately?”

“He sends letters once in a while,” Sakura said. “I think he’ll be back this summer.”

“Well, if that’s the case, you’ll have something really cool to show him when he arrives, won’t you?” Kakashi said. “Activate your sharingan and copy these hand seals.”

Sarada nodded, her brow furrowing in concentration. She opened and closed her eyes, the pupils going from black to that piercing red, reknown by the enemies of Konoha as the marker of an Uchiha.

“Ox, rabbit, monkey,” he started, going through once and naming each hand seal out loud, then forming them more quickly. “Be careful while you practice. When I first developed it, I couldn’t do it more than once or twice a day.”

Sarada copied his movements perfectly. Once she got it down, she nodded.

“Mold your chakra for a basic lightning release then concentrate the energy into your dominant arm. Start small, then push more chakra as you get better.”

Sarada frowned as she tried it, the first sparks jumping to life in her hand. “It just seems like an ordinary lightning release.”

“The key is gathering a lot of chakra in your core before focusing all of it down your arm. The pressure of keeping that much energy together works to your advantage. You’ll know you got it right when you can hear the sound.”

The sound of a thousand birds, Sakura mused. She always found it such a beautiful name for a deadly jutsu. She went back inside and prepared some iced green tea. When she came back out with the tray, Sarada’s sparks had grown much larger, the white electricity flickering wildly.

“Careful.” Kakashi dodged a zap to the foot.

“Sorry!” Sarada cried out. She stared at her hand in frustration. The skin on her palm was raw from even the initial use of the technique. Sakura longed to heal it and return it back to its normal, unblemished state.

“Time for a break?” Sakura held up the tray.

They thanked her, taking the glasses and gulping them down. Sarada discreetly studied Kakashi’s face out of the corner of her eye when he pulled down his mask. Sakura settled herself with her drink on the patio chair. “I always meant to ask you, how old were you when you developed chidori, sensei?”

“Thirteen.”

Sakura choked on her iced tea, coughing. “Thirteen?!”

“Is that young?” Kakashi sat on the patio chair across from her.

“ _Very_.”

“Ah. Well, I’d just been promoted to jounin. Young, cocky. Thought I should come up with something impressive—not that I could even work it properly at the time. My own sensei told me not to use it in case it became a liability in battle.”

“How did you learn to control it?” Sarada asked, flexing her right hand open and closed. Sakura put down her glass and went to tend to her daughter’s raw skin, fussing to herself.

Kakashi tapped the scar running down his left eyelid. “That’s a long story. And I do believe the eggplants are ready.”

“You used to have a sharingan—but you’re not an Uchiha.” Sarada frowned.

“Indeed.”

“And you’re not going to tell us.”

“Hmm, gosh that was just so long ago. My memory’s not really what it used to be.”

Sakura rolled her eyes. Her daughter was learning another lesson today: Hatake Kakashi was an enigma, wrapped in a mystery, locked inside a conundrum.

“Just a hint?” Sarada tilted her head, putting a similar puppy-dog look she used regularly on her mother.

“Now, how could I resist that face?” He sighed. Sakura shot him a suspicious glare. He was giving in far too easily.

“You see, there was a secret jutsu on sale at an old witch’s hut. I sold my left pinky toe and a molar for it—oof.” Kakashi doubled over after Sakura jabbed his side with her elbow as they were walking into the house.

“Liar,” Sakura said, but she was smiling.

Back in the kitchen, Sakura’s bewilderment over Kakashi’s ideas about cooking continued to grow. The man, once again donned in the frilliest apron she own, was now washing off the salt from the eggplants then patting them dry with a paper towel. Sakura tried not to say anything as she boiled a pot of water for the soup.

Sarada peered at the ones not yet rinsed. Fat droplets of liquid had formed over the eggplants. “Where did all this water come from?”

“From the seeds. You have to draw out the moisture or the eggplant gets really bitter.” Kakashi turned to Sakura. “Anything else we should do in the mean time?”

“It should be fairly simple—just need to add dashi stock, tofu, and scallions…crud.” She slapped her forehead. “I forgot the scallions. Hold on, I’ll run to the store.”

“I can go,” Sarada volunteered, untying her apron.

Sakura handed her the money from her purse. “Come back safely.”

When Sarada had gone, Kakashi commented, “She’s a good kid.”

“She is,” Sakura replied, stirring the dashi into the water. The flakes melted in the heat, turning the water golden. “Thank you for teaching her. She’s so eager to learn everything—sometimes it’s hard to keep up.”

“She’s going to be a great kunoichi.”

“I know. Sometimes, I think that’s what I’m afraid of. The ‘greats’ don’t tend to live to an old age, now do they?”

“Uh,” Kakashi said, pointing at himself.

“You’re not old yet, sensei.”

“So by that logic, you’re saying I could still die young? Thanks.”

“Oh, you know what I mean.” Her cheeks went red.

He chuckled. “Just teasing. But what can you do? She’s got to live up to her potential.”

“I always felt bad for Sasuke for having the weight of his clan on him. Sometimes, I think Sarada tries so hard because she feels the same way he does, perhaps more so because she wants to make him proud.” Sakura ladled some of the stock into a saucer, letting it cool before tasting it. “I lied earlier. I have no idea if he’ll be back this summer.”

“Ah.”

“I miss him so much.” She jerked her head back so that she wouldn’t cry into the stock, blinking rapidly. “But he never stays. I’m afraid he never will.”

“Hey.” Kakashi moved closer to her, wiping away the tears with his thumb.

She couldn’t stop herself. She hid her face in his chest, the sobs racking through her body. Once it started, the waterworks would not stop. A voice in the back of her mind chided her for losing it in front of him like this, but another voice reassured her that of all people, he was the least likely to judge her.

His scent comforted her—familiar to her since she was a young girl. He’d not once changed the type of laundry soap he used in the years that she’d known him. He felt solid beneath her hands. That’s the way Kakashi was…steady. A constant in her life even when things went to shit.

She took a shuddering breath, stepping back. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“You don’t have to apologize for anything,” he said.

“I’ve been so weird lately. Maybe I should reduce my hours at the hospital,” she babbled, turning away from him to cut up the tofu into chunks.

“Yea. Maybe.”

“Sensei.”

“Hm?”

“Is it okay if I don’t call you sensei anymore?”

“I told you a long time ago that you didn’t have to.”

She spooned miso into the stock and stirred it around until it broke up. “When was that?”

“It was probably right after the war. During the celebrations.” Kakashi crossed his arms, leaning on the counter.

She gently slid the tofu into the pot, watching it sink to the bottom. “Oh.”

They were silent while Sakura put the mackeral in the pan. When she straightened and took a good look at him for the first time in a while, she snickered. “Are you not going to take that off?”

Kakashi picked at the frills of the apron. “It makes me feel pretty.”

#

As Kakashi walked home from dinner, he wondered to himself how he’d survived that ordeal. Cooking was no big deal. Teaching Sarada was also something he could handle. But when Sakura showed her vulnerability to him, burying her face in his chest, it was all he could do not to wrap his arms tight around her and stroke her hair. He wished he’d done it. And he was glad he hadn’t.

That day when she’d firmly told him to butt out of her business, he understood and did the mature thing by giving her her space. He spent a lot of his time alone anyway. It didn’t affect his days. He took care of his dogs, reread his Icha Icha, and avoided his (few) responsibilities. Business as usual.

So for the life of him, he could not fathom the happy skip of his heart when he spotted that bright head of pink hair at the grocery store. At her offer to cook dinner, he’d politely declined, but at the same time he hoped he would be ‘forced’ to accept if she insisted. Which she did.

He held up the plastic container of leftovers, sloshing the soup inside around.

“This is the best eggplant I’ve ever eaten,” she’d admitted, upon tasting it. He grinned at the memory. He didn’t cook often, or even knew that many recipes, but the things he could make, he made _right_.

“Got a spring in your step there,” Pakkun commented, padding up to his side.

“Must be my appreciation for life.”

The ninken lifted his squashed nose into the air. “I smell Blooming Bouquet on you. Sakura?”

“She invited me over for dinner.”

“I haven’t smelled her mate in the village for quite some time. It’d be easy for you to move in and replace him.” Pakkun nodded in approval.

“That’s not how human relationships work.”

“Why not? Ifyou don’t protect what is precious to you—what is even the point?”

Pakkun made a surprisingly insightful observation, but it wasn’t one really applicable to Kakashi. “I’m not interested in her like that. She was just looking rough lately and I thought she needed a friend.”

He didn’t like that she was smiling less. It caught his attention more than he would admit.

The ninken scoffed. “I know you better than you think. You wouldn’t be sniffing around her if you weren’t interested.”

“Again, I am not a dog.”

“Pffft. Humans.”

#

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another early update because I am a fool for you lot! Many hearts and lots of love to you. This was the first time I wrote Gai in any fic and I regret not inserting him into EVERY fic. I love this old boy.


	5. Chapter 5

_Kakashi paused his cooing over the white haired baby. She reached out for him with stubby fingers, wiggling on top of her blanket spread out on the living room floor. Had he just been trying to convince this baby to say “Dada?”_

_Whose baby was this?_

_She grabbed his hair and tugged._

“ _Sweetie, we’re going to be late for dinner at Naruto’s.” Sakura came in, fixing her earrings._

_Kakashi gently pried the tiny fingers out of his hair. “Sweetie?”_

_She kneeled down at his side, not minding that she was too close, pressing a hand to his forehead. “No fever. You’re not sick, so stop pretending.”_

_Hm. He figured this was a bizarre dream where he was married to Sakura. He looked at the baby. A little Hatake, by that logic. He had to admit, his baby was pretty cute. Well, let’s see how far this could go._

_She ushered him upstairs and he got dressed in the clothes laid out for him on the bed in the room they apparently shared. According to her, he would only waste more time trying to decide what to wear. This dream was at least true to the real Sakura. Strange that there seemed to be no sign of Sarada, however. A dream didn’t need to make perfect sense, so even if Sakura had never married Sasuke, Sarada could still be around. He didn’t think he subconsciously had something against Sakura’s daughter. He actually liked her quite well, in comparison to other young people he knew._

_When Kakashi came back downstairs, he found Sakura bent over her child, much like he’d been at the beginning of the dream._

“ _Mama,” she mouthed in an exaggerated way, smiling when the baby gurgled happily. Glancing up at him, she asked, “Has she said anything to you?”_

“ _Uh, not yet.”_

“ _I’m convinced she’s a little genius and she’ll start talking any day now. Didn’t you say you started talking when you were four months old?”_

“ _Yea…” He supposed dream-Sakura would know that if she was his significant other. He caught sight of the rings on both of their left hands._

“ _You clean up well, Mr. Hatake.” She slunk up to him, pressing him back against the wall, her round hips flush against his. He gulped. She put her lips next to his ear. “Maybe after dinner, we could…?”_

_Heaven help him. He never knew she could sound so sensual. His head felt light as he urged his cock to stand down. Her lips hovered over his. He could close the gap and taste them easily if he wanted to. Somehow, this felt right—but if he had enough control to remember reality, he didn’t want to think of this dream every time he saw her. It would just be a reminder of something that could not be. He just wasn’t sure if he could resist if she continued like this._

_Thankfully (he told himself) she pulled away, winking, her hand tracing a lingering line down his torso before drawing back. He remained frozen against the wall, staring at her with wide eyes. She didn’t notice, putting the baby in a carrier and handing the whole thing to him. He obediently took hold, asking the baby silently what all of this meant._

“ _I fed Chihiro already so hopefully she won’t fuss too much,” Sakura said._

_Chihiro? The baby’s name. …His mother’s name._

_He looked around the living room, scattered with colorful toys and picture books. He looked at Sakura, who took his hand, kissing his scarred knuckles. He looked at the baby._

_It was just a dream that had to end eventually._

_An impossible dream._

_So why did some part of him wish it were real?_

#

Things were starting to get back to normal for Sakura. No more dreams. Well, just the usual ones that made no sense. They didn’t have startling details about the possibility of another life. She barely ever saw Kakashi either. When he returned the plastic container she’d lent him, he hadn’t done it in person. She found it left on her counter with a note that simply said, “Thanks.”

She also had him to thank for Sarada coming home from training sessions with electricity burns.

“You have to be more careful. This is the third time this week,” Sakura chided. She healed the veins now fully visible on Sarada’s body, colored red against her pale skin, branching out like delicate coral down her thin arm and shoulders.

“I almost got it. I just need to ask the Rokudaime a few more questions, but I haven’t been able to find him.” Sarada swung her legs impatiently as she sat in the chair. Her legs were too short to touch the floor yet. With her free hand, she took the glass of iced milk tea off of the table, sipping it through the straw.

“If he doesn’t want to be found, you will never find him.” Sakura noticed a few scrapes on Sarada’s hands too. Sometimes, she thought her daughter was more reckless than Naruto because Sarada knew she could always come back home and get fixed up anytime.

“I bet I could find him.” Sarada’s black eyes glinted from the challenge.

Sakura poked her daughter’s forehead, laughing gently. “Oh?”

“Yea.”

“Do you think you could find him before me?”

Sarada hesitated then said, “I mean I could try.”

“You’re on, missy.”

“Wha—is this a bet?” Sarada’s eyes widened. “What do I get if I win?”

“Hmm…what do you want?”

“I don’t want to take out the trash for a week. No, a month!”

“Okay, but if I win,” Sakura paused in consideration. An image floated up from her memories. Without thinking, she softly said, “You have to help me plant a garden.”

Sarada frowned. “A garden? Isn’t it a little late for that?”

Sakura straightened, realizing what she had suggested. No taking it back now. “The weather’s getting warmer, but it’s not too hot just yet. I’m going to the flower shop to pick up some seeds and stuff today.”

“Okay.” Sarada shrugged, looking over her newly healed hand. She tested out a fist. “I’m going to start looking for the Rokudaime right _now_.”

With that, she ran out the door, Sakura calling out after her to be safe. Since Sakura had the day off, she took her time, doing the dishes, vacuuming the house, and picking up those seeds from the Yamanaka family’s shop.

“If you’re just starting out, try the tomatoes and sunflowers. Beans are fairly easy too,” Sai said. He wore a green apron over his normal all black attire, pointing out the seed packets with a gloved hand.

“Ino’s not around today?” Sakura asked.

“Just stepped out to visit the farm. Hydrangeas should be coming in soon, with summer and all.”

“I love hydrangeas. Do you think I could plant some of those too?”

“I’ll ask Ino if you could get a cutting.”

“They don’t grow from seeds?”

“They do, but it’s much easier to grow if you get a cutting.”

Sakura beamed at him. “I never thought you’d become such a green thumb.”

“Well, it’s the family business.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

“Just these for me. Oh, and those lilacs in a bouquet please,” she said, handing him her choices.

He went over the register, punching in the numbers. “Are the flowers for someone at the hospital?”

“No. I’m going to visit the cenotaph.” She counted out the money and slid it over to him.

“Ah.” Sai gave her back her change then went over to the bucket filled with lilacs. He pulled out a few stalks, shaking out the water they were sitting in. “Any accents to add?”

“Those will do just fine. Simple is better.”

He nodded, wrapping the flowers in cellophane and tying them off. He handed the bouquet to her. “Say hello to Neji for me.”

Sakura breathed in the scent of lilacs, smiling. “I will.”

#

She spotted Kakashi sitting by the cenotaph, leaning against it with his long legs stretched out in the grass. She knew he’d already sensed her approaching, but he didn’t look up from the worn copy of Icha Icha in his hand. She laid down the flowers then touched the stone in greeting.

She noticed the half empty bottle of sake by Kakashi’s side and was glad Sarada had not found him first. His mask was down too. “Drinking in broad daylight,” she said flatly.

“It doesn’t make it any sadder if I drink at night instead,” he pointed out. Despite the strong smell of alcohol surrounding him, he sounded perfectly sober.

“Is something wrong?” She sat down next to him, not missing the way he shrank away from her.

“Life is a meaningless joke,” he muttered, taking another swig of sake.

“You always say that.” But he usually did it with a smile. She never got the full details of his life, but she knew enough to understand the scars that had never quite fully healed.

“And I meant it.”

“How much sake have you been drinking?” She wrinkled her nose. The smell was overpowering—not something you got after only half a bottle.

“This is my first of the day.” He swirled the contents inside the glass. He winked. “Of sake.”

“Okay.” She made to grab for the bottle out of his hand. “Give it here.”

“Uh uh.” He stuck it in his mouth and began chugging.

This impossible man-baby. She wrestled him down, pinning him with her weight. He could have gotten away if he hadn’t kept trying to drink. She ripped the bottle out of his grip, tossing it into the distance with her chakra enhanced strength.

“Litter bug.” He pointed at her then let his head drop back onto the ground.

“You’ll thank me when your hangover is less painful than it should be.” She patted his cheek.

He seized her hand, pressing it to his face, eyes closed. She stilled. The turmoil in his expression smoothed away as he took a deep breath. His skin was warm beneath her touch, with the faint graze of stubble.

“What are you doing?” she asked quietly. Her hair had come loose, the long pink strands dropping like a curtain around them.

“Pretending.”

Her heart thumped. “About what?”

“Can’t come up with a good lie right now, sorry.”

“But you always lie.”

“I can’t about this.” He opened his eyes and she felt like he could see right into her very core. It stole the air from her lungs. He released her hand. “You should go.”

“No, tell me.” She moved off of him, but stayed on the ground.

He didn’t look at her, standing up. He pulled the mask back into place. “If you won’t go, I’ll go instead.”

“Kakashi,” she warned.

He formed the hand seals and was gone in a puff of smoke.

Sakura sat there, long after he was gone. He’d left behind his copy of Icha Icha. That was how much he’d wanted to get away from her. She clenched her fingers into the grass, pulling out handfuls.

Later, when Sarada came home, she sat at the table grumbling while Sakura cooked dinner, “I couldn’t find him anywhere. Did you find him, mom?”

“No. It looks like we both lost.” Sakura used the long cooking sticks to roll up the layers of egg in the pan.

“I can still help with the garden though.” Sarada picked up one of the seed packets, reading the instructions on the back.

“That’s very sweet of you, but you still have to take out the trash.”

“Boo.” Sarada wrinkled her nose, sticking out her tongue.

They shared a simple meal of rice, tamagoyaki and the parsnip kinpura Sakura had made the day before. Sarada told her about the efforts to locate Kakashi—including looking inside the nostrils of the Yondaime on the Hokage Monument.

“Now why would he have been in there?” Sakura laughed.

“Boruto’s dad said that he might be.”

“I think Naruto sent you on a wild goose chase.”

“It’s not a very funny joke.” Sarada pouted.

“Naruto’s jokes are only funny to himself.” Sakura picked up a piece of kinpura and placed it in her mouth.

“How is he the Hokage…”

“Your guess is as good as mine.”

“Hey, mom?”

“Hmm?” The tamagoyaki was a little salty rather than sweet. She’d have to keep that in mind next time.

“Why did the Rokudaime retire so early?” Sarada pushed her glasses back into place.

Sakura considered it. “I don’t think he ever really wanted the job.”

“Why not?” Sarada’s brow wrinkled. “Isn’t being Hokage the best job a shinobi can hold?”

There were a lot of answers Sakura could give. Kakashi was lazy. He hated responsibility. He was too noncommittal.

But none of those were quite the truth.

“He cares too much. It takes a lot out of him, so he likes to pretend not to care at all.” Sakura set her chopsticks down over her empty bowl. “Very few people are close to him for that reason.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

Sakura laughed, gathering up the dirty dishes. “Don’t try to make sense of him. You’ll just get a headache.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all the lovely comments left behind. I get so excited whenever one pops up in my inbox!!
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/user/ordinaryprincess/playlist/5fvK5yANO6Z6C7ithuvD2v
> 
> This is the playlist to AL--it used to be in order but I went on an adding spree and now it's insanely long. There are some reader recommendations in there as well that were absolutely perfect!


	6. Chapter 6

Kakashi found the Icha Icha he’d left behind that day on his kitchen table, a note on top informing him, “You forgot this.”

He opened it, flipping through the dog earred pages with no interest, until he caught sight of Sakura’s pretty handwriting annotating the margins. He stopped and began reading them:

_How can she possibly wrap her arms around his neck and squeeze his butt at the same time?_

_She’s screaming so loudly she’ll wake up the whole house._

_This part is kind of sweet._

_You need a priest._

_Are you mad at me?_

This last one, he lingered on. If he paid careful attention, he could still smell her scent, clinging to the paper. He sat in the chair, shutting the book then burying his hands in his face. He’d heard her voice, clear and bright, in his head as if she was right next to him, chatting away as she usually did. He wished she was there so that she could say it to him in person, but that was a very bad idea.

It didn’t matter to him that she was his former student, but she was a married woman. One wrong move and she was gone from his life forever. He imagined her disgust with him for even considering instigating an affair. No more random checkups. No more pleasant run-ins. All of it. Gone.

A small voice in the back of his mind asked him if what he had already was enough. It wasn’t like he had that now, since he was avoiding her anyway. He scrubbed his face. What kind of fucking joke was this?

He was falling for her at the worst possible time.

He went over and picked up the phone on the wall in front of the kitchen entrance, dialing a number.

The tone ringed before the other side picked up with hearty laugh. “This is Maito Gai. Who am I speaking to?”

“It’s me.”

“Kakashi, my eternal rival! I challenge you to a wheelchair race around the village!”

“You’re on.”

Kakashi went over to Gai’s apartment, which was only a few blocks away. He avoided looking in the direction that would take him to Sakura’s house. The Uchiha residence, he corrected.

When Gai opened the door, he frowned, his massive eyebrows increasing in intensity. “What is wrong, my friend?”

“Nothing. Let’s get this show on the road.”

“Hmmmmm,” Gai growled.

“That won’t work on me. I’m not twelve.”

“HMMMMmmmm.”

“Stop it.”

“HmmmmmMMMMMM!”

Kakashi sighed, resting his forehead against his fist. “Can I come inside?”

By the time Kakashi finished explaining, Gai had brewed up some coffee and was pouring the pot into mugs.

“A married woman,” Gai said, glowering over his drink. “Kakashi, you must not.”

Kakashi was glad he’d refrained from calling her outright by her name. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Normally, I would be overjoyed that the passions of love has finally taken you, but marriage is a sacred and honorable bond.” Gai shook his head, setting down his mug on a coaster.

“How do I stop feeling this way…” Kakashi sighed.

“Stop…feeling?” Gai gripped the armrests of his wheelchair. “Now that is impossible!”

“You’re giving me very contradictory signals here.”

Gai inhaled, nostrils flaring. “I see no way out of this. This is a situation most vexing, my friend.”

“There’s no point in worrying about it. The right thing is so clear here.” Kakashi swallowed the coffee, trying not to taste it. It was bitter enough to grow hair on his tongue.

Tears began to flow down Gai’s face. He clapped a hand on Kakashi’s arm. “The cruel twist of fate! You must always love from afar—never to let her know the true extent of your ardent, romantic heart.”

“My heart is neither ardent nor romantic.”

“Deflecting because of your pain will not hide the fact that you ache for her most dearly!”

“Shut up. Are we going to race or not?”

“You know where the spare wheelchair is.” Gai narrowed his eyes.

Later, as Kakashi sat in the examination room with a broken collarbone and arm, he contemplated what exactly he thought was doing. Challenges from Gai always landed Kakashi in the hospital. If he was in the hospital, he could count on Sakura being the one to attend to him, since the staff knew their history. He was being an idiot. He hopped down from the examination bed, wincing at the jolt of pain. He could walk this off.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Sakura opened the door, clipboard tucked under one arm.

“Just a sprain. No need for healing.”

“Sit back down,” she ordered, not looking up as she read his chart.

He obeyed, but stared at the wall just beyond her.

“What was the bet this time?” she asked.

“Wheelchair race around Konoha.”

“Who won?”

“Gai did.”

“You’re getting out of shape because of all that instant ramen.” Sakura tapped the clipboard with her pen. “Have you gotten weighed recently?”

“Still trim and fit, thank you.”

She poked his stomach. “Did Gai tell you that he’s started treatment?”

“Mhm. He’s fairly excited about it.”

“I really hope it works.”

“I just don’t want him to become despondent if it doesn’t. Sometimes it’s crueler to have that kind of hope and then to lose it.”

“But that’s the great thing about him. He’s never afraid to try.” Sakura pointed to Kakashi’s shirt. “I’m going to have to cut that.”

“I like this shirt,” he protested, but let her use the scissors on it anyway. He tensed, feeling her fingers ghost over the bare skin on his back. He wonder if she noticed, but there was no change in her expression. Just a clinical disinterest she had for every one of her patients, probably.

“Sarada’s been looking for you,” she said, placing her hands on his collarbone, checking it was properly aligned. “She wants you to teach her some more.”

“Ah.”

“Maybe…you could come over for dinner?” Her eyebrows tilted with uncertainty.

He shut his eyes. So many reasons to say no. He should say no.

Instead, he heard himself say, “Sure.”

It was worth it as he basked in the full force of her smile, up close where she filled his range of sight. The tilt of her green eyes. Her cheeks turning a shade pinker. He could live inside that moment created by her smile.

And he would call it home.

#

In the middle of dinner, the skies rumbled and rain hammered on the roof over their heads. Sakura went to the window, seeing nothing but polished darkness through the glass and her own reflection. “It’s really coming down out there.”

“If you let me borrow an umbrella, I can walk home,” Kakashi said.

“No,” she said, aghast. Did he think her heartless? “No way. I’m not turning you out into a storm, you dolt. You’re staying here for the night.”

The lights flickered dim then shut off completely.

“There should be some candles around here somewhere,” Sakura muttered. She found them in a rarely used drawer inside the pantry. She lit one and set it on the table so that they could finish their meal.

After eating, they put a bunch of candles on the coffee table in the living room and sat around it. Sarada gathered her knees into her chest. “It’s too dark to read or do anything. I don’t want to go to sleep yet, though. It’s barely 7:30.”

“What about a board game?” Sakura suggested, going over to the cabinet in the corner. Dust greeted her and she coughed. “Shinobi, Merchant Trail, Daimyo—what sounds good?”

“Sarada can choose,” Kakashi said.

“Do we still have Road of Life?” Sarada asked.

Sakura lifted up the boxes. “Yes we do.” She tugged it out, careful not to let the whole stack fall. “I call red.”

“Blue,” Sarada said.

“Is there white?” Kakashi asked.

“Yep.” Sakura opened the box, revealing a folded piece of painted cardboard. She doled out the pieces as they’d called them, setting down her own at the beginning area of the game board.

“Dad would always play black.” Sarada picked up the piece, standing it up next to the candle.

“You were so little, I can’t believe you remember,” Sakura said.

“Let’s play again when he gets back.” Sarada grinned, twirling her own piece and tossing it into the air.

As Sakura counted out the fake money, she glanced at Kakashi. “I feel weird _giving_ you money when you stuck us with the bill so many times.”

“If you’d like, you can take repayment with the game currency,” he replied.

“Naruto will get that money out of you eventually. It was one of his political promises when he became Hokage: ‘Get Hatake Kakashi to pay everyone back.’”

“Ah, I seem to recall that. Hasn’t been successful yet.”

“Can’t you just pay me back at least?” Sakura slid over the fake money to him.

“What do I owe you?”

She tilted her head. “You know, I have no idea.”

“That certainly makes it difficult.”

“Hey.” She jabbed a finger into his side. “That doesn’t mean you don’t owe me. You’ll owe me until your dying day, mister.”

He smiled behind his mask in that quiet way of his. “Deal.”

She didn’t know why her pulse picked up. She busied herself by mixing the deck of cards with the game events written on them and placing it in the middle of the board.

Sarada, like mother like daughter, was competitive almost to a fault. She and Sakura were the ones really playing, while Kakashi took the game not seriously at all. He’d make arbitrary decisions, like spending a huge amount of money on dog grooming supplies or buying a pool and filling it with cherry jelly.

“Hmm.” Kakashi picked up the game event card. “It says here I have to marry the player to my right.”

“I don’t want to marry you,” Sakura shot back. “You have a bunch of kangaroos in your shed!”

“Rules are rules. Haruno Sakura, you _must_ marry me.” Kakashi held up the plastic ring.

“Mom’s name is Uchiha Sakura.” Sarada laughed.

“Ah. How could I forget?” He slipped the ring on Sakura’s finger.

Sakura stared at her hand where the plastic sat over her real wedding band. In the background, Sarada was lost in a fit of giggles, rolling around the rug.

Kakashi continued, “And since it’s still my turn—I want to spend one hundred ryo on doll shoes. But for the left foot only.”

“Wow, I want a divorce.” Sakura rolled her eyes.

“Good call. I won’t change.” He shrugged.

A few more rounds were played, but to their great surprise, Kakashi won the last game.

“How?!” Sarada demanded, flipping the board. “I was about to win!”

“Cheater!” Sakura kicked him.

“I think you’re both cranky because it’s past your bedtime.” Kakashi smugly twirled his game piece between his fingers.

After the heated accusations died down, they decided it was indeed time for bed. Sarada pouted as she went upstairs. “We didn’t get to train because of the rain.”

“Maybe in the morning,” Kakashi said.

Sakura finished setting up the couch for him. “Sorry, we have a guest room, but it’s more of a storage right now.”

“This is perfect. Thank you.” He sat down on the clean sheets tucked over the couch cushions. “Are you headed to bed too?”

She yawned. “Yea, I should sleep. Help yourself to anything if you need it.”

“Good night.”

 

 

#

Sakura stared up at her ceiling as she lay on her side of the bed. She closed her eyes again, trying to sleep. Rain drops drummed against her window, a constant patter she could not block out. She sighed, deciding to go downstairs for a drink of water.

As soon as she hit the last step, she heard Kakashi’s voice in the darkness, “Couldn’t sleep?”

“The rain was keeping me up.” She used her muscle memory to find the kitchen and came back with her water. She curled up on the armchair diagonal to the couch. “Why are you awake?”

“Same. The rain.”

“I hope all of my plants don’t get washed away,” Sakura said, looking towards the window. “I’m starting a garden, you know.”

“Sarada mentioned that.”

“There are some tomatoes out there. Sasuke loves those. Maybe I could plant some eggplant too—since you like it.”

“Eggplants are harder to grow than tomatoes.”

“I can still try.”

“It’s too late for them.”

“It’s my garden.” She tucked her chilly feet beneath herself.

She heard his blankets shift and the saw the outline of his hair in the faint light. “That’s true. It’s up to you.”

They fell silent, listening to the rain and thunder. She shivered.

“Cold?” Kakashi asked.

“Kind of. I should get back to bed.”

“Just use my blanket.”

“No, it’s fine.”

“I can’t sleep and I like talking to you. Stay here a while?”

He liked talking to her? She was glad it was so dark, where he couldn’t see her blushing. There were few people in the world he felt he that way about that and she just felt _special_ when he admitted that to her.

“But if I take your blanket, then you’ll be cold.” She laughed, joking, “Unless we share it…”

There was no response from him.

Perhaps that wasn’t really that funny, considering some of the undertones of their relationship. Feeling awkward, she quickly added, “Kidding. I’ll grab another blanket from the closet.”

She came back with the blanket thrown over her head like a shroud, the rest of it wrapped around her securely. She snuggled up on the armchair again, sighing. “This is better.” He was so quiet, she had to ask, “Are you asleep?”

A delayed answer followed her question, “No.”

“Good. We can be tired together tomorrow.”

“Joke’s on you. I’m allowed to take naps during the day.”

“You were born to be retired.”

He chuckled. The sound of it reverberating in the darkness warmed her. She brought up the blanket over her nose, shutting her eyes. “Kakashi, why were you drinking that day? I was really worried about you.”

“You don’t want to know.” The sheets rustled as he turned away from her.

Maybe she didn’t want to know, but she needed to know. When he had held her hand against his face, it had been _something_ she had been afraid to name. Something intimate and dangerous. She opened her eyes, studying his form that she could make out in the shadows. All this time, she’d thought it was the dreams making her imagine what was not there, but when he did that…

Kakashi was so close. She only had to take a few steps and she would be right next to him. Her heart beat grew louder in her ears until it blocked out the sound of the rain.

Lightning flashed, illuminating the portrait of her family resting on the shelf by the wall opposite to her. The captured image of the three of them seemed to stare at her in accusation. Her throat closed, sealing away the question she had been seconds away from asking.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come play with me on tumblr!!! Same username as here. It's the other place I waste all of my time on besides this site. Thank you for reading and listening to my dumb playlist~ <3 <3


	7. Chapter 7

Kakashi walked into the kitchen the next morning and thought he was in another dream.

“Good morning, sleepy head,” Sakura said over her shoulder. The sunlight from the window touched her messy, unbrushed hair in a halo. A bit of flour dusted her nose. She wore a thin shirt and mismatching shorts that she used as pajamas. From where he stood, he had an amazing view of her legs as she balanced to one side, scratching the back of her knee with her foot.

He unconsciously started for her, but stopped himself in time. “Morning. Smells good in here.”

“I’m making pancakes. They would be hotcakes, but there wasn’t enough time to let the batter sit.” She slid the freshly cooked ones onto a plate and handed them to him. “Coffee’s in the pot.”

He thanked her, taking his plate to the table on the other side of the kitchen. He came back for the coffee, stealing another glance at her. He sat down and sipped from his mug. She hummed a song she was making up as she went, the sound mingling with the chirping of birds outside.

Peace. This was what peace meant.

“There’s honey or syrup—“ Sakura joined him at the table with her own plate. “Are you just going to eat it like that?”

His pancakes were naked of any kind of toppings. He cut his fork into the fluffy disks. “Something wrong with that?”

“Monster,” she breathed.

“Mmmmm, so good.”

She continued to stare at him with horror as she poured syrup liberally over her own food. She nudged the bottle over to him. “You’re sure about this?”

“This is the way pancakes were meant to be eaten.”

“You’re really freaking me out here.”

“I never follow the crowd.”

“Just try it with syrup on.” Sakura held up a piece of her pancake, dripping with glucose down the fork.

He leaned away. “That is diabetes waiting to happen.”

“Oh?” She laughed, waving the fork closer to his face. “Mr. Instant Ramen is suddenly health conscious? Come here.” She grabbed him with her free hand, tugging him closer, dragging his chair with him.

He screwed up his face like a child being told to eat his vegetables. She taunted him, her voice right next to his ear. If he just turned his head he could meet her with a kiss. Finally, he gave in, eating the sickly sweet bite of pancake and shuddering. “Bully.”

She sat back in her seat with smug satisfaction, licking the syrup off of her fingers. Her eyes glinted with a wicked light. “I know.”

His mouth went dry as he watched her lips close around her digits. He had the terrible thought that he wouldn’t mind the syrup if he could taste it through her. The smile on his face died immediately and he ducked his head, shoulders hunched. He wolfed down the rest of his food and stood up.

“Going already?” Sakura asked, not even half way done with eating.

“Gotta check on the dogs.” He took his dishes over to the sink, giving them a quick wash and placing them on the rack.

There was a slight scratching noise from the front door. Sakura went to answer it, the confusion on her face clearing when a whole pack of ninken piled on top of her. Happy barks and yips filled the air.

Sarada, who seemed to have super human hearing when it came to animals, came rushing down the stairs, her eyes going wide. She jumped into the moving mass of fur. “Dogs!”

Kakashi began herding them out of the house. “Okay, that’s enough. Let’s head back home and I’ll feed you guys—“

“The neighbor fed us already,” Pakkun informed him, jumping out of the group and standing at attention.

“You can’t go yet,” Sarada protested, her heading popping up. “You said we could train in the morning. It’s morning!”

Kakashi opened his mouth to answer when something occurred to him. “…Sakura?”

“Mmmph!” Sakura replied, muffled by the dogs. Her hand appeared and Kakashi grabbed it, pulling her back into the open air. She fell against him, breathing hard.

“You all right? Sorry, the pack plays rough sometimes.” He brushed back her hair behind her ear, searching her face.

“Y-yea.” She calmed down. Her fingers lightly touched the top of his hand in surprise.

Their eyes met and everything in the background seemed to go quiet. He saw her more clearly than anything else. The way her pupils widened within the green of her eyes. The part of her petal soft lips he was dying to run his thumb over. The yield of her curves as she pressed against him.

“Mom, is there more pancakes?” Sarada piped up.

Sakura yanked herself out of his arms. She hurried into the kitchen. “I just need to put some more in the pan.”

Sarada didn’t follow her mother, crossing her arms. She told Kakashi, “You know, I don’t think I’m free to train today.”

He kept his expression blank, sticking his hands into his pockets. He nodded. The pack followed him out of the house, quiet now in the rapidly cooling atmosphere around them.

“The pup is sharp,” Shiba commented, padding by Kakashi’s side.

“Yea, well, I was practically groping her mother in front of her. Not exactly subtle.” Kakashi stared straight ahead.

“You barely touched Blooming Bouquet,” Pakkun snorted.

“That’s a problem. How is she supposed to know your intent if you act like it’s your first season?” Bull said.

“Since everyone’s already eaten, let’s go for a ten kilometer run.” Kakashi increased his pace. Anything to take him further away from her.

Anything to forget everything he couldn’t have.

#

“Forehead.” Ino stared at the enormous pile of flowers stacked in Sakura’s office. Vases dominated every flat surface, bursting with colorful blooms.

“Hm?”

“Did you scheme to empty my family’s store or something?”

“No, these are White Day gifts.” Sakura picked up one bouquet, burying her nose in it.

“…How many chocolates did you give out during the Love Festival?” Ino plucked out a flower stalk, tucking it behind her ear.

“Not that many.”

Ino snapped her head to the door as Sai entered holding a thin handful of daisies tied together with a ribbon. “Even my husband? You hussy, I’ll scratch your eyes out!”

“What?” Sai took in the flowers too. “So this is where they went. I thought sales were particularly good today.”

“Relax, Pig. I made some for all the boys.” Sakura rolled her eyes.

“But _why_?” Ino hissed.

“Just felt like it.”

Sai held out his own bouquet for Sakura with uncertainty. “Should I just…put it on top?”

“Give those to me. Thank you, dear. I love daisies,” Ino said savagely.

“They were pretty much the only kind left at the end of the day.” He shrugged.

“I’m glad you like the flowers from your own store,” Sakura said.

“You stay away from my man.” Ino clamped down on the stems, breaking them easily.

“So…” Sai nodded. “Ready to go?”

“Not yet. I still haven’t convinced Forehead here,” Ino said, changing her mood instantly, as if she hadn’t just been threatening bodily harm against her friend only seconds ago. “You need to get out more.”

“What’s that?” Sai asked, not paying attention in the least to what was going on, pointing at the doll sitting on Sakura’s desk.

“Bobo,” Sakura said.

“But what is it, some kind of raccoon?”

“Chipmunk-cat-bear.”

“She’s losing it,” Ino confided to Sai through the side of her mouth.

“I can hear you. Fine, I’ll go—but I didn’t bring a change of clothes so I’ll have to go home first.” Sakura shut the report she’d been working on.

“No need,” Ino sang. “Forehead, look behind door number one!”

Since there were no doors other than the one for her office, Sakura assumed that Ino meant her desk drawers. She opened it and found a _tiny_ black dress folded inside. “I will not fit into this.”

“It’ll stretch. Now, we’ll wait outside while you change.” Ino ushered her husband out of the room, winking.

Sakura finished dressing, pulling on the edges of the dress as she came through the door. “I’m going to flash everyone in this. I don’t even have my shorts.”

“It’ll be an exciting night.” Ino laughed. “But seriously, you look crazy hot. Sai, do not comment.”

“I wasn’t going to,” he muttered.

As they walked out of the hospital, Sakura asked, “How’s Inojin these days?”

“He’s progressing well with the brush.” Sai nodded proudly.

“No real interest in the family tradition though.” Ino twisted her lips. “I mean, he gets the mental jutsus, but he really likes what his father teaches him better.”

“He’s simply focusing his talents rather than depleting himself,” Sai said.

“So you’re saying that my family’s techniques aren’t as important?”

“ _Our_ family’s techniques.”

“Aww…wait. Aww? Oh, just kiss me.” Ino dragged him down, grabbing him by the collar in the middle of the street.

Sakura waited patiently, gave them a few minutes, then started walking again, wobbling slightly because she hadn’t worn heels in a long time. The amorous couple caught up shortly. Sakura rolled her eyes as Ino reached over, lovingly wiping the lipstick off of Sai’s chin.

#

“I’m telling you, it’d be perfect. We could be in-laws,” Ino said, stirring her fruity drink with the straw.

“Hell no, Pig. I don’t want to see you at any reunions,” Sakura replied. She downed her whole drink at the very thought and signaled the server for another one.

The bar was full that night, celebrating another successful round of chunin exams. Sakura hadn’t attended one since Sarada had passed, so some of the names being passed around were unfamiliar to her.

“The new chunin were marginally better than the ones from the last round. 5% of them passed,” Sai said.

The server brought around Sakura’s new drink, which she sipped. “What was the rate the last time?”

“One. Only one passed.”

“Yikes.”

“Morino Ibiki’s exams tend to fool most of the examinees if Naruto isn’t around to convince them to try something stupid,” Ino said, snorting.

Sakura leaned back smiling. “I remember. I would have failed too if not for him.”

“And look at him now. The bleeping Hokage. What am I doing with my life?” Ino muttered.

Shikamaru arrived with Temari, sliding into the booth with them.

“How was the visit to Suna?” Sakura asked.

“Hot and troublesome,” Shikamaru said.

Ino hooted, cupping her hands around her mouth.

“Not in _that_ way.” He rolled his eyes.

Temari slapped her hands down on the table. “Big news though. Just found this morning—we’re having another baby!”

There was a round of applause and cheers. Just as they launched into questions about baby details, Kiba came in with Tamaki, Tenten and Shino.

Tenten rested a fist against her hip. “What’s the commotion about?”

“I’m having another baby!” Temari yelled, just as loudly as the first time.

“Another baby!” Tenten squealed. She dragged Temari out of the booth so that they could jump for joy together.

“A new life?” Gai wheeled in, running over Kiba, much to Tamaki’s distress. “Fantastic!”

“Yo.” Kakashi raised his hand in greeting. He pulled up a chair, rather than force his way into already crowded seating. Kiba got up, bent over, clutching his back like an old man. He grumbled that he was going to sit in the booth next to them instead, .

“Sensei!” Lee ran in, gripping Gai’s hand in greeting.

“My young pupil—it has been too long.”

“I saw you two crying about youth in front of the stationary store this morning,” Kakashi said. He thanked the server who brought him a whiskey neat.

He’d disappeared so suddenly the other day. Sakura wanted to interrogate him, but she couldn’t do it in front of all of her friends. They’d wonder why he’d slept over at her house in the first place and they would put way too much meaning into it. It didn’t matter that she didn’t want him to catch pneumonia by walking home in a storm.

When she asked Sarada what happened, her daughter shrugged and made up some baloney excuse Sakura saw straight through. It was also strange that Sarada made no more mentions of Kakashi training her. Cold intuition told Sakura that her daughter suspected something.

If it was noticeable to Sarada, then it would be to others as well. Sakura had to stop this. She was being a fool. It no longer felt like errant curiosity, but an urge to seek out his company, to be near him, to just listen to whatever outrageous lie he could come up with for that day. She gripped her glass.

She tried to forget he was there, but trying to ignore someone only made you more aware of them. She tried not to smile when she picked up on his dry comments through the din of conversation. She smothered the natural reaction to call him out on his embellishments of truth.

“Honestly Sakura, I haven’t seen you in so long, I thought you’d moved out of Konoha,” Tenten said.

“She’s always working or cooped up in the house.” Ino shook her head in pity. “I barely see her too.”

“She hangs out with Kakashi fairly often these days,” Sai said. He was drunk, apparent from the slight sway back and forth and the glow in his cheeks.

The table went silent. All eyes went to Kakashi, who stared down at his drink as if he didn’t notice.

“Sai,” Ino said. “Didn’t you say _all_ the men of Konoha bought flowers for Sakura today?”

“Not me,” Shikamaru corrected.

“All the men who Sakura knows and were here for the Love Festival.” Ino amended impatiently, throwing her hands up in the air.

Kiba stood up on his knees so that he could see over the booth from the other side. “I got her a carnation. That’s like for moms, right?”

“I could not know if all the male acquaintances in Sakura’s life bought her flowers. I am certainly not familiar with her entire social circle.” Sai scoffed.

“I got her lilies,” Shino said.

“Sunflower!” Gai shouted.

“Ranunculus!” Lee yelled.

Ino steepled her hands, pinning Kakashi with a look. “And what did you get her?”

“I…didn’t,” he admitted.

Sakura stood up, gritting her teeth. “I have to go.”

Dramatic exits were difficult when there were two people blocking your way out of the booth. Sakura freed herself and fled the bar, feeling multiple pairs of eyes bearing down curiously on her back.

She was down the block when a gloved hand grabbed her wrist. Her instincts took over, breaking out of the grip and moving into a defensive stance. Through the tears, she saw it was only him.

Only Kakashi.

“Why didn’t you just get me flowers like the rest of them?” she asked. They were alone on the street. Decent people had already gone to bed and were not arguing with each other in public about an infidelity that was not yet fully an affair. She almost wished they were having an affair, at least then she would know exactly where she stood.

“They’re smart enough to know that doesn’t mean anything. Other people could have—“

“And what about the fact that you chased me out here? Does that not mean anything too?”

He let his hands drop to his sides. She was breathing hard from running and her feet were killing her. She undid the straps of the heels and took them off.

“What are we doing?” she asked, her voice cracking.

“Losing our damn minds,” he whispered. He stepped towards her, taking her face in his hands, pressing a hard kiss onto her mouth.

She dropped the heels. They clattered onto the dirt. She tasted him and the salt of her own tears on her tongue. Her body came alive beneath his touch, her blood rushing and warming every part of her.

The kiss broke her and remade her. She was a galaxy being born from the remains of dead stars, the pressure exploding, bursting with light traveling at speeds she could not comprehend and blossoming in the darkness. She found the parts hidden within her in the negative spaces that she was not meant to know. More. More. She wanted, no _needed_ more.

He murmured her name, his voice a velvet reminder that the man in her arms was most definitely not her husband. There was shame in the realization that behind her closed eyes, she was not imagining Sasuke, not one bit. She was fully aware it was Hatake Kakashi, perpetual liar and the source of her madness.

The moment lasted an eternity.

The moment ended too quickly.

The spell broke, but she rested her forehead against his, as if she could ignore the consequences if she remained still in one place.

Then he said the words she dreaded hearing, his speech rough with desire, “I’m sorry, but I want you.”

Her eyes fluttered open, finding that he was already studying the details of her face. “Kakashi…I still love him.”

“I know.”

“But I can’t deny that I want you too.”

“I saw this coming and I did nothing to stop it.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“You’re right—it’s because of that dress.”

She smiled through the tears. He drew back like he was moving underwater. He was less than a step away, but there might as well have been an ocean between them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! The response has been so heartening. Also, just as a reminder that I take prompts over on tumblr so feel free to send any!
> 
> Please note, only registered users can now comment on my works now. Sorry about the inconvenience but if AO3 is not going to do anything about shitty anons, then I might as well. It's not hard to log in or make a new account so I think the burden will be minimal on my readers. Thank you again for the continued support!


	8. Chapter 8

What did most people do after sharing a kiss they should not have?

The answer was probably not walk home together, but she didn’t have the heart to tell him to go. Even through the turmoil she felt inside, she wanted him near.

There was a waxing moon that evening. The night sky was clear, studded with stars free to shine without a wisp of a cloud to be seen. When they reached her place, he didn’t ask to come inside and she didn’t invite him in. They stood frozen in front of the gate, the house behind them empty and dark.

“I’m not expecting anything,” he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead then taking a long step backwards. “We can even forget all this happened, if that’s what you want.”

“No. I can’t forget this.” She gripped the top of the gate, leaving the imprint of her hands on the metal.

He looked down. “Does this mean we can’t talk anymore?”

“That’s not what I meant.” She took a shuddering breath as she entered her front yard, tearing her gaze away from him at last. “Good night.”

“Sweet dreams,” he said.

#

_Her reflection blinked at her in the mirror, the toothbrush stilling in her hand. She sighed and finished brushing her teeth. She stuck the toothbrush in the holder right next to its companion. Her hair was damp from a recent shower. A fluffy towel was wrapped around her body. She stared down, wiggling her painted green toes in the fibers of the rug._

_When she stepped out of the bathroom, the other Kakashi was there, reading a book in bed by the light of the lamp. He patted the spot next to him without looking up. For him, it was another ordinary evening. No boundaries were broken tonight. He knew exactly where he belonged and that was here._

_She dropped the towel, letting it crumple on the floor around her._

_That caught Kakashi’s interest. He put the book aside, his lips quirking. She cupped her breasts then ran her hands down the curving lines of her frame, watching his eyes darken and listening to his breathing grow more shallow. It didn’t matter that she didn’t have a speck of makeup on, or that her hair was a mess. He wanted her._

_The mattress dipped under her weight as she climbed into the bed. His hands went to rest on her hips when she straddled him._

_They held each others gazes while she combed her fingers through his hair. He asked, “I thought you wanted to get some sleep?”_

_“I changed my mind.”_

_“That’s fine by me.”_

_He leaned forward, capturing her breast in his mouth, his teeth lightly grazing her nipple. She gasped, spine arching, hips rocking. She tugged on his shirt, helping him out of it and admiring the sculpted torso revealed beneath her. Her hand slipped below the elastic of his boxers. He was half hard already. She stroked him as he busied himself with pressing open mouthed kisses on her throat, each one a promise to show up later, bright and red against her pale skin, the evidence of his enthusiastic worship._

_“Hold on,” he murmured, somehow manuevering his underwear off with her still on top of him. He dragged her back down by her hips, pressing their intimate parts together. She hissed at the brush of her clit on his cock.Heat, rich with an ache to be connected, simmered in her abdomen._

_“I need to be inside you,” he said, his voice husky. He understood too well what she felt. She didn’t want foreplay—she was already dripping wet for him._

_She glanced down, taking his erection and guiding it into her entrance, watching carefully as she sank down onto the full length of his rigid member. He fell back against the pillow with a groan, his blunt fingers digging into her thighs. The knot at his throat bobbed._

_She lifted herself, never taking her eyes off of him. He regarded her through heavily lids, his chest rising and falling rapidly. How far could she push him? She used her inner muscles to squeeze him tight and at the same time slammed down. The total release of air from his lungs from that one movement brought a smirk to her face._

_“Fuck,” he rasped._

_She kept a leisurely rhythm so that she could relish his advancing desperation._

_“Do you want me to move faster?” she asked, running her fingertips on his abs. The muscles twitched under her touch._

_“No, I’m good.” He grinned, but the clench of his jaw and neck belied his eagerness._

_“So I can slow down?”_

_His brow creased. “Sakura, I am obviously lying to look cool. I might actually die from the strain. Please take pity on me.”_

_Smiling gently, she cradled his cheek in her palm and he turned his head to kiss the inside of her wrist. He sucked on the pulse point, his tongue scorching her nerve endings. She wanted to know more of what his mouth could do. Anticipation sizzling, she rode him with more urgency, her entire focus narrowing on the pleasure of their joining. His fingers laced with hers, the strength behind his grip almost painful._

_He rubbed his thumb from his other hand over her clit with the perfect amount of pressure he would only know to use from extensive experience. Moans—mindless, needy, and gutteral—flew past her lips. He encouraged her, articulating such filth from his beautiful mouth that Sakura felt they were surely destined for a special hell._

_She was almost there. Her teeth bit into her lower lip. At her peak, Sakura silently admitted that she wanted the real Kakashi like this tonight. She wanted to watch her Kakashi lose all control as he ejaculated inside her, shooting hot and sticky, filling her until it dripped down the insides of her thighs._

_But this was only a dream. A meaningless dream._

_That is what she told herself when_ **_this_ ** _Kakashi hovered over her shortly after, asking if she was ready for an encore. In answer, she hooked her legs around him and urged him to hurry. She touched her clit as she watched his cock plunge deep into her, filling her to her limit._

_She came again and again—sighing his name, screaming his name, sobbing his name._

_#_

“Sakura.” A hand gently shook her shoulder.

She blinked in the darkness, jarred by the sudden change between dream and reality. Her instincts kicked in and she grabbed the kunai on the nightstand.

“It’s me,” Sasuke said, pressing a kiss onto her cheek.

“You scared me…” she breathed, wrapping her arms around his neck. She held him tight, the guilty pleasure of the dream still fresh in her mind and made sharper by his sudden return. This was her punishment for her betrayal.

“You’re getting rusty.” He stroked her hair.

She drew a breath to fortify herself, pulling away. “You’re back sooner than I expected.”

There was a smile in his voice. An edge of triumph. “I’ve completed my work.”

“Then you’re home for good?”

He hesitated. “Come downstairs.”

She followed him into the hallway and down the stairs, irritated by how cryptic he was being. “What’s going on?”

She froze at the threshold of the living room, her ears picking up the sound of a man’s labored breathing. She fell into a defensive stance, her eyes darting to Sasuke, wondering if she’d just fallen for the oldest trick in the ninja book. But it was really Sasuke. She felt his chakra signature which she’d known for so much of her life.

“Relax.” He raised his hand in a gesture of peace, in case she decided to attack. He walked over to the sofa and indicated she should too. “Keep the light off.”

On her sofa, which she’d picked out when they first moved into the house, the sofa where Kakashi had once spent the night, was Uchiha Itachi, someone generally thought to be dead by the public, herself included.

She clapped a hand over her mouth. She couldn’t decide if this was another dream too. “How is he alive?”

“It’s complicated.”

She sat down on the armchair and listened to him explain, laying out what he’d been working on for the past few years. With the rinnengan, he could pass into alternate dimensions. There were worlds overlapping theirs, similar, but not quite the same. In nearly every reality, Itachi had died except for one. It took Sasuke a lot of time to find it because of the immense amounts of chakra it took to pass through to a different universe. He also explained that time moved differently when he left this reality, sometimes moving faster, sometimes slower. He had to come back regularly to make sure that years had not gone by in his absence.

“Sasuke, there must be consequences to bringing him here.” She stared at the sleeping man.

“He was about to die anyway. No one would miss him—Sakura he is my brother who gave up everything for me. If I could just save even _one_ version of him—“ he broke off, burying his face in his hands.

“So this is what you’ve been doing. Without telling me, your _wife_ , leaving your family alone for _years_ , and leaving your home and village behind.” Her voice was hollow.

“It was something that I had to do.” He came over to her and kneeled at her feet, taking her hand. “I need your help.”

She felt detached from her own body, looking down on him as if he were a stranger to her. He kissed her knuckles and pressed his forehead against her hand.

“Please,” he said, exhaling.

This was the man she married, who she promised herself to for better or worse. He knew there could be consequences to all of them and he had done it anyway. Because Itachi was more precious to him than anything on this earth—on any earth that existed or could exist. Her heart clenched, but she heard herself whisper, “What do we need to do?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smiles widely at you. WERE YOU EXPECTING THAT


	9. Chapter 9

A select few had to be told in the end. Most of all, they needed Naruto’s support. The next morning, they asked him to come to their home because of an urgent matter.

The Nanadaime frowned as he gazed upon Itachi, who inclined his head in polite greeting. They were in the spare room and although there was a bed, much of the floor space was occupied by boxes of things that Sakura had put there over the years because they did not need or use them often.

Uzumaki Naruto had grown much since his days of vandalizing the Hokage Monument. He had experienced the deaths of his friends, comrades, and his beloved mentor. He had helped to rebuild his village that had once shunned him for a condition he had no control over. Still, he turned to his best friend and rival and demanded, “Sasuke, seriously, what the actual fuck?”

“Are you going to help us or not? He needs medical treatment, which Sakura has agreed to administer. She can diagnose him and find out what his illness is.”

Sakura stared down at her hands.

Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose. “Have we not messed with the bonds of reality enough yet?”

“Tests needs to be run. His eyes—well he’s practically blind, just like our Itachi was and there’s no helping that,” Sasuke continued, ignoring Naruto’s mutterings.

“Like I said though, even if I could diagnose his illness, there still may be no cure.” Sakura smoothed down the front of her skirt.

“Tell me about your reality,” Naruto said, addressing Itachi.

“Sasuke told me that here, my counterpart eliminated my entire clan. That was not the case for me although it was contemplated at one point. They lived, but my version of Sasuke died before he turned 20.” Itachi coughed into a handkerchief. “There was no coup, as the village leaders feared there would be. The Yondaime lived to be an old man. His son never became the kyuubi vessel.” At this Naruto’s blue eyes widened. “You…” Itachi turned to Sakura. “You are not my brother’s wife in my world.”

Sakura frowned. If that Sasuke died young, that much would be obvious. Why mention that at all?

“If your clan is alive in your reality, why would you leave it? You’re leaving behind everything you know,” she said.

“Simply because they are alive does not mean it is perfect in my world either. I was still a double agent and to this day am considered a criminal by the official record of my village. My brother died believing I was a traitor.” Itachi folded his hands together. “When your Sasuke told me who he was, what his journey thus far had been, I could not let him go back alone. I only wish to remain with my brother in peace.”

“Itachi, I’m sure that any version of you is still a formidable shinobi. You must understand why I’m wary of this whole situation. Just letting a formerly dead man, a dangerous one at that, loose onto the world…” Naruto crossed his arms, letting his chin drop. “This isn’t good timing either. There’s a new group like the Akatsuki running around. They call themselves the Kurouhi and the Council has been riding my ass about them. I doubt they’ll be happy if I tell them another Itachi has popped up.”

“After his treatment, we intend to leave. We will bother no one,” Sasuke said.

At this, Sakura looked up sharply. She stood. “May I see you for a minute?”

They went down to the kitchen. Sasuke followed her in, frowning. “What’s the matter?”

“After his treatment, we intend to leave?” she quoted him, incredulous. “Who is ‘we’?”

He sat on the edge of the counter, his expression not changing nor did he seem to understand her meaning behind this confrontation. “All of us. Our family. You, me, Sarada, and Itachi.”

“You decided this without even discussing it with me.”

“We can’t stay in the village. It’s impossible.”

“No. _He_ can’t stay in this village and you won’t let him go alone.” She closed her eyes.

Sasuke crossed the gap to her. “I thought you understood.”

“I do. I understand why you had to do this. I understand the insanity of your life that has driven you thus far.”

His hair shifted with the movement of his head, revealing the rinnegan, which he covered again. “You’re my wife. Of course you must come with me.”

“Konoha is my home.”

“You’ve traveled with me before.” He reached out to her, brushing back her hair.

“That was different.” She pulled away. “That was before Sarada was born—before I—we really started rebuilding our lives. She’s already getting recommendations to be promoted as a jonin, did you even know that? She loves this village as much as I do.”

His hands tightened into fists as he quietly responded, “This village is not perfect.”

“Neither am I. Neither are you, for that matter.”

“Is that what this is about? My flaws?”

“No, Sasuke—this isn’t me trying to attack you.”

Anger flashed in his eyes. “Enough. We’ll talk about this later.”

Sakura’s mouth opened to argue some more, then shut. She went to the front door rather than back upstairs. She felt his gaze on her as she walked away, but did not look back.

#

Sakura rested her hands on her knees, bent over, breathing hard. Sweat soaked through the cloth on her back. She screamed and punched the ground, fissures unfolding in the earth and racing away from her. Kakashi stood on the edge of the training grounds a fairly safe distance away.

He should not have enjoyed watching her destroy everything around her as much as he did.

Her pink hair flew about her from the force created by her punches. The intense green of her eyes sparked and snapped as she turned to her next target. The grace with which her body moved, leaping into the air, then returning to the ground with all of that deadly power—it was like watching fireworks.

“Woke up on the wrong side of the bed?” he called out, cupping his hands around his mouth so that his voice carried.

She straightened, glaring at him for interrupting her. Indeed, he was even a little sorry for that because she came to a stop. She put together the hand seals then clapped down on the dirt before her, her chakra injecting and forcing a wall to rise between them. He hopped to the highest point easily, crouching with his long legs bent.

“Not a good time,” she said, turning away.

“Need a sparring partner?”

“No.”

“What’s bothering you?” He laid down on his stomach, chin resting on his hands. He tilted his head in thought.

“Butt out.” She grit her teeth.

He crinkled his eyes in a smile. “No.”

“This,” she said, walking up to the wall, a green glow forming around her fist, “is none of your _business_!” She emphasized the last word with a devastating blow. The wall came tumbling.

He landed neatly next to her, hands in his pockets. “Yes, I know that.”

“Last night was a mistake. End of story.”

“A mistake it may have been, but it’s not the end of the story.”

“My husband is home. What in the world do you think you’re doing?”

“Whether your husband is here or a thousand kilometers away, doesn’t matter to me at this point.” He opened up his arms, inviting her to attack him. “The kiss still happened, sweetheart.”

“Shut up.” She rushed at him, ready to punt him into next week.

Ah. He tried not to gloat. Now they were getting somewhere. Some people may have accused him for being a glutton for punishment for goading her like this—they would be right. He blocked the kicked then jumped back when her fist came in for an uppercut that would have broken his jaw. “I didn’t think the kiss was that bad.” He rubbed his chin.

“Stop mentioning it. It’s never happening again,” she declared, swiping at him, barely missing his nose by a hair.

“Understandable, but disappointing.” He sighed.

After he continued to dodge her attacks without raising a single finger against her, she snarled, “Fight back!”

“As you wish.”

There was an unspoken agreement between them to use exclusively taijutsu. Fists and feet only. Kakashi soon realized that getting into this fight was a mistake, because all he wanted to do every time she came in to rearrange his face was to drag her in for another kiss.

“So,” he paused to duck a roundhouse from her, “did you tell Sasuke?”

Her cheeks flushed. “I haven’t.”

“You want me to tell him for you?”

“Don’t you dare.”

“Hmm, what do you think he would say?”

“You ass.” She finally landed a blow to his stomach, throwing him back. “You know it would ruin everything.”

He doubled over, wincing. “Right. Because lying to your husband is such a great thing for your marriage.”

“You would know all about lying, wouldn’t you?” She put her hands on her hips. “Every word out of your mouth is a lie.”

“I don’t lie about the important things.” He narrowed his eyes.

“At that point, how could anyone tell?” She shook her head.

“All right. Until we leave here, I’ll only say the truth and nothing but the truth. Got any questions for me?” He walked towards her, pulling down his mask.

She took an involuntary step backwards in surprise, but she held her ground. “What is your game?”

“I don’t have a game, Sakura.” He exhaled. “None of this is a game to me.”

She pursed her lips, glaring at him in suspicion. “How did you get your sharingan then?”

“My best friend was an Uchiha. In his dying breath, or what I thought was his dying breath, he asked our teammate to transplant his eye into my head so that we could survive an oncoming attack,” he said plainly.

There was a slight jump in her shoulders, as if she wasn’t expecting that. He didn’t blame her—who could have such a crazy story on the tip of his tongue? She stared at her feet then back up to him.“Why were you always late when we were on Team Seven?”

“That was around the time I was visiting the cenotaph multiple times a day. Sometimes I lost track of the hour.”

She bit her lower lip. She changed the subject. “I think I got you really good in the stomach. Let me take a look.”

He rolled up his shirt, revealing an angry red blotch over his torso that would later turn into a colorful bruise. He was also sure he heard the distinct crack of a few ribs when she’d punched him. The expansion of his lungs when he breathed really fucking hurt.

“I’m sorry.” Her expression fell when she saw the damage. She put her hand over it.

He drew back, pulling the cloth over it again. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll go to the hospital.”

“I can heal you right now.”

The pulse beneath his jaw surged. This was a bad idea. It wasn’t like before, where she’d been his medic in the line of duty. Now they were two individuals unable to stay away from the other. When he showed her the injury again, he did it with the distinct awareness that they were at a crossroads of sorts. No longer simply friends. Not quite lovers. Perhaps neither, in the future.

The muscles over his stomach tensed and she admonished him, “You’re making it difficult for my chakra. Relax.”

It was the longest three minutes of his life.

“Thanks,” he said, when she was done.

She closed her hand and opened it again. “I will tell Sasuke about the kiss eventually.”

“All right.”

“I hope he understands that it didn’t mean anything.”

He arched a brow. “That’s not true.”

“A kiss doesn’t have to mean anything. You and I have both gone on missions requiring us to seduce a stranger.”

“This is different. We’re not strangers.”

“It can’t mean anything.” She exhaled, the spark of anger returning to her eyes.

“But it did.” There was so much about what he was doing that he knew was wrong and what he was risking.

“It didn’t.”

“I’m the one who promised to tell the truth and I’m saying that it _did_.”

“Stop being difficult.”

“Stop lying.”

She took hold of his collar, pulling him down so that his face was level with hers. “I’ll prove it meant nothing.”

Their second kiss began with the mechanical press of their lips. She gave him nothing, as unyielding as a statue carved from marble. She kept it short, breaking away, locking eyes with him before trying to turn from him.

No, he wasn’t going to let her have her way. Not for this.

He drew her by her hips towards himself and pressed their bodies together, taking advantage of the slight part of her lips, his tongue finding hers. If this was going to be the last one, he would make it memorable. He tried to pour everything he couldn’t say, either because he was too stunted emotionally or because he felt that it was too much, too intense to speak out loud. True, he wanted her physically, but his very soul called out to her as its mate.

He’d been lying last night when he said they could just forget about what had happened. If it had ended that moment, he would have let her go, but he would have died a slow death.

For so much of his life, he lived alone. He became so accustomed to the misery that he learned to live with it as a constant companion. He did it for long enough that it eventually became his norm.

When she made him realize what life could be like, going back to how it had been before was a thousand times worse than if he had not known. Because now he didn’t want to accept it anymore. The cracks in his already fractured heart multiplied at the thought of an existence without her.

His experiences had not left him whole, but he was still standing on his own two feet. Every time he broke, he’d put himself back together, but she had the power do both at the same time.

It scared him shitless that he was ready to let her do that to him for every second of his days for as long as he lived.

He pressed more kisses down her jaw to her throat and felt her clutch his shirt tighter. The shiver that ran through her body made him hungrier for more reactions he could entice from her. He wanted her writhing under him, moaning his name as he lost his mind inside of her.

The image of her after the kiss ended seared itself into his brain. In daylight, he saw in perfect detail the flush flowering from the center of her chest, the stain of color on her swollen lips, and the glaze of lust in her eyes. She glared at him, panting as she ran a hand through her hair. He wasn’t sure if she was going to slap him or throw him on the ground and have her way with him. The deviant within him wanted both.

“Fuck you, Kakashi.” With that, she disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting off the week right with some kakasakuuuu. Lol I almost forgot this was the chapter where Kakashi was an ass on purpose. Please forgive him.


	10. Chapter 10

Sakura marched into her house, went straight up the stairs, and into her bedroom, locking the door behind her. She shoved her shorts and panties down around her ankles, sinking down on the floor next to her bed and dipped two fingers into herself, letting out a sound of frustration.

Damn him.

 _Damn_ him.

Even though she knew how to please herself, she remained unsatisfied after she orgasmed. It wasn’t enough. She wanted to come feeling connected to him, not just physically, but emotionally as theyhad been during that brutally hot kiss. His tongue was alarmingly talented. It reminded her too much of the dream where she’d broken every rule she’d set for herself. Before that dream, she’d been able to keep her libido fairly under control, but now the seal was ruptured and there was no putting it back together. She would have ripped his clothes off if they weren’t in public at the time. She chewed the nail on her thumb ragged.

She contemplated chaining herself to the table with chakra proof handcuffs because part of her was afraid that if she left this room, in her state she would seek him out. It had taken every ounce of anger she could muster against him to leave him there.

Her hand wandered below again, her breathing growing more shallow as she remembered the press of his erection through his pants. She would need fresh panties after this because the ones she had been wearing were soaked through during that encounter.

“What are you doing?” Sasuke said, coming through the door he’d just picked the lock on. His gaze darkened as he took in the sight of her, the lower half of her body fully exposed. “If you were in the mood, you should have just told me.”

She refrained from pointing out that the door had been locked for a reason, but that would have led to questions she didn’t feel like answering. She was mad at him too, but he was her husband—the man she should have been thinking about as she masturbated. She stood up, taking off all of her clothes. He did the same.

Sasuke was enthusiastic as he made love to her, as he always was after his extended time away. She knew he was faithful to her even as he traveled from place to place. She was almost arrogantly certain of this. He may have caused her heartache, but he never, ever strayed.

No, she was the one who headed that department.

He murmured something she didn’t quite catch when he entered her. The hair covering the rinnegan fell away as he moved over her. She studied it before he closed his eyes in pleasure. She did the same, but opened them again when she found herself thinking about the kiss with Kakashi again. She turned her head to the side, feeling Sasuke thrust into her and wondering if this was a mistake too. If she should have told him about Kakashi, the other man plaguing her thoughts, before opening her legs.

She didn’t deny that sex with Sasuke felt good.

She just hated herself for wishing it was Kakashi instead.

#

Kakashi laid collapsed in the dirt on the outskirts of the village, having run forty-six laps around it in an effort to excise some unused energy.

Genma’s head popped up in his range of sight. “What are you doing, man?”

“Working out.”

“More like killing yourself. Here.” Genma balanced a water bottle on Kakashi’s forehead.

Kakashi sat up, gratefully downing the water. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Just so you know,” Genma continued, sitting crosslegged next to his friend, “There are a lot of rumors going around. About you and a certain cherry blossom.”

“Ah.”

“Once Sasuke gets wind of it, you can bet he’ll be knocking on your door. I thought I’d give you a fair warning.”

Kakashi nodded, gulping down the rest of the water and crushing the plastic bottle with one hand.

“Seriously, Kakashi? It’s not like you. It’s like _me_ ,” Genma said.

“It doesn’t matter anyway. I messed up royally. She’s never going to look at me again.”

“Ugh, you make it sound like you have actual feelings for her despite knowing she has a husband.” Genma inhaled then let it out, shaking his head in pity. “I’m starting to think you’re some kind of sadist.”

“Maybe I am.”

“I’ve never seen you this messed up over a woman.”

“Is there a point to this?”

“Yea. Let’s go get wasted.”

“I hate you a little less now.”

#

Kakashi was good and drunk by the time Sasuke finally got to him.

“Evening,” Kakashi greeted, raising his half empty shot glass.

Sasuke inclined his head before sitting at the table with them. “Genma, could we have some privacy?”

“This is too dramatic for my blood,” Genma muttered, standing up and going over to the bar area.

“Have a drink.” Kakashi poured the shochu into an extra glass.

They didn’t talk, sipping their alcohol in silence. When they finished off the bottle, Kakashi signaled the server for another.

While they waited for that, Sasuke finally said, “What is going on between you and my wife?”

“What brought this on?” Kakashi slurred.

“The night I got back,” Sasuke paused, glaring at his reflection in his drink, “I heard her say your name in her sleep.”

Kakashi settled his head in on his forearms resting on the table. “A lot of people talk in their sleep. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“I didn’t think it was anything until I heard the rumors floating around.”

“I thought I taught you better than to believe gossip.” Kakashi clicked his tongue.

The glass shattered in Sasuke’s hand. “She said it like you were _fucking_ her.”

Kakashi’s expression didn’t change, didn’t give anything away. “And?”

“You prick, you know what I’m asking.”

“Hmm, no I don’t think I do.”

“Did you fuck my wife?” Sasuke growled, his fist crushing the glass into tinier pieces.

“I have not, nor have I ever, fucked Haruno Sakura.” Kakashi didn’t add, “As much as she’d enjoy that.”

“Uchiha,” Sasuke corrected.

“Hm.” Kakashi lifted a shoulder in a shrug. If she was still Haruno Sakura, his life would be so much simpler. Perhaps the slip of his tongue was because he wished it were true.

Sasuke’s palm bled, but he didn’t bother mopping it up, letting the red rivulets flow through the cracks between his fingers. “As a friend, I’m asking you to maintain your distance.”

“She’s an adult. You can’t dictate who she can or can’t see.”

“I know that.” Sasuke opened his hand, revealing the shards embedded into his skin. “I don’t control her decisions. But I can ask you to make the right one: leave her alone.”

Sakura and Sasuke were certainly a pair. Kakashi resisted the urge to roll his eyes. They refused to speak to each other about their issues, but they sure liked to come to him and make a big deal about it. “I never make promises I can’t keep.”

Sasuke’s sharingan flashed to life in its socket, furious and scarlet. That was fine with Kakashi. He was drunk and raring for a brawl and if he could smash his fist into the bastard standing between him and the woman of his depraved desires, then all the better. Which was why it was disappointing when the fight drained out of Sasuke only a moment later, leaving him slumped in his chair, his eye back to its normal dark color.

“Boo,” Kakashi mumbled.

Sasuke said something under his breath.

“What’s that?” Kakashi asked.

The second time Sasuke said it, it wasn’t much better.

“Did you say ‘You’re a wetter sand’?”

“You’re the better man,” Sasuke repeated, louder. “I get why she would choose you instead of me.”

“I’m flattered?”

“I haven’t done all I could for her these past years. She’s unhappy. But I’m so close to putting together everything—if she leaves now, what will have it all been for?”

Kakashi blinked slowly. Either he couldn’t handle his drink anymore, or Sasuke was making very little sense. “Sounds bad. I guess.”

“Let me show you. Follow me.”

“Uh, can you take the glass shards out of your hand first?” Kakashi pointed to the blood currently pooling on the surface of the table. He lifted the shochu bottle, saving it from sitting in Sasuke’s vital fluids. Since it was about three quarters empty, he upturned the bottle and finished it in one go.

With a makeshift bandage cobbled together out of bar napkins around Sasuke’s injury, they started making their way out. As Kakashi passed the bartender, he nodded to Genma sitting in a darkened corner with a ridiculously beautiful brunette. “The one with the scarf over his head over there will cover my tab.”

#

Kakashi stared at a dead man drinking green tea. “Sasuke, what the actual fuck?”

“People say that to you a lot, don’t they little brother?” Itachi commented.

Once they were inside the Uchiha residence, Sasuke felt safe enough to explain everything. Kakashi, who had his own share of crazy stories, reeled, and he had to sit down.

“If we can successfully cure my brother, then we are planning on leaving Konoha,” Sasuke said.

“Who is this ‘we’ you keep referring to?” Kakashi even went so far as to use air quotes. “I don’t know about Sarada, but do you honestly think Sakura will leave her home?”

“Her home is with me.”

Kakashi was suddenly very glad that Sakura was nowhere to be seen, because if she had been, he would have been a witness to a murder. He certainly had a few violent whimsies of his own. He stood up. “Okay then, Sasuke. Thank you for settling that between the two of us, you were always the infinitely more messed up one. Congratulations on that.”

“You’re not as funny as you think you are.” Sasuke scowled. “But do you understand now? I sacrificed everything to bring Itachi back.”

“That was your choice, I believe.”

“I get it. Both you and Sakura are making it very clear to me that you think I fucked up. But what’s done is done and I’m trying to fix things now.”

Kakashi hummed. “Some things are too broken to be fixed.”

“Not this.”

Kakashi didn’t say anything, touching two fingers to his brow in a salute. He walked out of the guest room and down to the lower level of the house. He cast one look at the living room, still a mess, but filled with signs of Sakura’s presence. The stockings she’d stuffed between the couch cushions and had forgotten about that were now poking out. The books she’d been reading left open or turned over to keep the page marked. The stupid amount of colorful cushions she’d collected.

As he touched the door knob, he sensed her energy signature just beyond the bounds of the house. Briefly, he debated resorting to a jutsu to get out of there like a coward. He knew that she’d already sensed him too, and that was why she’d frozen on her own front steps.

He sighed, opening the door and revealing her. “Sasuke had something to show me,” he explained.

She lifted her face. Her anger from earlier had vanished and there were tired dark circles beneath her eyes, leaving her skin even paler by comparison in the blue moonlight. She understood by his vague reference that now he knew about Itachi too. It made him wonder if that was the real reason why she’d been tearing up the training grounds when he found her that morning. She seemed so lost now—it made him want to curl up with her until they fell asleep together for years.

“Will you go with him once it’s finished?” he asked. Of all the questions he had tonight, this one had become the most pressing. Forget her rejecting him. If she left Konoha entirely, what the hell was he supposed to do?

“It’s what he wants.”

“But is it what you want?”

“I just came back from work. I need to get to bed,” she said, trying to move past him.

He closed the door behind himself, stopping her from getting back in and flipping their positions. He caged her with his body, one hand planted next to both sides of her head. He lowered his voice.“Tell me what you want.” 

“You’re drunk again.” She wrinkled her nose.

“Hm, I know. If you’re worried about me, you should drink with me next time.” He frowned, trying to remember what he had been trying to ask. “Right. Sakura—what do you want?”

“I want…” She closed her eyes, letting her head fall back against the door. “I want more time. More time to figure myself out. More time to figure you out. Everything is happening at once and I can’t stop it.”

He traced the curve of her cheekbone. He wasn’t going to kiss her, as appealing as that idea was to him. However, after a day of punishing himself for his stupid mistakes, he was surprised to find how quickly his affection for her displaced his own self-loathing and left no room for anything else. “You’ll get through this.”

The door suddenly opened and Sakura stumbled backwards into the darkness. Sasuke was there, glaring at Kakashi. “Good night, Rokudaime.”

Kakashi stood there, meeting Sasuke’s gaze in challenge. He tilted his head, his eyes narrowing in a dangerous smile. “Good night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
> 
> cough


	11. Chapter 11

Itachi’s tests came back and combined with Sakura's observations of his symptoms, she hypothesized he was suffering from microscopic polyangiitis. It was a dangerous autoimmune disorder when left alone, but treatable.

“I imagine that the Akatsuki have a few doctors on staff who could have caught this earlier on. Your immune system has been eating away at your body. Even if the illness is put into remission, it’s done a lot of damage already. Because of that, your lifespan is significantly shortened,” she said as she fluffed Itachi’s pillows.

“I purposely did not seek treatment and only used what could keep me alive for as long as I needed to,” Itachi said. His elegant hair, prettier than her own, she admitted, was gathered into a low ponytail to the side.

Both Sasuke and Itachi resembled their late mother. She had seen one of the last remaining photographs of her and the matriarch had been a beautiful woman with a quiet grace. A kind, perfect mother captured forever in memory.

His smile was tinged with sadness. “I had no expectation of surviving to an old age.”

She didn’t know what to say to that. The more time she spent with Itachi, the more glimpses she got of the tragedy that was his life.

Her hours at the hospital had been reduced so that she could focus her attention on Sasuke’s secret project. Most of the time, she was in the house, monitoring Itachi’s condition. She put him on a course of steroids, which he would be on for almost half a year. As she cut fruit while sitting by the bed, she wondered to herself how she would explain this unexplained long term guest to Sarada who also happened to be her alternate universe uncle.

If anything, she was annoyed that Sasuke would probably leave her to untangle this mess for their daughter.

“I am grateful to you for agreeing to help,” Itachi said, interrupting her thoughts.

Sakura searched her own memories of what this world’s Itachi had been like. During the encounter with him when she and her team had been on their way to find Gaara, he only seemed to be a cold, calculating villain exactly like the others in the Akatsuki. Sasuke had told her that Itachi had hidden his true personality in order to live as a double agent. Most likely, this Itachi had done the same for a very long time.

When she was younger, she had mistaken Itachi for Sasuke. The family resemblance was still strong, even across realities. But Itachi had an inner calm that reminded her of the serenity of undisturbed pools of deep water. On the surface, Sasuke seemed to be the same, but she knew he was like a hot spring with a geyser sleeping below. He had learned to control it, but it would remain a part of who he was for the rest of his life.

Itachi seemed content, despite being confined to this room, spending his time by listening to her read aloud and dozing off. He didn’t seem at all like the infamous traitor that the history books continued to paint him to be. With Sarada out of the house until the following week, Sakura found herself slipping and mothering a man who had been assigned to ANBU while she was still learning her characters.

“Tell me more about where you came from. It’s fascinating,” Sakura said.

“Yes, I understand that. Sometimes, I begin to forget this isn’t my world and then you will mention something like—what was it…that we have friendly relations with Sand and that our citizens visit that village freely. It confuses me before I remember that the current Hokage is fast friends with the Kazekage. Bizarre.”

“I suppose without Naruto being who he is, that wouldn’t have been possible.”

“Yes. The Nanadaime in my world is not the Hokage he is here.”

“What about me? When we first met, you mentioned I wasn’t Sasuke’s wife—am I married to somebody else?” Sakura placed the long apple peel carved in one piece onto the tray to take to the trash later.

Itachi’s response was delayed, as if he debated with himself whether to answer. “Knowing about the choices your other self made is not always wise.”

“You can tell me. I’m not going to suddenly change my mind just because I’m married to Kiba or something.”

“I…don’t know who that is, however, if you insist. Your other self married Hatake Kakashi.”

Sakura stopped moving. Cautiously, she ventured, “…Did I have a child?”

“One, according to the tabs the Akatsuki kept on you and him. A daughter newly born.”

Sakura finished slicing up the apple for him, leaving the plate on the night stand and excusing herself. She picked up the tray and went to her kitchen where she slid the peelings and cored apple pieces into the bin. She blinked.

There was a part of her that knew the dreams had been real. She simply chose to refuse to acknowledge the possibility because of the sheer insanity of it all. But if the rinnengan could open portals to other universes…Her dreams could have been connected to the world that Itachi had come from. Which meant _everything_ she had done had been with a real, albeit alternate, Kakashi.

She crouched down, hiding her face in her hands. The sickeningly sweet smell of apples lingered on her fingers.

So she was an honest to goodness cheater. Wait, if she was married to Kakashi in the other reality, then was that even cheating? Her head hurt just thinking about it.

Panic coiled around her rib cage and squeezed. Perhaps before she could have told Sasuke about the kiss—the kisses, plural—but this? What the hell was she supposed to say? What would he say?

What would Kakashi say?

#

There was no response at Gai’s door at Kakashi’s knock. They were supposed to have a chat and maybe grab a meal together. He tried the knob and found it unlocked. “You home?”

“Kakashi?” came Gai’s voice from down the hall.

He followed it and found his friend caught underneath a bookshelf. He rushed to lift it off, standing it upright again. “Are you hurt?”

“I am fine.” Gai waved off Kakashi’s concern as he pulled himself back into his wheelchair that had been sitting a short distance away. “I was able to catch it before it landed. Some of the books knicked me, but that is the worst of it.”

Before his injury, Gai could have done more than simply stopping the shelf from crushing him. However now, many of his chakra pathways were disconnected, making it difficult for him to perform even the simplest of energy manipulations.

“You need some kind of service animal.” Kakashi started picking up the falled books. “You could borrow one of my ninken while I trained a summon for you.”

“There is no need for that. I am doing fine on my own.”

“What would you have done if I hadn’t come along?”

“My legs may be useless, but my arms are still brimming with vitality.” Gai flexed his biceps.

“That’s not the point.”

Gai wheeled out of the room without answering and changing the subject. “Have you eaten? There is a new food stand that opened up nearby that I would like to try.”

Kakashi sighed and followed his friend outside.

As they headed down the street, Gai said, “I meant to talk to you about what happened at the bar. Are you all right?”

“Uh…which time?”

“When you pursued Sakura in front of everyone.” Gai frowned. “Was there another incident?”

“I wouldn’t call it an ‘incident.’”

Gai, perfectly accustomed to Kakashi’s provisos and qualifications, continued without missing a beat, “She was the one you were speaking of, wasn’t she?”

“…Yes.”

“She is a beautiful, strong woman. She could make you very happy.”

“Yep. Too bad she’s married, right?”

“Are you giving up on her then? That is too bad.”

Kakashi stumbled. “What about all of that crap about marriage being a sacred oath or whatever?”

“I saw the way you looked at her. You are in love, my friend. Marriage may be sacred, but love—ah love! There is no force stronger. Who am I to judge you?”

Kakashi stopped in his tracks, but Gai kept moving ahead. He caught up again. “Thank you.”

It didn’t make it right, but somehow, gaining the acceptance of one of his oldest friends meant something to him. Kakashi fully acknowledged that his own moral compass may have been more skewed than others, which was why he at times relied on his friends to set him straight.

As Kakashi sat at the bar of the oden stand, he asked, “So what’s my face like when I look at her?”

Gai’s laughter boomed and he clapped a hand on Kakashi’s back. “Like a man watching the dawn for the very first time.”

“I want you to punch me in the nose if that ever happens again.”

#

Sakura was eating in the cafeteria when Ino came up to her, sliding a box of pastries from the bakery they both worshiped onto the table.

“What’s this for?” Sakura asked. “Are you dying?”

“I’m apol—hurk—hold on. Apolo—bleeeeeeh.” Ino’s face went green. “Apologizing! I’m doing that.”

“Oh. For what?”

“You know…I kind of outed you and Kakashi in front of everybody.”

Sakura let out a sigh. “Yea, you kind of did. But it’s okay.”

Ino stared at her in horror. “Are _you_ dying?”

“It might not matter anymore.” Sakura could be leaving Konoha in the near future. What did it matter what this village thought of her if she wasn’t there to live in it? Her chest felt tight at the thought.

“You all right?”

“Not really…” Sakura put the bland piece of chicken from her salad into her mouth and chewed it. She noticed a healed cut on the inside of Ino’s arm. “What’s that?”

“Fresh birthcontrol. I figured, might as well since I was here. Hurt like a mother when they put it in.”

“I need to get that put in again, but I keep forgetting.”

“Watch out, Forehead. Next thing you know—your eggo is preggo.” Ino laughed, patting her flat stomach.

Sakura knew she should be more vigilant, but she really didn’t have a need for it if her husband wasn’t around and for the past few years his presence had been fairly scarce. It wasn’t like…there was some other man.

Ino mentioned, “I heard Sasuke flipped out at a bar last night at Kakashi.”

“What?” He didn’t tell her that.

Ino opened the box of pastries and picked out one for herself before Sakura could get to them. “It wasn’t a fight, but Sasuke was apparently bleeding all over the place. I think he broke a glass or something.”

“He didn’t ask me to heal anything.” Sakura remembered that after he had interrupted her conversation with Kakashi, he went to Itachi’s room without another word. He hadn’t even come down for breakfast.

That clinched it. She thought he suspected something last night, but now she was sure that he knew. She’d sabotaged her own marriage. She’d ruined everything.

“I’m questioning pretty much everything I thought about you,” Ino said.

Sakura’s shoulders bunched together, completely expecting to hear that she was a terrible person.

Ino cackled. “Kakashi? Niiiiice.”

“Ugh, shut up.”

“I’m your friend. I’m only here to judge you for your terrible fashion choices.”

“Can’t you just tell me you think I’m awful like a decent person would?” Sakura pressed her forehead into the table.

“So awful.” Ino nodded, then gleefully asked, “Is he good in bed?”

“We haven’t gone that far.”

“Oh.” Ino pouted in disappointment.

“Should Sai be worried about you?” Sakura laughed.

“I’m happy with my marriage, thanks.”

“…You think I’m not?”

“Well…”

Sakura kept her head on the table, but turned it towards her friend. “Sasuke is home now. Things will get better.”

“Forehead, it’s your life. I want you to be happy.” Ino brushed the crumbs of flaky pastry off of her sizable chest. 

“People can’t be happy all the time.”

“That’s true, but at the very least they can be satisfied.”

Sakura’s first retort was to say that she was satisfied. It was what she’d been telling herself for so long that it came easily to her. She wanted so badly for her life to be as she’d imagined it at the start of her marriage—her family together, waking up and eating breakfast, going to festivals, shopping for groceries as they debated what to have for dinner. Tears blurred her vision. Was it too much to ask for? Part of her answered yes, that she didn’t deserve that kind of sweetness because she was not enough and would never be enough.

Ino rubbed Sakura’s back. “Whatever you decide, I’m here for you.”

“Thanks.”

This was unfair to Sasuke. She had to tell him everything. It was the bare minimum of what she owed him. She may have been frustrated with him lately, but she had yet to give him a real chance to make up for it.

Everything Sakura had in life—her skills, her knowledge, her position—it had been through a constant struggle against the expectations set upon her. She rose up through her efforts.

She could fix this. She just had to try harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to point out, I don't regret putting Itachi in anime mom hair. If anyone caught that.


	12. Chapter 12

Sasuke was silent, but his sharingan was whirling.

Sakura tucked her knees into her chest, hugging them while she was perched on her armchair. She whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“Why were you able to slip into that world?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’ll fucking kill him.”

“He didn’t have anything to do with it. It was only me.”

“But he did kiss you here—twice.” Sasuke stood up and started pacing like a tiger in his cage.

“Yes.” She sounded faint and faraway, even to her own ears.

Sasuke ripped a hand through his hair then demanded, his voice almost breaking, bleeding raw in his throat, “ _Why_?”

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, shrinking.

Sasuke came over to her, cradling her face so that she would look at him. “That’s not what I asked.”

“He made me happy.” Tears dripped down from her eyes.

“What you had with him was only physical. Sakura, we’ve been married for more than a decade.” He wrapped his arm around her in an embrace. A rare show of affection.

She buried her face in his shoulder. In the past, he’d teased her for being needy and would pretend to be distant to rile her up. She knew it had been his own way of showing his love, but she never quite understood it.

She murmured, somewhat muffled, “You were gone and Sarada was starting to leave the nest—and he was just there. He made me feel wanted.”

“Do you want another child? Is that what this is?”

“No.” She jerked back, but he still had a hold around her. “This isn’t about me wanting another kid. Are you listening to me?”

“I am listening to you.” He kissed her forehead.

“I wanted you by my side, but you weren’t there.” She closed her eyes. Her memories of Kakashi flooded her—warm and full of bright images. Most of it through her own eyes, some of it from the other world. She took all of them and put them in a locked chest in the corner of her mind, with the other memories too painful to dwell on. “It won’t happen again.”

“As long as you still want this, as long as you choose me, I can look past your misjudgment. We all make mistakes.” He brushed back her hair. “We don’t ever have to be apart after this.”

He was still willing to take her back. Relief sat in her stomach like an anchor. Finally, she said, “I want us all to be together.”

“Does this mean you’ve decided about leaving Konoha?”

“Yes.” She took a shuddering breath. “I’ll come with you, but only if you can convince Sarada as well.”

“All right.” He nuzzled her neck, nibbling her skin.

She gasped as a wave of heat threatened to drown her, but she clutched his shirt, softly asking, “Do you want to go to our room?”

“No.” He claimed her lips, his hand going to her pants and unzipping them.

“Your brother might walk in on us.”

“This is our house. I can make love to you anywhere in it.”

“Ah! Too rough,” she admonished when he pushed his fingers inside her.

“Sorry.” He withdrew his hand and freed his cock. She stroked it with a light touch until he closed his fingers around hers and he guided her.

She got to her feet, nudging him backwards onto the sofa then settling down between his legs once he was sitting. She closed her lips over the tip of his erection, teasing him with her tongue. He groaned, his hand tangling in her hair.

He was still angry. It simmered below the surface even though he wouldn’t say anything else about it. She didn’t blame him. Of course he would be hurt and feel betrayed. She wished she could heal it as she was able to do with every other type of wound.

She moved down the full length of his cock, taking him far back into her mouth and throat. His hand in her hair tightened almost painfully. All she heard was the sound of him panting as he stilled beneath her.

Sasuke’s refusal to be truthful with her about Itachi was still infuriating, but she could let it go. She had hurt him too.

Love was not a feeling, as she thought it was when she was young. It was difficult. It was heart wrenching.

It was a choice.

A choice to call him her own and stand by him.

He helped her up, urging her to get on her stomach over one end of the couch. He yanked down her pants and spread open her cunt, tracing the folds, murmuring how wet she was and how much he wanted her. He said something else too, but she couldn’t hear it perfectly. She trembled at the sudden contact of cool air over her sensitive parts.

She pressed her face into the couch, stifling her cry as he thrust into her without warning. He swept her hair to one side so that he could access her neck and bite down. She touched her clit while she focused on the feeling of him lodged deep inside her before he drew back and plunged in again.

His fingertips dug into the dip of her hip bone. There was a frenzied edge to his movements. She wanted to turn around to see his face, to see what his expression was like, but she was pinned beneath him.

She heard him, his voice harsh, right next to her ear, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she gasped as she felt the hot burn of his orgasm filling her.

He stayed inside her even after his cock softened, running his hand over her still clothed body. She caught her breath, staring at the floor below. Don’t compare them, she rebuked herself mentally. There would be no point.

She was choosing her husband.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a double update!! Be sure to check out both chapters!


	13. Chapter 13

Kakashi snatched two shuriken out of the air that had been aimed straight for his head. He twirled them. “Good morning, Sarada. Did you have a nice time on your mission?”

“Shut up, old man!” Sarada threw more of the pointed stars, but they thudded into the tree trunk that he had been leaning on only moments before.

“Old man?” He clicked his tongue. What happened to calling him by his official title? “Now, I know your mother didn’t raise you like that.”

“What—“ she kicked, “—do you know—“ she leaped, swinging her leg around at his head, “—about my mom!”

Did this family have something against him remaining unbruised? Kakashi sighed. He’d jumped back a short distance away from her. She hadn’t even landed one hit, which made sense, considering the gap between their skill levels. He may have been retired, but he could still fight a thirteen year old child.

That didn’t make him sound great, now that he thought about it.

Sarada glared daggers at him. She resembled Sasuke more than her mother, but when she was angry—that was when her Haruno genes shined through.

“Now, now. What is all this about?” Kakashi turned up his palms.

“The whole village is talking about you and my mom!”

“You’re a little late to the party, huh?”

“You stay away from her!”

“I don’t make promises I ca—whoops—“ the ground split beneath him as Sarada smashed her fist into the earth. Like mother, like daughter.

She looked down at him, who remained untouched and standing inside the crater she’d created. “You’re just a dirty, perverted old man.”

“Words hurt.” He hopped out of the hole on the side opposite to her.

“Dad is finally back and you’re going to ruin everything.” She curled her hands into fists at her side.

“Did you talk to your mom about this?”

“No!”

Again with the refusal to talk to the actual person she needed to talk to. These people.

Since Sarada seemed to need to let off some steam, he let her attack him. He re-read his Icha Icha in the meantime, paying more attention to the notes in the margins than the actual text.

She eventually tired herself out, stopping her assault and collapsing backwards on the ground.

“I thought you’d be happy that your dad is back,” Kakashi said, walking over to her.

“That part is okay.” She covered the top of her face with her forearm.

“I’m sorry I like your mom.”

“Can you stop?”

“I don’t think so.”

“I hate you.”

“Welcome to the club. The membership is wide and diverse.”

“How much do you know?” Sarada questioned, moving her arm and dropping it uselessly out to her side.

“Hm?”

“About our ‘special guest.’”

“Oh.” Kakashi rubbed his chin. “I know he’s a monster who hates steak. I mean, what kind of person is like that?”

“They told you he’s in our house,” she said flatly.

“More like showed me.”

“And they told you they want to leave Konoha eventually?”

So Sakura had finally made her decision.

He shut the book, replacing it back into his inner coat pocket that he had the tailor sew in especially for that purpose. “Do you want to go with them?”

Sarada sat up, crossing her legs. She grabbed a handful of the sandy dirt and let the grains fall in a stream. “Dunno.”

“You could see the world. It would be an exciting opportunity for you at such a young age.”

“That’s what missions are for,” she snapped. “You go to new places, fight some people, and then you come _home_.”

Good point. Now if only she could make her mother see that. He tried not to dwell on the fact that Sakura had been avoiding him for weeks. And it wasn’t like before, where he could approach her and she would at the very least acknowledge him. No. She was freezing him out entirely, pretending he wasn’t even there.

It was driving him up a wall.

He mussed up Sarada’s hair. “When you get older, you learn that home is where you make it.”

She looked down. “But I don’t want to leave. This is the only home I’ve ever known. My house is here. My friends are here. This village taught me everything.”

“You’ll have your parents.” And Itachi, he added silently.

Sarada picked up a stick and began drawing in the dirt. “I don’t think mom wants to go either, but she keeps doing this stupid ‘united front’ thing with my dad. If she would just admit it, then I don’t think we would have to leave. Dad would probably give in—if she stood her ground.” She scowled at him. “I know you like my mom. Why aren’t you doing anything about this?”

“So you want me datingyour mom now? What happened to me being a ‘dirty, perverted old man’?”

“You still are that. And no, don’t date my mom—gross.”

Kakashi chuckled. “Make up your mind.”

“It’s not that I want you dating my mom, okay! But you’re good at convincing her because she really respects your opinion. Dad respects you too. I think.”

“She’s not talking to me at the moment. Makes it kind of difficult to convince her of anything.”

“You ticked her off again, didn’t you?”

“Surprisingly, I don’t think I did anything this time. She’s been ignoring me.”

Sarada stood, dusting herself off. “Good. Stay away from her.”

He hummed in a noncommittal tone.

She then pointed at him. “But fix it if you can.”

What a strange child.

#

Sakura adjusted her sun hat. Fluffy clouds painted the sky, stark and clean against the blue of a summer’s day. She got down again, pulling out weeds and tossing them in a growing pile off to the side. While she had neglected her little patch of vegetables, the weeds seemed to have decided to take advantage and take root. There was no end in sight. Just hardy little shits, the lot of them.

At first, she thought she could save some for medicinal purposes or for teas, so she had sorted the different species into organized stacks. By the end of the hour, she had given up, deciding she had too much hubris, and started throwing them all together.

“When did you start gardening?” Sasuke came up next to her, sipping a glass of tomato juice.

“A month or two ago.” She wiped the sweat running down her forehead with her shoulder. She pointed to the skinny, sad plants to her right. “Those are tomatoes I planted for you.”

“Isn’t easier just to buy them?”

“That’s not really the point of gardening.”

“Hm. What are these?” He squatted down, picking up the leaves of a plant with deep purple veins.

“Eggplant.” Sakura turned away.

“What for? Nobody likes eggplant in our family.”

“Sarada and I learned a good way to prepare them.” From Kakashi. She scowled, yanking out a dandelion with more force than necessary.

“You should have staked the tomatoes.” Sasuke lifted the branches, growing fast and wild. “They’ll need the support once the fruit comes in.”

“I just didn’t have the time until now.”

“You shouldn’t start a garden if you can’t take care of it.”

“Okay, since when were you such a green thumb?” she asked.

He shrugged. “My mother had a garden. I helped her when I was young. I’m glad you started one too.”

She sat back on her heels, looking out on the little plot of dirt. “It’ll probably be ready around the time Itachi is finished with his treatment.”

“We can have a party with the harvest.”

She laughed, standing up as she took of her sun hat and going over to hug him. “You have never in your _life_ suggested we have a party at our house.”

“Well, it’ll be the last one.”

She froze.

Right.

Sasuke wrapped his arm around her waist. “In a few months we’ll have to put the house up for sale. Do you know any good property brokers?”

“I could ask Ino,” she said faintly, her gaze darting back to her home. “She knows everyone in the village.”

“All right.” He kissed the top of her hair. “I’ll leave it up to you.”

 

#

“What do you want?” Tsunade asked upon opening the door.

Sakura shifted uncomfortably, but put on a bright smile anyway. “I brought you cookies, a few bath products, candles—“

“Sake?” Tsunade ventured, peering into the basket hanging on Sakura’s arm.

“…And sake.”

“Come in.”

Tsunade’s home was a fairly small cottage in a quiet part of the village. There was only one level, but Sakura had never seen any of the two rooms that supposedly were built in. There were a few pictures of Nawaki and Dan scattered around, along with more memories of the old days when Tsunade had just started out as a kunoichi. It weirded Sakura out to see Orochimaru as a child, but it was fascinating in its own way. Once, she had asked her mentor why she kept photos of a man who became such a monster, and Tsunade responded, “Things aren’t always so black and white. We were part of a team—once upon a time.”

“All right,” Tsunade said, settling on her favorite armchair, uncorking the bottle of sake. “You never come visit me outside of work. What’s wrong?”

“I’m going to be leaving Konoha soon. I thought it’d be good to spend time with you before I went.”

Tsunade paused before she poured the alcohol into the lacquered saucers. “What.”

“Circumstances came up. Sasuke wants to leave for certain reasons and we’re going together as a family.”

“Sakura, let me tell you one thing: you are a Konoha girl, through and through. Just like me.”

“Shishou, you left the village for _years_.”

“And look at me now. I served as the damned Hokage and they carved my _face_ into the mountain.” Tsunade cackled, gesturing to her visage. She then jabbed a finger at her apprentice, squinting one eye. “They might ask you to do that too, if Naruto has to step down for whatever reason. If you run away now, I guarantee you someone like Boruto is going to track you down and give you some ‘life lesson’ and it’ll be embarrassing as hell to tell people the reason you came back was because a little brat young enough to be your son had to set you straight.”

Sakura flushed red. “I’m not running away.”

“Oh?”

“I’m not.”

Tsunade smiled as she handed Sakura the saucer of sake. She waited until Sakura began to drink before saying, “How is Kakashi these days?”

Sakura snorted sake up her nose. The burning. _The burning_. The inside of her nostrils was on fire.

“Ha!” Tsunade plucked out a few tissues from the box on the low table and tossed them over to Sakura. “Not running away, huh?”

Sakura glared. “What does he have to do with anything?”

“I’ve known Hatake for a long, long time. He’s not the type to chase stupid women out of bars.”

 _“_ People keep talking about that incident as if we took off all of our clothes in front of them,” Sakura muttered.

“For you and him—you might as well have. Kakashi doesn’t wear that mask because he’s so emotionally available and open with his feelings.”

“I am not having an affair with him.” He must hate her now, in any case. For the past few weeks, she had been unbelievably rude to the man who had once taught her and led her on her first team. Sometimes, she couldn’t believe that she was capable of such behavior.

She didn’t want to shut him out, but it was the only way. If she so much as smiled at him, he would worm his way back in with his _words_ and his terrible sense of humor and…and his MOLE.

“It’s not an affair, but it’s not _not_ an affair.” Tsunade swirled the sake in her saucer before downing it all. “You wouldn’t be frowning like that if it weren’t. You get a little cross-eyed when you’re really troubled.”

Sakura blinked. Cross-eyed?! She grabbed the bottle and poured herself a generous serving then drained it completely. She slammed the saucer on the table. “I don’t get cross-eyed!”

“You can ask anybody. You doooooo,” Tsunade gloated.

“Ugh, you’re horrible.”

“If you didn’t know that before, I don’t know who you were studying under because it wasn’t me.”

They argued loudly over the matter while drinking the rest of the bottle. Then, Tsunade brought out another bottle, claiming the sake had been brewed by an ancient master of the craft and that it was wasted on Sakura’s unsophisticated palette.

“You don’t even know how to drink properly,” Tsunade said.

“I know—I _know_ how to drink,” Sakura slurred.

Tsunade narrowed her eyes as she looked at Sakura across the top of the gleaming surface of her sake saucer. “Do you really think you could leave your home behind?”

Sakura swayed in place, staring down at her hands. “You can make your home anywhere.”

“You’ve already made it here.” Tsunade smirked. “Do you think you could leave Kakashi behind?”

“He doesn’t factor into this.”

“Yet every time I bring him up, you dodge the subject like you’re trying to protect a target on your back.” Tsunade laughed. “I think he factors plenty.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m leaving with my husband.” Sakura buried her face in her forearms, resting her head on the table.

“As someone who is nearer to her natural end than you, let me give you some advice: life is long. It’s tedious. You might spend years miserable before realizing you don’t have to live that way. You chose to live that way.” Tsunade leaned back. “There is no rule out there that says you have to stay on a certain path. Go make your own or find another.”

“But things will change now. If I go with Sasuke, I really think we could be happy.”

“If you don’t fix what was wrong in the first place, misery will follow you no matter where you run.”

Sakura threw her hands into the air. “That’s what I’m trying to do—I’m trying to fix things!”

“Hm. But can they be fixed?”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so the reason for this double update is that I hated myself after Chapter 12 and I didn't want you to hate me too. I hope you enjoyed the scene with Kakashi and Sarada! It was one of my favorites to write. And Tsunade makes her first appearance!


	14. Chapter 14

Sasuke’s nose wrinkled. “You’re drunk?”

Sakura filled her glass with water from the tap and gulped it down. Her mouth was so dry. “I guess so.”

“What if your daughter sees you like this?”

“I checked to see if she was home before coming in.”

“That’s not the point.”

“I hardly ever drink.”

“My mother would never have disgraced herself like this.”

Sakura collapsed in a chair next to the table. She shook her head. “I’m not your mother. Your mother was a flawless, perfect woman that you keep comparing me to—stop.”

“I didn’t say you have to be perfect.”

“Well, you implied it.” Sakura crossed her arms, imitating him badly, “Oh, my mom did it this way. She always woke up before dawn to do housework and make lunches for you and your brother to take to school. She somehow never gained a kilogram since she was twenty. She, of course, wanted a lot of children, but she—” she stopped, realizing she was going too far.

“She died,” Sasuke finished for her.

Sakura lowered her gaze, fixing it on the tiled floor.

Sasuke filled up her glass again and set it on the table. “Drink this and go to bed. I’ll be back later.”

As she watched him go, she wanted to call him back, to have him yell at her for being a thoughtless bitch. Instead, she listened to the latch in the door click shut, leaving her alone.

#

Itachi’s condition did seem to improve. His coughing fits came less frequently and he had more energy. That was likely the only thing going right as of late.

He preferred to stay in his room most of the time, but Sakura felt bad about it anyway. She couldn’t stand being cooped up all the time—something that was happening more now that she wasn’t at the hospital as often. Thank goodness for her vegetable plot or else she would have gone completely off the deep end.

When she mentioned how restless she was feeling, Itachi showed Sakura a series of stretches he used to meditate and keep himself limber. She had to admit, it helped take her mind off things, at least for a while.

However, silence was never her favorite thing. After about ten minutes, she broke first. “So, the vegetables are finally starting to come in. In a few weeks, we can probably harvest them.”

“Ah,” Itachi answered. He was seated cross-legged on the floor, his wrists resting on his knees with palms up and his eyes closed.

“Sasuke said we could have a party. Just our closest friends that we trust—so you might even be able to meet some of them.”

“We’ll see.”

Sakura peeked to see if he had opened his eyes, which he had not. She tried to get back to meditating, but she just couldn’t seem to find a comfortable position.

“I heard you two arguing again last night,” he said.

She sighed, breaking her meditation form and laying down on the rug. “Sorry. It was about putting the house up for sale.”

“I think I might return to my reality. I’ve caused too much turmoil.”

“No. I want this for you and Sasuke. I understand what both of you have been through—you deserve this bit of peace after everything.”

“Sarada does not seem to like me.”

“She’s just taking time to adjust. There were only two Uchiha’s before you came—now there are three.”

Itachi opened his eyes. “Though the past is what shaped my brother here, I can’t imagine the pain of losing one’s entire clan. To look around and always be reminded of that loss.”

Sakura thought about this often, especially when she grew impatient with her husband for whatever reason. He was forced to conceal much of the truth of what had happened to his clan and live with it. Few people other than those closest to him had any clue. She imagined it must always be on the back of mind when he entered the gates of Konoha, the village that secretly condemned his entire family to death without trial, without notice, and forced his beloved older brother to make an impossible choice.

It was a burden she could never share with him.

Konoha was her home, but she could accept that it wasn’t perfect and work to a better future. She had a feeling the same wasn’t true for Sasuke even though he said he agreed with her. His scars ran too deep.

She asked, “What was the other Sasuke like?”

“Different.”

Sakura laughed. “Well, of course.”

“My Sasuke…before I left the village, I know he had many friends. He was also surrounded by a large family who loved him.”

Whereas this world’s Sasuke had been so alone for a long time. Sakura sat up. “What was my relationship with him?”

“As far as I know, before he died, he and the other you were dating. I’m not sure what happened to your counterpart afterward on a personal level, other than the occasional reports brought in by Akatsuki spies and what I told you already.”

“Oh.” She picked at the fibers of the rug. “Does Sasuke—my Sasuke—ever talk to you about me?”

“We talk about many things. He tends to avoid mentioning anything meaningful about you, though.”

“I was kind of hoping he’d at least open up to you about me.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know what’s going on in his head sometimes.” She sighed.

“You should communicate that.”

“He doesn’t really see it as a problem so he doesn’t get it. Plus, I’m so tired of fighting with him all the time.” She rubbed her temple. “Everything just keeps turning into a fight. The smallest thing sets either one of us off. It wasn’t like this before—I don’t understand what’s changed.”

“Perhaps both of you have.”

“Or…it’s just me.”

“You could meditate on that.” Itachi smiled.

She could. But when she closed her eyes, her thoughts grew louder in her head. All of her problems with Sasuke came to the forefront. Her guilt liked to take up a lot of her time too. What was she doing wrong? Everything, her conscience answered. They argued so much, but it never felt like they were talking about what they needed to talk about.

Her own daughter wasn’t speaking to her. That had never happened before. Their relationship wasn’t perfect, but Sarada had always been quick to forget her anger or wanted to clear the air between them immediately. This silence. It was new and she hated it too.

Not that Sakura’s own behavior was any better. Weeks now of ignoring Kakashi. It never got easier. She felt herself slipping a lot, wondering what he would think of a new recipe she found or seeing his name on the waiting list at the hospital and automatically moving to the examination room he was placed in. She would stop at the door, knowing he was on the other side, knowing she could at least try to greet him like she used to and pretend the past few months had never happened.

She wanted to apologize, but the more time passed, the more impossible it seemed. She hastily wiped away an errant tear from her eye, hoping Itachi hadn’t seen it.

“Let’s try a few more sun salutations, if meditation isn’t working for you,” Itachi said softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the less frequent updates. I haven't had much time to write lately so I've been putting off uploading until I have a few more buffer chapters. I hope you enjoyed super chill, big brother Itachi. I know there are many iterations of him out there, but I think here he's just relieved about not having to hide himself any longer and he's taking the time to relax and appreciate his time here. 
> 
> I also like the idea that Sakura does yoga with him and they bond because she can't shut up during the sessions lol.


	15. Chapter 15

Kakashi knew there was going to be a party at Sakura’s house that day. He was clearly not invited, so he chose to find another way to occupy his time by hanging out in the one place he was certain no one would come looking for him.

“Senseeeeeeei,” Naruto whined, his head popping over the edge of the stone nostril.

“If you’re looking for your father’s ghost, look elsewhere.”

“I know you’re planning to flake out on Sakura’s party and I’m not going to let you do that.” Apparently, Naruto was the only person in Konoha who had no idea about the strange position his former teammates were in. He climbed inside, perching on the rim. This was turning into an impromptu Hokage gathering inside the Fourth’s carved right nasal cavity.

“How did you find me?”

“I was exploring when I was younger and I found a stash of your books stuck in a crevice. I figured it was your secret clubhouse.”

“Secret base,” Kakashi corrected.

“Whatever. Now let’s go—we’re going to be late.”

“Go ahead without me.”

“Nuh uh—it’s the first time we’ve all been together in a while. Plus that stick-in-the-mud Sasuke never has parties at his house. We have to mess up the place _good_.”

“Naruto. You are the Nanadaime.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t party.” Naruto danced in place. Badly.

Kakashi sighed, settling into a more comfortable position. “I’ll go after a nap. If I start showing up on time for stuff now, it might cause a few heart attacks.”

“Don’t give me that.” Naruto scootched himself over and started poking Kakashi. Although he was now a grown man, when he was among friends he tended to revert back to his old ways.

“You’re banned from my secret base.”

“Excuse me, I’m the sitting Hokage in power.”

“I temporarily renounce my retirement.”

“Oh yea? Good, I needed a vacation anyway with that weird new group of missing nin running around. Now get up.” Naruto snorted.

“Your persistence is not as endearing as you think it is.”

“I’m fucking lovable as hell.”

“Go away.”

“Nahhhhhhhhhh.” Naruto burped.

Kakashi started hitting his head against the stone. “Why is this my life.”

“Punishment for your sins?”

Kakashi sat up and squinted one eye at his former student. “I will tell this entire village about your terrible poetry.”

“Bastard,” Naruto snarled, his lip curling and revealing his pointed canines. “Well, if you don’t come to the party, I’ll tell Sakura about the _incident_.”

Kakashi paled and breathed, “No.”

“ _Yes_.”

“You’re insane. She’ll kill you too.”

Naruto laughed, throwing open his arms. “I don’t care!”

And that was how the Nanadaime manipulated his predecessor into attending a party.

#

Sakura hurried out of the house carrying a hot pan of baked pasta, her hands protected by a pair of bright green oven mitts. “Out of the way. Last one coming through!”

A long table was set up where her friends were beginning to gather. Its length was covered from end to end with serving dishes full of food. Despite her neglect of her garden, the harvest ended up being a little too bountiful. She doubted it had anything to do with her skills as a gardener. If the surrounding, aggressively green, vegetation in Konoha was any indication, stuff just _grew_ here.

“I’m starving.” Ino slipped into a seat next to her son. “Can we start eating yet?”

Sakura set down the pan and slipped off the oven mitts. “Hold on, I want to take a picture of everyone before we start.” She glanced around at her guests, half-expecting to spot a shock of silver hair. She brushed off the grain of disappointment. What had she expected when she hadn’t invited him? Then she noticed someone else missing. “Where’s Naruto?”

“He said he had some work to finish up, but he’ll be here.” Hinata reached over to Himawari and tucked in a paper napkin into the collar of her daughter’s dress.

“I guess I’ll have to try to get everyone together again later.” Sakura took the camera she had left on the edge of the table and went to set it up on the tripod standing a short distance away. She squinted through the tiny window set into the camera, making sure everyone was in the shot. She couldn’t stop the smile on her face as she observed everyone talking and laughing together. She loved each and every person here. It was almost perfect.

She sighed, the thought of Sarada refusing to coming out of her room ruining her good mood. Maybe later, she could coax her daughter out so that they could all enjoy the party. It might be one of the last happy memories they made here for a long time.

Unbidden, she wished _he_ was here to be a part of it.

Stop, she told herself. She had to stop this.

“Sakura, take the photo already,” Kiba said. He had his silverware fisted in both hands, ready to dig in at the very instant she gave the go-ahead.

She blew hair out of her face. “Hold on, Sasuke isn’t smiling.”

“I don’t know if he can.” Ino snorted, earning a glare from Sasuke.

After more wheedling from the group, Sasuke reluctantly graced them with a half-smile. Sakura quickly set the timer and rushed to take her own place. The light blinked and a few seconds later, the flash went off.

“Okay, let’s eat,” Sakura said, clapping her hands together.

As she waited for her turn to serve herself, she looked around, making another photo of the moment, but this time in her heart. Yes, she had been less social as she got older. She hadn’t seen some of her friends here in months. Yet, listening to Ino brag about something ‘brilliant’ that Inoichi did or Hinata’s polite giggles, it was like no time had passed at all.

Their children were all here too. Most were about to be teenagers or were teenagers already. When did that happen? Time was moving so fast. She tried not to think about how much things would change after she left too.

Sasuke interrupted her thoughts, speaking above his usual volume so that he could be heard, “Everyone, we have an announcement.”

Without thinking, Sakura gripped the cloth of her dress. This was it.

#

Sakura excused herself after the announcement, avoiding the shock on the faces of her friends. She wanted to apologize, especially since it felt like a betrayal of some sort.

The lights in the house were not on, but she preferred it that way, giving her a chance to gather herself in the dimmness. She sat on the couch, covering her eyes with her hands and pressing on the ache starting to form there.

She didn’t have long. Shortly after, there was a knock at the door and she went to answer. The smile she had put on to greet the latecomer to the party froze on Sakura’s face at the sight of Naruto and Kakashi on her doorstep. “Heeeeey,” she trailed. “I didn’t know you were going to bring sensei.”

Naruto rubbed the back of his neck, proud of himself. “I hunted him down and dragged him out kicking and screaming. My family’s already here, right?”

“Yea…they’re in the backyard with everyone else.”

Naruto sniffed the air. He rubbed his hands together. “I smell food. Excuse me.”

That left the two of them alone. Sakura gripped the door knob.

“Calling me sensei again?” he asked.

She stared at him.

“Sorry,” Kakashi said. “I’ll just go.”

She watched him turn away and it felt as if time itself had slowed down. The urge to cross the threshold and wrap her arms around his waist and press her face into his broad back flared within her. _Let him go. Just let him go, you stupid idiot._

She heard herself call out, “Wait.”

He looked at her, his expression unreadable. She never wished he didn’t wear that damned mask as much as she did now. Did he hate her? Did he think her the worst kind of person?

“At least stay and have some food. I made too much.” She stepped aside, giving him room to move past.

He walked back, pausing in front of her. Too close. Or maybe he was a respectable distance, but she was too aware of his presence, aware of _him_. Just as she was about to flee, he mussed up her hair and headed towards the backyard. She stood there, fixing her hair absently, the phantom sensation of his fingers lingering on her scalp.

She wasn’t ready to face him again just yet, so she went upstairs to Sarada’s room. She knocked on the door then opened it a crack. “Sweetie—aren’t you going to come say hello to your friends?”

Sarada was on her bed. She peered over the top of her book. “I don’t feel well.”

“Would you like me to bring you up a plate?”

“No.”

Sakura sighed, opening the door wider. “I’m sorry you’re angry that we’re leaving Konoha.”

“I don’t see why we can’t stay.” Sarada turned the page, but her eyes were not reading the words.

“You know why.” Sakura came over, sitting on the bed next to her.

“This is dumb. We’re picking up our entire lives because of a stranger.”

“He’s not a stranger. He’s your uncle.”

“No—he’s not! My real uncle is dead.”

“Sarada.”

“Just leave me alone. You clearly don’t care enough to ask me before deciding anyway.”

“That’s not true—” Sakura hesitated, because actually, she and Sasuke had discussed this only between themselves before coming to their choice. That was unfair of them. She supposed that they’d simply done it out of habit—it was easy to forget that Sarada was no longer a child. “I’m sorry. You’re right.”

Sarada stayed silent.

“I’ll try to be more aware of that in the future,” Sakura continued, taking Sarada’s hand and kissing it. “I’ll tell your dad too.”

“I don’t want to leave.” Tears started falling from Sarada’s eyes. She removed her glasses and cleaned them.

“I know, sweetheart. We’re doing this for your dad.” Sakura took the red frames and replaced them on Sarada’s face.

Sarada brought her knees into her chest, hugging them. “I get that. I want him to be happy too—but this is my home.”

Home.

It meant something different for every person, but for Sakura, it had always been Konoha. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t imagine anything different.

She embraced her daughter, saying softly, “I understand.”

“I don’t think you do.” Sarada yanked herself away. She got out of the bed, shoulders shaking, cheeks flushed. “It’s so easy for you, isn’t it?”

The sudden hostility took Sakura aback. Words failed her.

“I’m going downstairs,” Sarada muttered, storming out, slamming the door behind her.

Sakura sat there.

She didn’t know how long.

Then she covered her face and sobbed in the room she had helped her daughter decorate—picking out the color of the paint, sewing the curtains, and a million other details they had done together.

The door opened. Sakura jerked her head up.

Kakashi.

“Get out,” she said, her voice hoarse.

“Came to tell you that you’re out of punch.”

“Then tell Sasuke.” What kind of game was he playing at? She was so tired.

“Ah, well. Silly me—I didn’t think of that.”

She curled into a ball on top of the covers, pleading, “Just go.”

He came over and kneeled by the bed. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re what’s wrong.”

“I get that a lot.”

“Please go.”

He brushed aside her hair with a finger. “Okay.”

“You’re not moving.” She inhaled and exhaled.

“I am moving—very slowly.”

Laughter burbled out of her from no where, but it changed into a choked sob. “You have to go. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t.”

“Will that make it easier for you?” His eyes creased in a smile.

“Yes,” she whispered. She took his hand and pressed it to her forehead. She repeated, “Yes.”

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Pretending.”

“What are you pretending?” His voice was a balm on her nerves scraped raw from trying to hold herself together. He let her keep his hand and she was so, so grateful. How had he known she’d needed him?

“That my life isn’t mess and I am a good mother,” she mumbled.

“You are a good mother.”

“Tell that to my daughter who hates me.”

“She was just upset.”

“Where is she?” Weeks of not speaking to him and it was like none of it had happened. This should not have been possible.

“With her friends in the backyard. Don’t worry.” He straightened. “Are you ready to go back?”

She sat up. Back to the real world. “…I guess.”

They were near the base of the stairway when Sasuke rushed up in a blur, pinning Kakashi to the wall.

“What the fuck do you think you’re pulling in my house?” Sasuke snarled.

“Sasuke—stop it!” Sakura gripped him, prying him off. “You’re assuming things.”

He was breathing hard, never taking his focus away from Kakashi, every muscle in his body tensed and ready to attack again. “Am I?”

“Yes. You _are_.” She gritted her teeth.

“I’m not asking you. I’m asking him,” Sasuke spat.

“What exactly do you think we did?” Kakashi tilted his head. He rolled his shoulders.

Sasuke clenched his fist, electricity surging around his arm. The shadows on his face jumped. “You worthless piece of shit. Get out.”

For a moment, Sakura was afraid that Kakashi would take the bait. There was a dangerous, angry glint in his eyes. Then he glanced at her. Asking. She shook her head a fraction.

The tension drained out of him and he slouched with his hands in his pockets. He bowed slightly. “Mr. And Mrs. Uchiha.”

Then he was gone, walking out the door.

“Let me see that,” Sakura said, reaching out to Sasuke. She noticed that the skin on his palm was beginning to peel.

“Not now.” He shook her off, leaving her there and going back outside.

She curled her hand back and clutched it against her chest.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I had to take an exam that was basically 3 days of torture from 9-5. It's over now tho! I'm happy to be back and writing again. Thank you all for your patience and support. I swear, a lot of what kept me going these past two months while I was studying was the lovely feedback I received on my fics. From my whole, entire heart, thank you.


	16. Chapter 16

The property broker’s cheerful voice on the other end of the telephone said, “Mrs. Uchiha—great news. The other party just signed the paperwork, so everything is ready.”

“G-great.” Sakura reminded herself to breathe. Her eyes darted around the kitchen as if it would suddenly disappear on her. “They didn’t want to think about it a little more?”

“No, I’m afraid not. She was absolutely in love with the house.”

“Wonderful.” She’d just sold her home to a complete stranger.

After hanging up, she leaned against the wall and sank down. It was really happening. They would have to start deciding what to donate and what to sell off. None of it could be stored, of course. Even if they did come back, it would only be to visit. She touched the faint marks of crayon still visible beneath the paint from when Sarada had decided it was the new canvas for her art when she was younger.

“Sakura?” Sasuke walked in from the living room and noticed her crouched by the wall. He sat down next to her.

“The paperwork is finished.”

“That’s good. We can finally start getting things ready then.”

“Yea.” The timing was perfect. Itachi’s course of treatment would wrap up within the coming month. They had also announced their decision to leave Konoha at the party a few days ago. Before Sasuke had attacked Kakashi.

She stared at her hands in her lap.

Sasuke had not mentioned Kakashi once. He hadn’t accused her of infidelity either. In hindsight, coming down together when no one else had been in the house was a stupid thing to do. She knew it looked bad. She turned to her husband, “Why haven’t you asked me about him?”

Sasuke stiffened, understanding who she was referring to without being told explicitly. “What would be the point?”

“You’re angry.”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does. If something makes you angry—you should talk to me about it.” She reached for his hand.

“I’m not angry with you,” he said, standing.

“But you should be.” She exhaled. “It’s not like I was innocent in all of this.”

“Sakura, I understand why this happened. I’m angry with that bastard, but I’m far more angry with myself.” He shook his head.

“You might understand, but I don’t,” she said flatly. Did he think she had been a passive player throughout? Part of her told her to let it go, to accept that he understood and be grateful about it. Another part of her just saw it as one more instance of him dismissing her.

The muscles in his throat stood out. “What’s there to understand? You were confused because you were lonely.”

She hit the tile with her fist then jumped to her feet. Of all the rationalizations she thought Sasuke had been placing on this situation, it had not been this. ‘Confused’? It made her sound like a lost child. “Excuse me?”

Sasuke’s eyes narrowed at her reaction. “So, what? Do you have actual feelings for him?”

“Tell me why you refuse to be angry with me.”

“Answer my question first.”

She looked down. “You know how important this family is to me.”

“That’s not an answer,” he said, his voice cold.

“It’s not something I can simply say!” She threw her hands up.

He was incredulous. “Are you kidding me right now? It should be very simple.” He came right up to her, gripping her arm. “Do you even realize what you’re saying?”

“I know perfectly well,” she snarled and ripped herself away.

“Calm down.”

That only made her see red. She grabbed the empty mug sitting on the table and drew it at him. He dodged it, the ceramic shattering on the wall behind him.

“Don’t tell me to calm down,” she shouted. “Why don’t you show some fucking emotions for once?”

“Fine, I admit that I’m angry with you—but I don’t want to hurt you again.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “Never again. I owe you too much.”

She started pacing. “So you’re just going to treat me like some priceless object for the rest of our lives?”

He jerked his head. “I didn’t say that.”

“Did you…did you marry me out of some misguided sense of obligation?” Her lungs constricted inside her ribcage. Old insecurities bubbled up to the surface.

“I married you because I love you.” He stopped her in her tracks, trying to kiss her, but she struggled against him.

No, more of this. She was done pushing back their problems into the background. “I know that you confronted Kakashi at the bar a while ago.” This had been bothering her for so long. She tilted her head up towards the ceiling. “You didn’t even tell me. You were trying to fix something behind my back when I was clearly a part of the problem.”

“I didn’t want to upset you.”

“You should talk to me and yes, sometimes, it may upset me. That’s how it is.”

“Why can’t you see that I’m doing this for you?” He shook her.

“I didn’t ask you to!”

“I want us to move past this, but you’re the one who can’t. What do you think is going to happen between you and Kakashi when we leave the village—“

“That was you making up your mind for us!” she interrupted.

“But you _agreed_. You put the house up for sale and now it’s done.”

“How can you be so fucking cold? This is the house that I paid the mortgage on for years so I could have a square of land to call my own. Where I lived with my daughter and made memories. I learned how to plumb to fix the stopped up sink. I painted the bedrooms with colors I picked out with Sarada.” She knew she was babbling, but the words poured out of her. It was where she had put down her roots for what she thought would be the rest of her life. She leaned against the counter for support. Soon, it would belong to someone else who would have no idea the treasured memories these walls had seen.

Sasuke collapsed into a chair by the table. “I thought this was what you wanted too,” he said, tired.

She sounded faint. “What else could I say, Sasuke?” She started to shake, her fists clenched. “Itachi going back was never an option for you, not after the insane shit you pulled to bring him here. And he could never stay in Konoha and live a normal life.”

He remained silent.

She continued, “You would never give him up. I knew that when I first agreed to leave—but this village, I’ve realized it’s something that _I_ can’t give up.”

“By the village, do you mean him?” He glared at her.

The only sound for a while was the tick of the clock on the wall.

Her head felt like it was going to explode. She rubbed her face. “I need a walk.”

He didn’t stop her as she walked out.

#

Sakura wandered through the streets alone. She got some strange looks for walking through a summer storm without an umbrella, but no one bothered her as they hurried to get to shelter. The water soaked into her skin. Her clothes drowned in the rain, weighing her down, but she kept going.

She found herself sitting on the stairs attached to the side of Kakashi’s apartment building. She leaned against the railing, watching the white puffs of her own breath disappear. The cold numbed her to the core and she preferred it that way. She was too cold to think, to feel.

Someone came down the steps. She knew it was him, but didn’t acknowledge him.

Kakashi sat down next to her, resting his forearms on his knees. “You’ll catch your death out here.”

“That’s not how illness works, I told you.” She closed her eyes, savoring the sound of his voice near again after longing to hear it for what felt like an eternity.

“Pakkun said you were out here. He’s worried.”

“I’ll be okay.”

“Come inside.”

She turned her head to him for the first time. The rumble of thunder mixed with the beat of her heart.

He coughed. “I have…hot chocolate.”

She blinked, not expecting that. “I thought you didn’t like sweet things.”

“There are some sweet things that I like.” His gaze flickered to her lips before he stood up, offering his hand. “Besides, I got it in case I ever needed it to bribe you from coming out of the rain.”

She noted the warmth in his palm as she took his hand. The callouses still there from a lifetime of fighting that would never go away. She had them too.

He didn’t let go until she was through the door of his home. He left her momentarily to bring her a towel and dry clothes, nodding to a closet at the end of the hall. “The dryer’s back there.”

His bathroom was tiny. She glanced at herself as she undressed in front of the mirror. She was as pale as the clean tiles of his shower. Her hair was flattened against her skull in lank chunks. She smiled grimly without showing her teeth, as if her reflection were a stranger she’d momentarily made eye-contact with.

The dry clothes were a world of difference in making her feel human again and they smelled like his laundry soap. She lifted the collar and stuck her nose inside the shirt. She wasn’t wearing her bra or underwear beneath this. It left her feeling exposed.

Why was she here?

She stepped out of the bathroom and scurried down the hallway to the laundry closet. She stuck her clothes into the dryer and turned it on without fiddling too much with the settings. The machine whirred to life and she briefly watched her clothes tumbling around through the rounded glass.

The rich aroma of melted chocolate permeated the small apartment and she drifted towards the source in the kitchen. On her way, she passed the dogs napping in a warm huddle in the living room. A smile curved her lips.

She stopped at the boundary line of the kitchen, watching Kakashi stir the chocolate and milk in a saucepan on the stove. He brought up the wooden spoon to taste it, but had been too hasty and burned his tongue. He muttered lisped curses under his breath.

When he noticed her standing there, he grinned and it made her start for him automatically, her arms ready to wrap around his middle, but she stopped herself in time.

He told her, “Should be ready soon.”

“You didn’t need to go through all this trouble.”

“I take my duties as a host seriously.” He put the wooden spoon back into the saucepan. “Do you want to tell me why you were sitting out there?”

“I don’t really know why myself.”

“I’m not complaining.”

She wrapped her arms around herself, staring at the floor, blurting out, “Aren’t you angry with me?”

“For what?” His brows drew together.

“I’ve been a rude bitch to you these past few weeks. Go ahead. Yell at me. I deserve it.”

“Hey.” He came to her, reaching out to embrace her before remembering himself. Remembering what they were not.

She started trembling, the tears she hid from Sasuke falling in streams mixed with snot dripping from her nose. She tasted salt. She knew she was a disgusting mess, but crying was such a release. “Just hate me already, you idiot. It’d be so much easier if you hated me.”

He took her gently by the shoulders and guided her, sitting her at the table. He went back and poured out the hot chocolate into two chipped, mismatching mugs and brought them to her. She cried and laughed almost hysterically as he added a healthy dose of alcohol into his drink, dubbing it the ‘adult’ version.

“Put some in mine too,” she said.

“As you wish.” He also slid a box of tissues over to her. She ripped out several and blew her nose.

If he found her attractive at all before this, well that was probably over now.

She took the mug into her hands, savoring the warmth against her fingers and breathing in the comforting smell of chocolate. It was raining and thundering outside, but they were safe and dry here, beneath the cheery yellow light of the lamp hanging above the table. They drank, listening to the drumming on the roof together.

The hot liquid and alcohol burned pleasantly in her stomach and spread heat to the rest of her insides. It gave her enough courage to ask, “What are you thinking about?”

“Which type of alcohol I should try with this next. I think I like this version way more.”

“Really?”

He smiled. “No. I was thinking how happy I am to have you here.”

Her heart thumped. Since when had he become so honest? “I told you that it’s okay to be angry with me.”

“I was a little angry, but I didn’t have a right to be.” He shrugged, taking another sip. “Mostly, I was sad and I missed you. I didn’t _have_ to show up at the party—ultimately it was because I wanted to see you. Sorry about that.”

She put her feet up onto her seat, pushing her knees up to her chest, still holding her mug close to her face. “I told Sasuke that I didn’t want to leave.” Not exactly, but in so many words.

He looked at her sharply.

“Seeing everyone at my house—all the memories we shared. The old stories we told. It made me think about how much I would be missing in the future if I wasn’t there.” She pressed her lips to the edge of her mug. “We all live our lives, going on separate paths, but we’ve always come back together.”

“You’ve left the village before.”

“And I missed it everyday. Back then, though, I thought it was what I supposed to do. Leave home. Grow up. Find love.” She sighed, grabbing the bottle of liquor on the table and pouring more of it into her drink. It was more alcohol than hot chocolate now.

He took the bottle from her. “You might want to go easy on that.” However, he followed her lead rather than put the booze away. “You did all of that and more, Sakura. I barely recognized you when you came back.” He gestured to her pink hair. “Besides that.”

“I don’t even know how I did it then. I was so freaking young and I didn’t even think twice. Maybe I’m just getting old.”

“Or, you know now where you belong. Where you’ve always belonged.”

She met his eyes. An electric energy passed between them even though they consciously maintained a respectable distance from each other. The trouble with having kissed a man only a few times was that each memory held a fresh, vivid place in her mind, easily recalled in moments like this when they were alone and so, so very close. She drained her mug then muttered, “Do you have anything stronger?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“We can make a game of it.”

“Let’s watch T.V. instead.”

“Guess the truth or the lie. If you’re wrong, take the shot. If you’re right, I take the shot.” She unfolded her legs, setting her bare feet on the floor. “No questions off limits.”

He studied her and for a moment she thought he would say no. Then he went to his cupboard and retrieved two shot glasses. He got out shochu from his fridge. She poured for them when he brought it all to the table, spilling slightly because her motor skills were already suffering a bit.

“Who goes first?” she asked.

“I will. What is your favorite flower?”

“Roses.”

“Lie. It’s sunflowers.”

She whistled, impressed. “You knew that?” She tilted her head back, gulping down the shot and slamming the glass onto the table. The alcohol burned in her throat. Well, she had asked for something stronger earlier. As she refilled, she asked, “Did you use my shampoo when we went on away missions?”

“Uh, yes.”

“Damn, I know that’s true.” She squinted at him. “What were the rules again? I’m right…so you have to take the shot?”

“But I told the truth. Why am I being punished?”

“Because I’m right.” She smiled broadly. After he did as he was told, she said, “Okay, your turn.”

It continued like this, until at some point they sort of forgot about the game and were blurting truths left and right for shits and giggles.

“I was the one who put the ghost pepper oil in Naruto’s ramen!” Sakura announced, throwing her arms out. Her balance slipped, but he caught her. “Whoops.”

“You evil woman. Naruto totally blamed me for that one,” Kakashi slurred, chuckling. He screwed his face, trying to come up with something impressive. “I had a dream I was married to you.”

Her muddled brain put his words together. “Huh? Was that recent?”

“A few months ago.” He laughed. “We even had a kid and named her—“

“Chihiro,” she finished for him, feeling the blood drain from her face.

“How did you know that?” His brow wrinkled.

“I had a similar dream.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Why would you have named her Chihiro in your dream? That was my mother’s name. You couldn’t have known that.”

“I don’t think it was a dream.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. “How often did it happen to you?”

“Just once.”

“I think it was an alternate universe—maybe even the one that Itachi came from.”

Kakashi covered his face. “Let’s not talk about alternate universes right now. I’m too shit-faced to contribute anything.” He smirked. “I will add though, you were extremely affectionate in my dream.”

She flushed. She thought of her own deeds with the other Kakashi. “You didn’t.”

“I didn’t what? We didn’t even kiss. Did you do something?”

“…No.”

“Why are you so red?” His grin widened as he teased her. “What did you do?”

She stalled by taking the bottle and chugging it. It was only about a quarter full, so it didn’t take her long. She regretted it immediately afterwards when the room started spinning and she was seeing two of Kakashi. No, she had enough of two Kakashi’s.

He probably sensed that pushing about the dream anymore would have lead down a dangerous path, so he didn’t say anything more on it. They talked about the old days. They talked about what she did while she went off to train under Tsunade. They talked about his past.

“That’s around when I started wearing the mask daily.” He downed another shot.

“You’ve never told me that before.”

“It’s not something you can just tell someone.”

“No, I guess not. I’m sorry about your dad.”

“I grew up and understood why he did it. There were times when I thought that life became too much and every conscious moment was hell.”

“Do you still have thoughts like that?” She reached out for his hand.

He curled his fingers around hers. “Not so much anymore. Don’t worry.”

“I can’t help it. Please let me know if it ever happens again. I’ll come over right away.”

“That’ll be hard for you, if you leave.”

She took a shuddering breath. “Like I said, I might not be leaving after all.” After that fight with Sasuke, she wasn’t even sure where she stood in terms of her own marriage.

“You might not feel that way in a few hours.” He played with a lock of her hair, fascinated by it. Slowly, their heads had tilted towards each other.

“Maybe.” She traced the line of his shoulder.

“Did I mention that I would miss you?” He shook his head ruefully. “I suppose it shouldn’t matter.”

She wanted to answer, yes, it did matter. It mattered so much.

Instead, she kissed him.

She couldn’t stand the thought of waking up one morning, far away, aching to see him, but not being able. It had been hard enough when he was only a few blocks away.

She locked her arms around his neck, drawing him closer. They laughed when their teeth clicked together clumsily, but they didn’t break the kiss, too hungry for each other to care. She moaned into his mouth when both his hands sank into her bottom, his fingers indenting deeply through the fabric. He picked her up and set her on his lap, flush against his groin.

The kiss grew more desperate. She felt like she needed more limbs to wrap herself around him. She never wanted to let go.

That was the last coherent thought she had before she woke up the next morning in his bed.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I know Kakashi wore the mask as a kid even before his dad died. However, I disagree with a LOT of character choices made in canon and I think it's more powerful for him if he began to wear the mask because of his resemblance to his father.  
> 2\. Some parallels in this chapter to the one where Kakashi stayed over at her place. If you read through the whole fic you can see more parallels that I put in because I'm a freak who thought about this too much.  
> 3\. If you haven't noticed yet, I'm also really really heavy handed with the metaphors too. Kakashi is electricity. Sakura is fire/fireworks. Sasuke is water. If you've checked out the playlist, the songs about electricity and fire are about their relationship.  
> 4\. Thank you for all the love once again!!


	17. Chapter 17

For almost an hour now, she had been staring at Kakashi sleep. The sun had not been up when she first opened her eyes. She studied his face in the dim light, his features blurred, but still so perfect. The minutes ticked by and the details cleared. The silver hair that drank in the pale gold streaming through the curtained window. The tiny ragged edges of the scar that ran down his left eye. The faintest tanline where the mask usually perched, only visible if she was searching for it.

She could blame the night before on alcohol or not being in her right state of mind, but she was tired of lying to herself. Kakashi was the man she had turned to after her argument with Sasuke. Plain and simple. There were so many other doorsteps she could have turned up, yet she had sought out his. It was his arms she wanted to be in. His comfort that she hungered for.

She needed this man like she needed air.

Her decision was becoming more clear, but her fear of how this would affect Sarada continued to claw at her. Her poor, sweet baby. It was already hard enough for Sarada with Sasuke…she didn’t need her mother to hurt her too.

As Sakura considered the shambled remains of her family, she could only conclude that she had failed. She wasn’t good enough of a mother—she was too selfish for that. She wasn’t good enough for her husband either, although that was something she’d been struggling with for too much of her life now.

And yet, despite all of this, she didn’t regret sleeping with Kakashi. She was terrible. The realization settled on her as she threaded her fingers through the strands of his hair. He stirred and his eyes opened, coming to a slow focus on her.

“What are you thinking about?” she asked, the sound of her voice barely above a whisper. The moment felt too fragile.

“That I could get used to this…What about you?” He traced the arch of her spine.

“I can’t seem to stop thinking.”

“That’s probably normal.”

She pressed her cheek into the pillow, hiding her face. “What are we going to do?”

“Well,” he paused to kiss each knuckle on her hand, “I think you know what I want. What do you want?”

“I want…” She turned her head towards him fully. Tears filled her eyes and her breath hitched in her throat. “I want to be with you.”

He stilled, but his gaze rose to meet hers. There was a fierce hunger in the way he regarded her that made her shiver. “Then stay.” The words that came out of his mouth were calm even as his grip on her hand tightened.

“It’s not that simple.”

“Ultimately, that’s what it comes down to: you stay or you don’t. I’m not saying that it won’t be easy, but you’ll have to make that choice eventually.” He sighed, wiping away the moisture from her tears. “Just do what will make you happy in the end.”

“I think I could be happy with you, but so many people around me won’t be.” She swallowed hard. Their faces rose up out of the watery depths of her mind, their expressions harsh and accusing each time.

“I know I can’t ask you to forget them. However, your happiness is important too.”

“It would be one of the most selfish things I would do in my life,” she said faintly.

“Yes.”

“There’s no guarantee we could even work.”

“You’re right.” He gave her a half smile.

She buried her face in her hands. The sheets rustled as he moved closer to her. He gently pried her hands away, kissing them both and then moving down her arm, his lips planting sparks on her skin. He worked his way up until he reached her mouth, hovering just above it.

“I still want to stay,” she said softly.

He dropped his forehead, resting it against hers. “Sakura.”

He used her name like a prayer. The plea of a man not used to saying much. He wove meaning into the syllables, coiled them up until they sounded deceptively short. It contained promises, questions, and apologies that would take a scroll the length of the continent to write down. She had never heard anyone use her name like him.

“Kakashi.” She wondered what he heard when she said his name. He waited for her and remained silent. “I’m going to ask Sasuke for a divorce before he leaves.”

He held her more closely and nodded.

She continued, “And…it’s too late for the house so I’m going to have to move.” Her heart twinged as it did everytime she thought about it. “All of that is going to take some time.”

“I can wait.”

And he would. She heard the promise in his words that echoed into the uncertain future.

There was someone tapping at the window, the curtains leaving them just a silhouette. Sakura tensed, pulling the covers up. The shinobi outside would have already sensed her chakra signature if they were anywhere near competent. She was willing to move forward with Kakashi, but she wasn’t ready to let the whole world know about their relationship just yet. The only hope was that the messenger would not be familiar with Sakura’s energy.

Kakashi closed his eyes, sighing. “I’m sorry. Let me go see what they want.”

She caught one last glimpse of his back before she wiggled beneath the blankets completely. Her blood raced in her veins. She heard Kakashi pull some clothing on before sliding both the curtains and the window open.

“Yes?” he asked.

The messenger said, “The Hokage urgently requests your presence at the Tower.” Sakura felt a little relieved she didn’t recognize his voice.

“Got it.” The window slid shut and the rings on the curtains hissed back into place. The mattress dipped a few moments later.

Sakura peeked out. “Was it anyone I knew?”

“Just a chunin. I think I’ve seen his face around before, but he’s a stranger.”

“It must be some kind of emergency if Naruto’s calling you in so early in the day.” She sat up. “You should go.”

Kakashi leaned over, tugging down the mask he had put on earlier for the benefit of the messenger. “Just one thing,” he murmured before kissing her.

She made a small sound of surprise, dropping the blanket. The bare skin on her breasts brushed against the cloth of his shirt, but he didn’t move to touch her with anything other than his lips.

When he pulled away, he kept his eyes steady on her face as he replaced his mask. “We’ll talk about this more when you get off work?”

She reached up, flattening her fingers against his cheek. “Yes.”

#

Sakura’s original plan had been to sneak into her office and grab a change of clothing before her shift started. That went out the window when the receptionist stopped her as soon as she set foot into the hospital.

“Dr. Uchiha, there was a messenger for you from the Tower. The Hokage requests your presence as soon as possible,” the receptionist said.

Sakura frowned. Kakashi had been headed there when they parted ways this morning. It must have been for the same matter. “Did the Nanadaime say why?”

“Only that it was urgent.”

She cursed silently. There would be no time to change out of her clothes after all. Well, they weren’t _her_ clothes. The ones she’d worn through the rain the night before had shrunken terribly in Kakashi’s ancient dryer and she had to borrow a shirt and pants. She was wearing the evidence of her infidelity in broad daylight.

But an urgent matter from the Hokage could not be ignored, even if he was one of her best friends.

She regretted this decision when she walked into Naruto’s office and was met by the people inside. Sasuke and Kakashi were already there, the tension between them brewing. The Hokage’s office was the largest on the floor it occupied, but it wasn’t big enough to house the blatant animosity the two men didn’t bother concealing for each other.

“Sakura, I’m glad they finally found you.” Naruto seemed relieved that her arrival broke the silence which had apparently been going on for some time. The fact that he was able to notice, despite his usual thick skin, was saying something. “You weren’t at home and Sasuke didn’t know where you were.”

She bit down on the inside of her mouth. Sasuke was glaring at her, the anger still fresh for him as if their argument had happened only seconds ago. Kakashi, who chose to lean on the opposite wall rather than stand any closer than he had to, stared at the floor.

“I slept over at Ino’s place.” The lie came out, thick and raspy, from her throat.

“Oh.” Naruto glanced between his friends, but did not once think to look over at Kakashi. While he could see something was wrong between Kakashi and Sasuke, he didn’t seem to be able to connect this issue to Sakura. To his credit, he at least, finally, seemed to realize that the Uchiha marriage was not going well.

“Enough,” Sasuke said. “We’ve wasted time waiting for her. When do the search parties go out?” The resonating condescension and scorn in his voice rolled over her nerves like needles.

“She doesn’t even know yet.” Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose, inhaling. He turned slowly back to Sakura. “Team Konohamaru has been declared missing. Konohamaru was able to send a clone telling us about an ambush along with their last known coordinates.” His hands on the surface of the desk curled into fists. “That’s about it.”

“What was the status report?” The air left her lungs.

“Captured, but alive. At least while the clone was still around.”

“Put me on one of the search teams.”

Sasuke spoke, “No, I’ll go. Sakura must stay here because of our guest.”

She whirled on him, meeting his eyes for the first time since she entered the room. Sarada was in danger and the first thing on his mind was Itachi’s welfare. “He’s _your_ guest. I’m going to find my daughter.”

“I am more suited for this task and I won’t require an entire team to accompany me.”

Naruto shook his head. “I don’t want you going out alone, Sasuke. We’re entering this completely blind about the enemy.”

“A team will only slow me down.”

“A _team_ will keep you alive,” Kakashi pointed out.

“Only if they are competent.”

“We’ll go together,” Sakura snapped. “Naruto’s right. It would be stupid of you to go by yourself.”

Sasuke clenched his jaw. “I doubt that we can cooperate well at the moment. You will only be a liability to me.”

“Excuse me?” Sakura tensed. A liability. Was that how he saw her even after all this time?

“And as I said, there is still our guest to consider. You are currently the only one who can care for him should there be complications.” Sasuke walked over to the open window and climbed onto the sill. His dark hair blended with the black of his cloak against the brightness of the window. He was like a shape that had been cut out of the space around him. His hair hid most of his profile as he looked over his shoulder back at her. “I thought you committed yourself to this.”

Then he was gone.

“Sasuke!” Naruto slammed his palm against the surface of his desk, making the stacks of papers and folders jump. “Damn him. He’s going to get himself killed.”

“Let him do what he wants,” she said bitterly. Never mind that she had wanted to work with Sasuke for Sarada’s sake. Even their daughter was not enough for him to forget his anger.

Naruto’s expression was tight as he scrubbed his short blond spikes in frustration. Twin lines deepened on either side of his mouth. “That asshole.” He grumbled under his breath a bit longer before addressing Kakashi, “I called you in because I need you to oversee the search parties going out. It’s going to be delicate. I’m afraid some of them are going to broach into foreign territories since we don’t know yet which village, if any, are behind this.”

Naruto shoved a thick file to the edge of his desk, which Kakashi walked over and picked up. To Sakura, Naruto motioned at another set of files for her to take. “These are the injury reports for the past month. Try to see if there’s been a pattern of some sort—something we can trace.”

She didn’t move. “I said I wanted you to put me on a search team.”

“Well, that’s that not why I called you in,” Naruto said. “I wanted you and Sasuke to be the first to hear about the kids, of course, but as your Hokage, this is the task I’m assigning you.”

“I need to be out there—“

He interrupted her, “They are shinobi. Have you forgotten that?”

“No, of course not.”

“Good. Both of you are dismissed.”

“ _Naruto_.” She started forward, but stopped when she felt a hand on her shoulder, turning to see Kakashi shake his head once. There was a look of understanding in his eyes, even if he was telling her silently to stand down on this. She may have been his equal now in skill and experience, but he had always been the better shinobi.

It was moments like these that she wanted to burn the Academy to the ground.

When she spoke again, it was calmer, although her emotions had not died down one bit. It was an old trick she’d had to learn to cope with this life. “Have you told Hinata?”

“I’m about to go and do that myself.” Naruto slumped in his chair, his expression losing the hard edge he employed when he had to act as a leader. His lips turned up in the corners, although Sakura would not say it was a smile. “She’s pregnant again.”

She breathed out, not knowing how to react to the news, given their current situation. Finally, she said, “Let me know if she needs anything.”

“Thank you.”

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The original drafts of the chapters I had written up from this point on all had to be scrapped, so that's why the updates have gotten so irregular. I'm sooooo so sorry! I'm not entirely satisfied with what I've written here either, but I'll come back to it once it's had more time to cook.


	18. Chapter 18

Kakashi winced as the door slammed behind Sakura. The reverberations seemed to shake the entire room. When the sound of her stomping away faded into silence, Naruto let out a breath, grabbing a pen to scribble his messy scrawl on the page in front of him. He got down a few lines before he crumpled up the paper and threw it over his shoulder, starting again on the fresh sheet below it. Finally, his shoulders tensed and he demanded, “ _What_?”

“I didn’t say anything,” Kakashi responded coolly.

“You’re still standing there when I gave you a job to do.”

Kakashi came over to the desk, planting his hands on the edge. Naruto stared back, the set of his stubbled jaw defiant, reminding Kakashi so much of the young boy that he felt that he had failed. It was difficult to see, but there were white hairs amongst the blond strands now. Sometimes, when Naruto thought no one was looking, he would stand in front of his reflection and pick at the strands, turning his head at different angles. Naruto had held the position of Hokage for longer than anyone in the history of Konoha. Part of it was a testament to his ability to keep peace and deal with diplomacy. The other part of it was that he refused to give up the position, when it was a job that required him to pour every ounce of himself into his work every single day without respite. Kakashi would never have believed that Naruto’s blue eyes could look so old.

“Well?” Naruto asked.

“Why won’t you put Sakura on a search team?” Or even Kakashi for that matter? They were still trained shinobi, capable of doing any job that their village called them to do.

Naruto’s gaze shifted away. “She’s been off active duty for years. It would be stupid to jump back in now.” His voice was mechanical, as if he had recited it to himself a few times before, just in case he was asked.

The reasoning rang hollow. Sakura could forget half of the skills that she had acquired and still rank higher than most. Furthermore, this was her _daughter_. It was one thing to pull someone from reserve duty unwillingly, but that was clearly not the situation here. What the hell was Naruto thinking? “You’re underestimating her again.”

“I know what she can do. She’s more valuable here.” Naruto stood abruptly, turning to the windows and the village outside of it.

When Kakashi had been Hokage, he had been able to observe the entirety of the village from the spot where Naruto stood now, just as all of their predecessors had been able to. Not that there was much of the village left after the war. New buildings rose up during reconstruction, blocking the view, changing the horizon line as a marker of a different age. There weren’t many structures like the Hokage Tower left. It looked old fashioned next to the steel and glass giants that seemed to be competing to reach even greater heights. Rumors about plans to replace Hokage Tower were always going around these days.

“She needs to go out there,” Kakashi said.

“That’s never been how this works.”

True. However, neither of them had been the type to blindly follow orders. It was one of the very first lessons that Kakashi had taught his team. He remained quiet as he stared Naruto down, communicating more in his silence than he ever could by shouting.

Naruto’s patience finally snapped and he tore off his official robes, tossing it on the floor with a snarl of frustration. “I need her here! Both of you. If I could have made that bastard Sasuke stay, then I would have too.”

“What is the matter with you?” Kakashi asked. Naruto had a temper, he’d always had one, but this was different. He was strained and this kind of outburst hinted at what boiled beneath.

“The matter—” Naruto barked out a laugh. “There has been leak after leak in the past few months while I’ve been trying to track down the Kurouhi. Every time we get to one of their hideouts, we find it cleared out. Anyone could be the mole.”

“But not us?” Kakashi wasn’t surprised. Team Seven until the bitter end.

Naruto went back to his chair, falling backwards into it. “Not you guys,” he agreed in a tired voice.

“Some might say that’s foolish. If you’re investigating, then you should look into everyone.”

“Did you?” Naruto straightened suddenly. “Did you have to do this?”

The job of the Hokage was a lonely one. Kakashi had told Naruto this much before, just as Tsunade had when she passed on the position. Too often, the threats to the village that they loved did not come from the outside, but from within. Ordinary citizens might be able to live in blissful ignorance, might be able to turn a blind eye. Not the Hokage.

“Many times,” Kakashi answered. “This can’t be the first time that this has happened for you.”

It was a terrible to live with these kinds of suspicions, even worse to have them confirmed. Kakashi had watched the ink dry on execution orders, knowing that the best thing he could hope for was that the betrayal did not run deeper than this one person.

“You’re right,” Naruto admitted reluctantly. “It’s not…I still haven’t gotten used to it.” He drew idle lines in broad strokes against the scarred surface of his desk. “I don’t think I ever will.”

The bold declarations Naruto had made when he was younger echoed in Kakashi’s memories. Naruto had defied the odds and achieved his dream. Konoha’s system of picking its leaders mostly relied on who could protect the village best. It was clear Naruto was that candidate after the war, having proven himself in battle on more than one occasion, but battles ended, this job did not. Decisions only became more difficult as time passed. A single wrong move could end up with hundreds dead or worse, another war. The Hokage always had the burden of knowing that there was a cost no matter what…

“It’s all right. I didn’t either.” Kakashi sighed, leaning against the desk. He did what he had to for his village, but it was never in his nature to enjoy that power. He never understood the monsters who sought it and he never would.

“I feel sick, every time I order someone to be watched. Sometimes the intel is wrong, but not always. I don’t know when it’s worse. That I thought someone could betray us or that someone actually did,” Naruto said. “It’s making me realize how much I value the ones that I can trust. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you or Sakura.”

“I understand how you feel. I wanted to keep the people I felt that I could trust close to me too.”

“I don’t think I can do this anymore, sensei…” Naruto held his head in his hands. “But I don’t know what I could do afterward. This was all I wanted, my entire life.”

“This job doesn’t define you,” Kakashi said softly.

“But it has. It has for a long time.” Naruto let his hands drop. “And what am I leaving behind? A lot has been done, but at the same time I haven’t done anything. New conflicts are coming up even when we thought stuff like the Secret Wars were a thing of the past.”

“That’s just the nature of it. We hold this village together. We always have, but it’s more fragile than people think.” The village stood out of circumstance and luck, turning on little moments of history that might not necessarily have been written down in the books.

“I was barely there to see my children grow up. As a dad, I know what Sakura is feeling—my son is out there too. If I was more like Sasuke--” Naruto balled his hands into fists then unclenched them. “But I can’t. Not when I’m still needed here.”

“Sasuke is doing what he thinks is the best course of action. He made his call.” Kakashi went to the door, pausing before it. “Sakura would never go against your word. She might disagree, but she is loyal to you and to this village. You’re not alone.”

“I know,” Naruto mumbled.

“We’ll get the kids back. Don’t worry,” Kakashi said over his shoulder.

Before Kakashi could leave, Naruto called out again. “When Sakura’s done with her report, I’m going to put her on a search team like she wants.

Kakashi crinkled his eyes into a smile, nodding.

The other patrons of the medical library had left hours ago. Even the librarian had turned in for the night. The only reason Sakura had been allowed to stay was because she was something of a VIP. In the early days of her apprenticeship with Tsunade, she had gotten well-acquainted with the library staff after spending long nights poring over texts and scrolls for her research. Four copies of the key to the library doors existed and one of them belonged to Sakura.

The main lights had been dimmed, but the lamp by Sakura provided her with enough to see by. She lifted her glasses, rubbing at her tired eyes. There was still a ways to go. Her body was exhausted and unwilling to go on, but she knew that even if she tried to go to sleep, her mind would keep her awake the entire night.

A paper cup filled with coffee was placed in front of Sakura, its contents milky and hopefully more sugar than caffeine, just the way she liked it. Before she even looked up, she knew it was him. A tired, but grateful smile turned up her lips. “Thanks.”

“Is there anything I can help with?” Kakashi asked, sitting down in the chair next to her with his own cup.

“You had a long day. Get some rest.”

He rolled his shoulder in an easy shrug. “I’ll be up worrying about you, coming up with terrible ideas to get you to take a break, each one successively worse than the last. Eventually, I will put one of those terrible ideas into practice at your expense. Is that what you want?”

Laughter bubbled out before she could stop it. It was the first time since she’d heard the awful news that morning that she had laughed and immediately she felt guilt for that brief moment of levity. This was why she couldn’t be around him right now. Kakashi made her so, so happy, but joking around with him at a time like this felt like disloyalty. Strange, considering that last night she had completely betrayed Sasuke and had not felt an ounce of guilt. She was becoming more convinced that there was something broken in her that would never be fixed.

She sobered quickly, her expression losing all traces of good humor in an instant. “Really, I’m fine. The sooner I get this done, the sooner you can put me on one of those search teams.”

A messenger had dropped by earlier in the day with Naruto’s amended orders, stating that she could leave after submitting her report. What made him change his mind, she couldn’t be sure, but she had a sneaking suspicion that Kakashi had spoken for her. For that, she was grateful to both of them.

“You won’t be any good to a search team if you’re half-dead,” Kakashi said.

“What else are soldier-pills for?” She refused to meet his eyes. The chair squealed as she stood up, mumbling a half-baked excuse about needing to retrieve a book from the shelves.

Most of what she needed had been collected earlier on the table that she was working on. This was just to send a message to him that he should leave her be for now. She didn’t want to push him away, it wasn’t anything like that, but he distracted her focus too easily with his silly charm and way of making her feel at peace. No, peace was the last thing she needed, lulling her senses when she needed every last wit she could muster to bring her daughter home.

She wandered among the shelves, running her finger on the spines of the books, as if she could read the titles written on them by touch, counting seconds slowly in her mind and hoping that time was actually passing. He was still there when she came back. Whether that was because he had not gotten the message or if he was just being stubborn, she didn’t know. Both seemed likely. His head was resting on the table, cradled in his arms, and she realized that he had fallen asleep. The wisps of irritation that she had managed to scrape together evaporated in the bright affection she felt for him.

She allowed herself to linger next to him. This time, the seconds passed too quickly. Then she got back to work.

#

The next thing Kakashi knew, Sakura was touching his shoulder, softly calling his name. The line of windows behind her was lit by a dim blue of a new day beginning. It was one more morning he had been allowed to have to wake up with her. The rush of gratitude almost made him forget about the terrible pain in his neck from sleeping on it wrong.

“What time is it?” he asked, his voice still raspy.

“Really early, but I want to show you something.” She leaned down, kissing his forehead then taking his hand.

He let her lead him out of the library and through the still darkened and empty hallways. They made their way to the roof, their hands linked the entire journey there, his heart thrumming as he kept his focus on her, not caring where she was taking him. Together, they slipped out into the morning chill and walked to the edge of the building. The village spread out below them, silent and still asleep.

“I think the sun should be up soon,” Sakura said. Her breath caught in a soft white fog in the air. “Thank you for staying with me last night.”

The horizon was fairly clear from the vantage point of the library roof. The buildings were like the first sketches in a drawing, soft blocks of grays and blacks that slowly gained details, became real, as time went on.

“Did you get everything done?” He stuck his hands in his pockets, glancing at her.

“Almost.” She settled down, cross-legged, rubbing at the dark smudges beneath her eyes.

He joined her on the ground, pleasantly surprised when she leaned against him. They stayed like that for a while, watching the sky illuminate, tinted by the halo of a new day.

“I used to come here after an all-nighter and watch the sunrise a lot when I was younger,” Sakura explained, her eyes trained on the horizon. A breeze rose, ruffling through her pink locks, bringing her scent to his nose, a scent that made his heart swell with joy.

Could this last? The grim thought hooked onto him like an anchor. For a moment, he felt as if he was pulled underwater and struggling for his next gasp of air. He wanted her by his side, for the happiness that they could share, but Kakashi’s experiences had taught him to always expect the other side of the coin to land.

From the brief glimpse of the other Kakashi’s life, he knew that bliss was possible. It was also possible that that was it. Maybe _only_ in a different reality did he get that kind of good ending. Kakashi counted himself a lucky man to have made it this far, but he saw himself as something of a cockroach, a creature that defied the odds, even if it didn’t deserve it. Perhaps the other Kakashi had used up what little karma or good fortune all the versions of himself possessed.

Sakura’s eyes were closed and her breathing was gentle with sleep as the soft wash of golden dawn swept over her. Perfect. Imperfect. There were possibly countless versions of her, and perhaps even the rare few where she chose him, but he wouldn’t trade this reality for anything. To his dying day, his heart would ache for Sakura.

“I love you,” he said.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is long, long over due. I'm so sorry that it's not longer. Some big things are coming up in terms of the story and I hope I can do it justice.


	19. Chapter 19

The shinobi sped through the forest in a formation that shifted in perfect, silent synchronization. The only sign of their presence was rush of air through the branches, barely rustling the leaves and gone in an instant. They passed by deer who lifted their heads, ears twitching and straining to listen for danger, but soon returning to grazing when their senses didn’t pick up anything. Birdsong chorused profusely, the wild noise at odds with the absolute discipline of the squadron. At a soundless signal, the shinobi split into different directions, like a drop of ink dissipating in water.

Sakura was among them. She shoved a strand of sweaty hair out of her face as she launched herself through the air. The intensity of her focus seemed to bring a visible light to her green eyes even in the deep shadows of the forest. She was on a mission—her first in years. Her body still remembered the intensive training that she had put herself through to keep up, to be enough, although she keenly felt her shortcomings after being on inactive duty for so long. Well-practiced muscle memory carried her through the motions, but her perfectionist instincts discerned that she was not as she had been. She was supposed to be a Sage reborn. She was supposed to be a woman who could protect those that she loved.

Hours into the search and nothing. She grit her teeth and quelled the urge to uproot one of the ancient trees out of sheer frustration. Sakura had been on search missions before. They were common enough during a shinobi’s career, entailing a simple directive of finding a target. The only thing that varied was who that target would be. Sometimes it was the enemy, where there could be a thrill in hunting. Sometimes, for the lower ranked, it would be a civilian’s loose pet. They were missions that ranged in difficulty, to be completed and reported on by good shinobi.

However, a target that you cared for could turn the mission dangerous. In that situation, the logical choice, the most shinobi-like choice, was to let someone else go. A flawless shinobi knew that emotions and high-stakes were a recipe for disaster. She had never been great at that part of the job, but she had learned long ago that this was _her_. Her emotions drove her. They made her stronger. There was no force on earth that would keep her from her daughter.

Kakashi’s pack of ninken scoured the ground below her. He was there too, searching with them—searching with _her_ , though she didn’t know exactly where with all of their respective chakras masked. She still took great comfort in the knowledge of his presence, allowing her to keep pushing through the mental exhaustion that no amount of soldier pills could relieve.

After everything, she hadn’t thought that Naruto would allow both of them to take part in the search efforts. Sakura was fully prepared for a series of long, heart-breaking arguments. It was why she was surprised that he had caved so quickly. She had a sneaking suspicion that Kakashi had finally said something, though that was shocking in itself. Ever since he had stepped down from the position of Hokage, he had made it an explicit point not to interfere with Naruto’s commands. Kakashi was a man who had not wanted the power of being Hokage in the first place and it seemed to have given him a greater understanding of the boundaries that he should respect. Peaceful exchanges of power bucked the rule of history. He was a good man. Konoha was lucky to have him.

She was lucky he chose her.

If she had been stuck for the duration of the search mission on intel work, she wasn’t sure what she would have done. Perhaps she would have risked going against a direct order and gone out on her own. She and Naruto were friends, but doing that…it would have changed the dynamic between them forever. He was still her Hokage. He would never trust her as he did before again and a part of her would die knowing that. After all that they had been through, it was still so easy to let trust die.

Had Kakashi known? He must have. He somehow seemed to know her better than anyone had before. Even if he hadn’t, she was so grateful to Kakashi for intuiting the impasse where she stood, between the village and her family.

A barrage of shuriken sliced through the air, interrupting her thoughts, the bladed edges biting into the tree where she had been just seconds before. She narrowed her eyes as she focused on finding the attacker. The direction of the onslaught was too obvious, meant to be a distraction while they made their real move. In a split second, she saw the enemy nin shift his position to her rear before attempting another attack. She anticipated. Her fist smashed through the sternum into his heart and she felt the pulse of his chakra flare briefly before death.

The battle unfolded around her as the enemy ambushed her team. Who were they? She scanned and scanned for an identifying marker of some sort and found none. The forehead protectors strapped around their heads were scarred with brutal marks from past fights, but there was no symbol of any village, not even the village that they had denounced.

If they weren’t part of the same group that had taken her child, then all they were doing was stealing precious time that could be spent in the search. She swept through them with frightening efficiency and emptied her mind of all thoughts that could slow her down. She set her sights on an enemy and made them her objective and then the next one, and the next one.

Eventually, she stood over the last remaining enemy, breathing hard, about to deliver a final blow when someone stopped her. Without an ounce of fear, this person had closed their fingers around her fist that had been dripping with blood that was not her own.

The enemy took advantage of the momentary reprieve, rapidly moving through a series of hand signs before disappearing.

“Why did you do that?” she snarled at Kakashi, but not really _at_ him.

“We need intel before wiping them all out,” he replied calmly, though he was covered in red too. He blinked his smooth hooded eyes at her, leveling a meaningful stare.

Sakura yanked her arm back and she finally registered how silent the forest had fallen, whereas only a moment ago there had been the clang of metal and the heart thudding booms of explosive tags. She felt some of her rage die down.

“I put a tag on him. Come on.” Kakashi didn’t look back to see if she would follow. He began pursuing the escaping enemy into the trees.

Sakura pressed her lips together and glanced around herself one last time. Still the same utter quiet. It was as if the world ended beyond this clearing. She slipped a shuriken out of the pack tied to her leg. The metal star glowed briefly before she threw it into a tree trunk, leaving it there as she trailed after Kakashi.

The deeper they went into the forest, the harder her heart beat. _Come on_ , she urged silently. She was close to finding the kids. She was sure of it.

Kakashi stopped abruptly, standing on a branch and surveying the scene before him. She came to a halt next to him and crouched low, balanced on the balls of her feet, her fingers lightly touching the bark of the tree. A long stretch of broken steps was built into the slope of the mountainside. A dilapidated temple sat at the top, like the open mouth of a creature waiting to snap its jaws on unsuspecting prey wandering in on its tongue. Green moss thickly coated the stones and ivy burst forth from the cracks, obscuring the sharp edges just below. The still courtyard appeared deserted and there were no outward signs that it acted as a hideout for a rogue organization. From their hiding place, they observed the only sign of activity as the enemy they had been pursuing was allowed back in through an ancient pair of gates that closed behind him. The symbol painted on the gates left Sakura cold.

Freshly painted in red and white. The fan of the Uchiha.

Enough of this. Sakura flipped the hidden kunai in her palm and forced it against Kakashi’s neck.

“Sakura—” he gasped, taking hold of her arms, trying to wrench her away to no avail. Her strength held.

“What do the Uchiha have to do with this?” she hissed the demand.

“Do you think I would know?”

“Your genjutsu was too obvious.”

With all of their chakras suppressed, she could not verify that this was the real Kakashi, but she had known almost immediately that it was not him. It could not have been him. Somehow, along the way she had fallen into the genjutsu. The ambush may not have even been real, a ploy to lure her away from her team, and so she had taken the risk and played along, if only to have the enemy lead her straight to their hideout.

Kakashi—the fake one—smiled beneath his mask. “Clever. You were always so clever. Kakashi was a fool to underestimate you as a student.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Don’t act like you know me—or him. Your sloppy illusion couldn’t even get the details right. Even the lowest ranked rogue nin knows that Hatake Kakashi has a scar over his left eye.” The smooth lids had been a dead giveaway.

“Oh?” This Kakashi expressed genuine surprise at his mistake. “That is interesting. It’s terribly difficult to keep the little things straight between our worlds.”

Sakura’s brows furrowed instantly. “What?”

The next thing she knew, she was holding onto nothing but air and there was Sasuke’s voice resonating next to her ear. “All will be as is should be soon.”

Then everything went black.

#

Kakashi should have realized that the team was stuck in a looping genjutsu earlier. He blamed himself as he helped the others break it. It was only after the team had regrouped that they found Sakura unaccounted for.

Bull bounded towards them out of the trees, reporting, “Pakkun has her trail.”

“Good. Let’s move in pursuit.” Kakashi nodded to the others, who fell in line behind him as he fell into step with Bull back to Pakkun’s location.

“There’s something else: she wasn’t alone. Someone was leading her somewhere,” Bull said, trotting at Kakashi’s side.

Kakashi frowned and tried to put together why Sakura was separated from the rest of the team. Team Konohamaru’s kidnapping, _Sarada’s_ team, was not random coincidence.

It was then that another ninken, Kubo, padded up, keeping pace with Kakashi and Bull. Kubo held something in his jaws that he tossed into the air for Kakashi to catch. Kakashi held it between his fingers and sensed the barest traces of Sakura’s chakra signature still in the metal of the shuriken. She had left it as a signal for him.

You could only put so much energy into a standard shuriken. By a rough estimate of the chakra left, she’d imbued it maybe thirty minutes ago. It was a basic shinobi trick if they wanted to leave a trail.

For someone without a sharingan, Sakura was exceptional at recognizing a genjutsu illusion. Maybe it was just to assure him that she was still alive, but Kakashi knew there was more. She was signaling that she knew what she was doing despite the genjutsu and that she was going ahead.

His gloved fist closed over the shuriken before he placed it in a pocket of his vest. He hated that she was taking that risk alone, even if she’d determined in that moment that it was their best bet of achieving their goal. He could still not like it and trust her instincts.

He couldn’t hold her back because the thought of her getting hurt drove him insane, just as she would never hold him back from what he had to do.

They were shinobi.

This was the mission.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very late, I know!! A LOT of things have happened since you last tuned in. Another Life is rapidly approaching its conclusion and I only hope that I can do it sufficient justice. I was really excited for the reveal in this chapter. HA I hoped you didn't think all that nonsense with parallel universes wasn't over yet. As we will learn, ALL Sasukes are fucked up. That might be the unofficial title of the next chapter.
> 
> I'm a little rusty with the writing, but hopefully it's not too bad. Thank you so much for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comment/kudos--I appreciate it!


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